My little suggestion - A parenting folder perhaps?

[Icebrush79]

 

Important questions: Have you settled your gynae? C-section or natural? Have you worked out your sleeping arrangements, baby responsibilities etc?

 

Another thing you'll face will be the two competing set of grandparents for the baby's time and the deluge of parental advice. Better learn how to manage expectations and relationships or you be screwed....

 

Whoops, one other thing. Usually the birth of a baby leads to spousal abandonment as both parents will lavish quite a bit of "goo-goo ga-ga" attention on the newborn. Remember to take a step back and reconnect with your spouse.

 

 

 

Gynae settled. Wifey wanna go for natural unless no choice. Haven't really talked about baby arrangements yet but we do have a rough idea.

As for both sets of grandparents, it would depend on where we put the baby during the days la.

 

Both my parents are working tho my dad will be entering semi retirement mode, the more practical manner will be to leave my kid with my dad as my parents place is much bigger than my in-law's place giving my kid better space to crawl/run/play around in future. Furthermore, my parent's place is centralised and 9mins away from my wife's workplace (in town), while my office is a mere 5 mins drive from my parent's place.

 

No issues with abandonment, we're both very independent people.

 

[Lala81]

My advice is don't leave with your dad.

Men just don't have the patience/stamina to take a care of a baby for hours on end.

My friend is a good example. Leave with his father. A man just won't be able to develop a child's linguistic ability early on.
When the women teach the kid, you see the benefits of repeating yourself twenty thirty times in a row.

 

 

Gynae settled. Wifey wanna go for natural unless no choice. Haven't really talked about baby arrangements yet but we do have a rough idea.
As for both sets of grandparents, it would depend on where we put the baby during the days la.

Both my parents are working tho my dad will be entering semi retirement mode, the more practical manner will be to leave my kid with my dad as my parents place is much bigger than my in-law's place giving my kid better space to crawl/run/play around in future. Furthermore, my parent's place is centralised and 9mins away from my wife's workplace (in town), while my office is a mere 5 mins drive from my parent's place.

No issues with abandonment, we're both very independent people.

Edited October 9, 2014 by Lala81

[Jamesc]

 

I know this differs individually, but if I had to ask, what is the 5 major changes you detest the most as a first time parent?

 

 

I would like to start the ball rolling.

 

I only have one but it was quite a major change.

 

Having to get married was a major change for me.

 

[Icebrush79]

 

That's very true.

 

Nothing could prepare me for the shock

 

when I heard I was going to be a daddy.

 

I just wished I had used more protection.

 

 

When I heard it, mind just went blank (honestly). We were trying but at my age, I didn't expect to get it so soon.

 

I see all the TV drama of would-be-dads, screaming with joy when they hear the news.... Er, reality check, doesn't seem the case leh....

 

[159er]

 

I know this differs individually, but if I had to ask, what is the 5 major changes you detest the most as a first time parent?

 

 

1) being woke up in the middle of the night

2) 1-1.5 hrs of preparation before going out

3) no more smoking anytime, anywhere

4) no more noon sleep during weekends

5) reduced *ahem* life

 

These are some things we need to give. The pleasure/joy i received from my daughter outweighs most...

[Mrmilktooth]

 

I know this differs individually, but if I had to ask, what is the 5 major changes you detest the most as a first time parent?

 

Only sleep...

[Jamesc]

 

When I heard it, mind just went blank (honestly). We were trying but at my age, I didn't expect to get it so soon.

 

I see all the TV drama of would-be-dads, screaming with joy when they hear the news.... Er, reality check, doesn't seem the case leh....

 

 

That's the thing when you get it too easy.

 

Its those couple that have tried for many years

 

and almost given up hope and suddenly get the good news.

 

To them its like a prayer answer and their reaction is like

 

strike the lottery like that.

 

[159er]

 

When I heard it, mind just went blank (honestly). We were trying but at my age, I didn't expect to get it so soon.

 

I see all the TV drama of would-be-dads, screaming with joy when they hear the news.... Er, reality check, doesn't seem the case leh....

 

 

We actually discussed and felt time is right in 2011. Job/income stable and age catching up. Strike the jackpot in 2012 but suffered a miscarriage. Tried again and jackpot again in 2013.

 

It was what we wanted so we were eagerly anticipating. Of course there were some self doubting whether we will be a good parents, can we provide a comfortable lifestyle to ourselves and baby.

[Icebrush79]

 

1) being woke up in the middle of the night

2) 1-1.5 hrs of preparation before going out

3) no more smoking anytime, anywhere

4) no more noon sleep during weekends

5) reduced *ahem* life

 

These are some things we need to give. The pleasure/joy i received from my daughter outweighs most...

 

Is it true that there is a different kind of joy/pleasure derived from your child? Despite all the sacrifices, sleep loss etc?

Like seeing a mini-me running/crawling around perhaps?

How much do you guys need to set aside for one child on average per mth? From newborn to say 3 years old, 1K per mth enough?

 

That's the thing when you get it too easy.

 

Its those couple that have tried for many years

 

and almost given up hope and suddenly get the good news.

 

To them its like a prayer answer and their reaction is like

 

strike the lottery like that.

 

 

Ooh ya, I guess so too. Also depends on how pro-family the couple is

 

[159er]

 

Is it true that there is a different kind of joy/pleasure derived from your child? Despite all the sacrifices, sleep loss etc?

Like seeing a mini-me running/crawling around perhaps?

 

During the time when i woke up at night, the frustration will be there. But the next morning when you woke up, the angel smile you see from your kid, it erases all frustration/tiredness you had.

 

I cannot tolerate prolonged crying but we have to constantly remind ourselves they are young and that is their only way of expressing themselves.

 

During the 1st week when my gal came home from hospital, i was like given a adrenalin injection. i can be waking up at 7am... not sleeping till 3am with short naps when if possible.

 

I cannot describe the exact feeling. Somehow your own kid will seems to have some magic which makes any other things in the world doesn't matter actually...

[Icebrush79]

 

No lah, not hell.

 

Just that you lose the freedom. there is a change in lfestyle, etc.

 

Once kid come into family, priorities change, you may think more before you spend on indulgence. Your friends say go pub, but you want to go home play with baby. Your friends say go Krabi for water activities, you think of going beach play sand with your kids......

 

Some fathers embrace the new lifestyle, some complain and find ways to "sneak" from duties..... Either way, lifestyle changes.

 

Or there are those hands-off father. Don't change diaper, don't feed milk, don't bathe baby, and play with them only. Once baby crying, pass to someone else to soothe....

 

Many different fathers, many different pattern...... all going through parenthood...

 

Ya, I think it is the loss of freedom that scares me the most. The thought of it.... maybe the reality of it isn't that bad, I am the kind who hates the unknown (ya kiasu type, prefer to know what i'm getting into and be as pessimistic as I can untill proven otherwise) - when your mindset is at its worst, nothing can get worse off right.

 

During the time when i woke up at night, the frustration will be there. But the next morning when you woke up, the angel smile you see from your kid, it erases all frustration/tiredness you had.

 

I cannot tolerate prolonged crying but we have to constantly remind ourselves they are young and that is their only way of expressing themselves.

 

During the 1st week when my gal came home from hospital, i was like given a adrenalin injection. i can be waking up at 7am... not sleeping till 3am with short naps when if possible.

 

I cannot describe the exact feeling. Somehow your own kid will seems to have some magic which makes any other things in the world doesn't matter actually...

 

I can probably comment only when I reach there bro. I tend to get very short fused especially when I'm tired and woke up prematurely, guess that is one major thing i'm not looking foward to as well.

 

As for crying, I get advises from friends that it is unwise to pick the baby up once he/she starts crying, as they will get used to the attention and expects to be carried all the time. True?

 

 

[159er]

How much do you guys need to set aside for one child on average per mth? From newborn to say 3 years old, 1K per mth enough?

 

 

As my gal is not on any formula, i saved quite alot.

 

Diapers, 1 pack $23 last me 1.5 weeks so that is about 70-80 per month.

Misc (bottle cleaner, baby cream, shower) - 100/mth

On months when she has to visit PD - 300 to 700 (can be pay via CDA)

 

It fluctuates so i will say on average 500-700 per month is sufficient for me. This excludes expenses on my maid who helps out my mum with housework when she takes care of my gal during daytime. Have a nephew who is just over a year old so need an extra helping hand for my mum.

 

As i am a 1st time parent, i am not what are the exact cost as she grows older. but we are definitely not splurging on unnecessary stuff and saving up more $$ for rainy days.

[Lala81]

It's moments of true happiness.

It's sad but true. Everyone thinks their love for their wife or parents is the most you love someone. Then when u become a father, everything else pales in comparison.

No one can love their parent as much as they love their own child.
As i said to my friend, the only way u can repay your parents is to love your child as much as they loved you.

 

 

 

Is it true that there is a different kind of joy/pleasure derived from your child? Despite all the sacrifices, sleep loss etc?
Like seeing a mini-me running/crawling around perhaps?

I appreciate my parents more after i became a father. Sad to need to be one to love your parents more, but it's true.

 

As my gal is not on any formula, i saved quite alot.

 

Diapers, 1 pack $23 last me 1.5 weeks so that is about 70-80 per month.

Misc (bottle cleaner, baby cream, shower) - 100/mth

On months when she has to visit PD - 300 to 700 (can be pay via CDA)

 

It fluctuates so i will say on average 500-700 per month is sufficient for me. This excludes expenses on my maid who helps out my mum with housework when she takes care of my gal during daytime. Have a nephew who is just over a year old so need an extra helping hand for my mum.

 

As i am a 1st time parent, i am not what are the exact cost as she grows older. but we are definitely not splurging on unnecessary stuff and saving up more $$ for rainy days.

 

preschool is a killer. unless u want to go PCF. even then it's not "cheap".

[159er]

 

Ya, I think it is the loss of freedom that scares me the most. The thought of it.... maybe the reality of it isn't that bad, I am the kind who hates the unknown (ya kiasu type, prefer to know what i'm getting into and be as pessimistic as I can untill proven otherwise) - when your mindset is at its worst, nothing can get worse off right.

 

I can probably comment only when I reach there bro. I tend to get very short fused especially when I'm tired and woke up prematurely, guess that is one major thing i'm not looking foward to as well.

 

As for crying, I get advises from friends that it is unwise to pick the baby up once he/she starts crying, as they will get used to the attention and expects to be carried all the time. True?

 

 

 

Some also say letting a infant cry for long periods is not good as well. I cannot bear my gal crying and usually will try to sooth her. If soothing doesn't work, then it will be carry. I don't tell myself not to carry when she cry in order to get her use to it. So far @ 6 months, she has no issues playing with toys herself when awake. Only time she cry for attention is when she is hungry, sleepy or simply bored.

preschool is a killer. unless u want to go PCF. even then it's not "cheap".

 

My wife is the controller. She knows the costs and i just want to know how much i need to give her every month.

[Icebrush79]

I appreciate my parents more after i became a father. Sad to need to be one to love your parents more, but it's true.

 

Sad but true statement. We learn to cherish parents, who are always unconditional in giving their love and often taken for granted until we realise the kind of sacrifices we have to give being parents ourselves.

[Lala81]

depends on the child personality. My girl can cry for 1-2 hrs if she doesn't get what she want.

Ignoring say is easy. Every other child's crying is just noise. Your own child's one will trigger an emotional response.

 

Watch out for your wife especially, when the kid cries, sometimes they can't even think straight (like even simple decisions also cannot make). Like i won't advise a new mother to drive with the child in the backseat child seat alone.

My wife, initially when kid cries for a prolonged period, really like IQ drop 30-40 points.

Edited October 9, 2014 by Lala81

[Icebrush79]

depends on the child personality. My girl can cry for 1-2 hrs if she doesn't get what she want.

Ignoring say is easy. Every other child's crying is just noise. Your own child's one will trigger an emotional response.

 

Watch out for your wife especially, when the kid cries, sometimes they can't even think straight (like even simple decisions also cannot make). Like i won't advise a new mother to drive with the child in the backseat child seat alone.

My wife, initially when kid cries for a prolonged period, really like IQ drop 30-40 points.

 

Quite funny the way you put it.. haha.

 

Thankfully, my wife is the zai type, I really do admire her for her resilience and situational awareness. That's one good takeaway from being a cabin crew for 10 over years.

I think I will tend to be the more gabra type, doesn't help when I have natural butter fingers - hope I will get by that stage plain sailingly.

 

That's the thing, I am unsure if I should attend the prenatal classes recommended by TMC, wife thinks its a waste of time as a plastic doll is different from a live baby.

I have absolutely no experience with babies, ya I find them cute, that's about it. Not the kind who loves to play with children for prolonged periods

[Ktglfc]

Now, Mod without doing anything, has already allow this thread to grow in a parents "forum" liao :))

 

Besides Car-related issues and other chit-chat issues, most of the Bros here are parents, so having a parents-related discussion would also be good :)

 

Perhaps just change the title of this thread to Parenting Discussion :))