Younger men now going for foreign brides

[Cootie-Monster]

To each his own? Local women expect too much? Local men socially inept? Society consumerized to the extent even spouses can be purchased?

 

Melissa Sim and Melissa Kok

The Straits Times

Publication Date : 25-07-2010

Civil servant C. Low was 28 years old when he sought a Vietnamese bride.

 

The Singaporean did it because his plan was to settle down and have a family by the age of 30. He was planning way ahead: He wanted children who could support him in his later years.

 

He said that at 28, he reckoned he would need another two or three years to get to know a Singaporean girl before settling down, and even then, it might not work out.

 

Low, who had girlfriends before, said he wanted a relationship which was 'guaranteed' to end in marriage.

 

"Marrying a local or marrying a foreign bride is the same, both might end in divorce... but so far, it's okay, I already have a one-year-old daughter," the 30-year-old said matter-of-factly.

 

Younger men like Low are signing up with matchmaking agencies to look for a foreign bride.

 

The market, which used to be dominated by the over-45s, is attracting better-educated men in their 20s and 30s.

 

Low, for example, has a diploma in engineering.

 

He is articulate, fluent in English, earns about 40,000 Singapore dollars (US$29,000) a year, and now lives with his wife and parents in a five-room Housing Board (HDB) flat.

 

Five matchmaking agencies contacted said younger men now form up to 40 per cent of their clientele.

 

One agency, Life Partner Matchmaker, claimed that 60 per cent of its younger clients are also degree holders, some of whom earn more than S$5,000 (US$3,650) a month.

 

Its owner, Janson Ong, said such clients would have tried local dating agencies, or dated Singaporean women before seeking his services.

 

Asked why young, educated men earning decent incomes would have trouble finding a partner, Ong said: "Some feel that they pak tor (Cantonese for 'date') a few years, then the Singaporean girls will dump them.

 

"They think it's a waste of time. So they pay and they can choose a pretty wife."

 

Beyond the pragmatism displayed, agencies also said there is now less stigma attached to men seeking a foreign bride.

 

Noting a change in perception of such matchmaking agencies now compared with a few years ago, Ong added: "Maybe last time they (the younger men) thought it was only the unwanted or dirty old men who wanted the young brides.

 

"But now we advertise on the Internet, maybe the younger men, like those 'yuppies', find out more about us and think it's not like that at all."

 

In general, agency owners said Singaporean men are looking for simple women with lower expectations who are willing to stay at home and look after the family.

 

While statistics show that more men are marrying women with higher educational qualifications, the majority of men still marry women with an equal or lower education level.

 

For example, of marriages under the Women's Charter, 30 per cent of men with post-secondary education married 'upwards' in 2009, compared with 17 per cent in 1999.

 

This means that 70 per cent of these grooms married women of equal or lower educational qualifications.

 

Experts say it is not surprising, given that Singapore is, to a large extent, still a patriarchal society where men prefer to marry someone with a lower socio-economic status.

 

Associate Professor Tan Ern Ser, a sociologist at the National University of Singapore, said: "Men with lower educational qualifications, or on the lower rungs of the social ladder, may not have the option of marrying upwards socially. So a good bet for them is to look outwards."

 

Gary Tan, 40, found a Hainanese bride through an agency last year. He had been in nearly 10 relationships with Singaporean women before he turned to Loi Eng Tuang of Ideal Marriage Centre for help.

 

Asked why his previous relationships didn't work out, Tan, who works as a credit controller with Sembcorp Enviro, used a Hokkien phrase, jiak you tang, or an engine that needs a lot of oil to run.

 

Women, he said, can be quite demanding. "Every date, must also pay a lot of money."

 

A successful match can set a man back by S$8,000 to S$10,000 (US$5,800 to US$7,200). Tan, who had some financial help from his mother, paid the agent S$8,800 (US$6,400) for his bride. It was a price he felt was worth forking out.

 

A. Ho, 35, a teacher, is one example of someone who was too busy with work to spend time dating. He has had relationships before and joined the Social Development Unit, now known as the Social Development Unit-Social Development Service (SDU-SDS).

 

But he said he was "too lazy" to participate in the activities.

 

"Sometimes you're too mentally and physically tired due to work. It's much easier to get a wife this way, but to get a good person may depend on luck," he said.

 

Explaining his decision to turn to a foreign bride agency, he said: "I didn't need a career woman, I just wanted a wife and a family. If our grandparents could go through matchmaking, why not us?"

[Xefera]

maybe he wanted to taste foreign meat?

but no hard fast rule anyway, really down to what the man wants.

 

IMHO, it is better to know someone for some time, inside out even before tying the knot.

don't regret later than start pointing fingers. no use liao

[Spoony]

maybe he wanted to taste foreign meat?

but no hard fast rule anyway, really down to what the man wants.

 

IMHO, it is better to know someone for some time, inside out even before tying the knot.

don't regret later than start pointing fingers. no use liao

 

 

The ways these people choose and marry the bride is way much faster than i purchase my 2 cats

 

marriage is no simple means...but many just rush for the gold mines like the rest of their peers

[RadX]

well, the SPGs here are going for foreign Dicks.....so.....'do unto others as how they do unto u'

[Kingcopa]

Local Men go for foreign wives while local women go for foreign dick.... i mean guy.

[Watwheels]

You can get a certify virgin for foreign bride wor.

[Galantspeedz]

You can get a certify virgin for foreign bride wor.

 

isn't it better to certify it personally?

[Laworder17]

isn't it better to certify it personally?

 

I think both ways are best...

[Ericongy]

isn't it better to certify it personally?

 

i tot we can only find those at kindergarden??

[Sosaria]

That's because in singapore we are always talking about "cost vs benefit".

 

See, all the interviewees are basically saying, "I don't want to spend all that time and money, and at the end of it... empty-handed. I want guaranteed success (i.e. bride)".

 

I think it's all very risky for these people - they forgot to factor in a higher risk of incompatibility and subsequent divorce.

 

Finding a good maid already very difficult - need to change a couple of times. Think it'll be easier to score a good wife just on one try???

[Laworder17]

That's because in singapore we are always talking about "cost vs benefit".

 

See, all the interviewees are basically saying, "I don't want to spend all that time and money, and at the end of it... empty-handed. I want guaranteed success (i.e. bride)".

 

I think it's all very risky for these people - they forgot to factor in a higher risk of incompatibility and subsequent divorce.

 

Finding a good maid already very difficult - need to change a couple of times. Think it'll be easier to score a good wife just on one try???

 

But what to do, Singapore women are getting more more "jiat you"....

[Mike1234]

Please don't laugh if i ever do that..

 

I guess i might consider this...

 

I have been through 4 r/s...

 

None of them work out...

 

And also i am already on the verge of giving up on SG girls liao....

 

Maybe thats the only choice left for me..... [bigcry]

[RadX]

Please don't laugh if i ever do that..

 

I guess i might consider this...

 

I have been through 4 r/s...

 

None of them work out...

 

And also i am already on the verge of giving up on SG girls liao....

 

Maybe thats the only choice left for me..... [bigcry]

 

 

you can always be Gay

[Mike1234]

you can always be Gay

 

 

No thanks...

 

[bigcry]

[RadX]

No thanks...

 

[bigcry]

 

 

awww...Krado and Porker will be sooooo sad [laugh]

[Laworder17]

No thanks...

 

[bigcry]

 

I morally support you bro....anyway can go try it as lost resort....

[Csnewbie]

Please don't laugh if i ever do that..

 

I guess i might consider this...

 

I have been through 4 r/s...

 

None of them work out...

 

And also i am already on the verge of giving up on SG girls liao....

 

Maybe thats the only choice left for me..... [bigcry]

 

You need The Bible to teach you how to have a blissful R/S with girls.

 

Try attending church sessions.Might help you know?

[Yuan]

Please don't laugh if i ever do that..

 

I guess i might consider this...

 

I have been through 4 r/s...

 

None of them work out...

 

And also i am already on the verge of giving up on SG girls liao....

 

Maybe thats the only choice left for me..... [bigcry]

 

Sometimes it is good to be single. You don't need a cow if you want to drink milk.