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Sharing of Good Jokes


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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.

 

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".

 

The stewardess gets the Head Stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she again responds "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".

 

The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.

 

The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up, apologizes and goes to her seat in the coach section.

 

The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies,

"I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".

 

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There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.

 

The first blond asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.

 

The next one asks to be even more intelligent that the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

 

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

 

 

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A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

 

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

 

"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

 

The blonde attendant rolled her eyes,

"Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - ....it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."

 

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These three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail only to find out that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

 

The first one, a brunette, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity, and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this woman to die and they let her go.

 

The second one, a redhead, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Texas Tech University School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this woman's side, so they let her go too.

 

The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect them two wires."

 

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A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

 

The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

 

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

 

The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"

 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."

 

The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

 

The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again"

 

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A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts even more loudly in chant. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in just 51days!"

 

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A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims," I don't have that much money. I'll do anything to get a message to my mother!"

To that the man asks, "Anything?"

And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!"

With that the man says, "Follow me."

He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."

She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."

She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."

She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out."

With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!"

She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says," Hello, Mom?"

 

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and, finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved farther down the ice, poured a thermos of Cappuccino and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens The voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved clear down to the opposite end of the Ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and asked,

"IS THAT YOU, LORD?"

The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

 

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No offence, just for a laugh.....

 

There were 4 men on board a moving train....

 

One American, one Malaysian and two Indians.

 

The American accidentally stained coffee on his US dollars,

he then picked them up and threw outside the window.

Shocked by his act, they asked why...

 

The American replied: 'My country has lots of dollars,

don't worry....'

 

Then, the Malaysian started smoking his cigar,

without finishing one and lighted another.

He threw all of the half finished cigars out of

the window.

He did this for nearly a packet of cigar.

They asked him why...

 

The Malaysian replied: 'My country produced lots

of cigar, don't worry...'

 

Then, all of a sudden, the Indian carried the other

Indian and threw him out of the window.

They were shocked...asked him what happened...

 

The Indian said: 'My country has lots of Indians,

Don't worry...'

 

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Another....

 

One American, one Malaysian, one Singaporean and one Indian

were on a boat....then something was wrong with the engine,

they left no choice but to abandon the boat.

 

The American said : 'God bless America!' then jumped into

the water..

 

The Malaysian said : '........' some sort of prayers then jumped

into the water...

 

The Singaporean said : 'Majulah! Singapura!' then he pushed

the Indian into the water....

 

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How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

 

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

 

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

 

I am $ure you will gue$$what I mean and re$pond $oon.

 

Your$ $incerely,

 

Marian$hih

 

 

 

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

 

Dear Marian

 

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays,NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

 

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

 

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

 

 

Yours truly,

Manager

 

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It's a good thing I'm a boob man because I wasn't very well-prepared when I sat in the life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper.

 

The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

 

What to write? I sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into my head, hopeing for the best:

 

1. No need to boil.

 

2. Never goes sour.

 

3. Available whenever necessary.

 

Humm, I thought, So far so good. But the exam demanded a fourth answer.

Again, what to write? Suddenly, I brightened, I grabbed my pen, and triumphantly, I scribbled my definitive answer:

 

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

 

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Ah Beng was walking along his work area one day and saw his fren Ah

Mute,Ah Mute can't speak so he needs to use sign language to

communicate.Ah Mute signal why Ah Beng isn't at work.Ah Beng than look

around and gathered some leaves under the tree and standon them.He

looks at Ah Mute and pointed down at the leaves.Ah Mute is now

confused.Later Ah Sian passes by and saw Ah Beng standing on the

leaves.Ah mute than signal Ah Sian on what is Ah Beng trying to say.Ah

Sian than type down in his handphone and show it to Ah Mute.'Aiyo so

simple, Ah Beng Is On Leave!'

 

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Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

 

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

 

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

 

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

 

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It is urgent.

 

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone, but what is this urgent matter about?

 

Caller: @#$... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone)is on his way to the hospital.

 

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

 

Caller: You are so rude! What is your name?

 

Operator: I am Saw Lee (sorry)!

 

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

 

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A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.

 

The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

 

The lady say's "To kill my husband."

 

"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.

 

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position, the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and shows it to the druggist.

 

He looks at the photo and says "Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!"

 

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A man who smelled like a distillery, flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

 

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

 

"It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

 

"Well, I'll be damned...!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

 

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

 

"I don't have it, Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does."

 

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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

 

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

 

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

 

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

 

So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

 

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

 

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"

 

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There was the first day on kindergarten and the teacher was asking the kids what their fathers do for work.

 

She asked this one little girl, "What does your daddy do?" and she said "my dad is a doctor and he helps people when they're hurt".

 

Then the teacher asked this little boy, "What does your daddy do?" and he said, "My daddy is a mechanic and fixes cars when they are broken".

 

Then the teacher asked this sad little boy, "What does your daddy do?" and he said "my Daddy's dead", "Well" the teacher said, "What did your daddy do before he died?"

 

The Boy said "He turned Blue and s--t on the floor!"

 

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