On borrowed Time!

[RH1667]

You can tell me that again...

[Steelblue66]

Hi all

I've been a lurker for over a decade at MCF!

This is the thread that galvanizes me to reply; guess I should try to participate more now

(I follow the Watches and Liverpool threads faithfully)

 

Radx - you do not know me, but I've been reading MCF almost daily

for many years, and I admire your approach to life

You have much wisdom to share (other than policing the forum for people who don't search!)

and I just thought I'd send you this greeting

 

Evilusion - I'm saddened by your wife's condition, but sometimes it really does take someone else to talk to her to make her see

that things may not be so bad or hopeless

 

I once had a patient with a rare incurable deep fungal infection that was causing osteomyelitis and destroying his bones

I told him he needed an amputation because he had it for so many years and it would eventually kill him because of the sepsis

 

He was so reluctant at first and said he would rather die, and all his wife could do was sit sadly besides him

After many visits, when I had gained his trust, I told him that with the advance in prosthetics, he could still ambulate and not be a cripple; he could still do his job and not leave his wife to fend for herself; I wrote letters to HDB to help him downgrade his flat and move to another smaller flat with a lift on the floor, and he finally changed his mind!

 

In the end, after over a year of trying to contain the condition with meds, he agreed for me to send him to orthopaedics to amputate the leg, except that because he delayed, he needed an above knee one instead of a below knee - but he lived on, and the thank you letter he sent me moved me to tears..(a rare thing in our line of work)

[Evillusion]

Hi all

I've been a lurker for over a decade at MCF!

This is the thread that galvanizes me to reply; guess I should try to participate more now

(I follow the Watches and Liverpool threads faithfully)

 

Radx - you do not know me, but I've been reading MCF almost daily

for many years, and I admire your approach to life

You have much wisdom to share (other than policing the forum for people who don't search!)

and I just thought I'd send you this greeting

 

Evilusion - I'm saddened by your wife's condition, but sometimes it really does take someone else to talk to her to make her see

that things may not be so bad or hopeless

 

I once had a patient with a rare incurable deep fungal infection that was causing osteomyelitis and destroying his bones

I told him he needed an amputation because he had it for so many years and it would eventually kill him because of the sepsis

 

He was so reluctant at first and said he would rather die, and all his wife could do was sit sadly besides him

After many visits, when I had gained his trust, I told him that with the advance in prosthetics, he could still ambulate and not be a cripple; he could still do his job and not leave his wife to fend for herself; I wrote letters to HDB to help him downgrade his flat and move to another smaller flat with a lift on the floor, and he finally changed his mind!

 

In the end, after over a year of trying to contain the condition with meds, he agreed for me to send him to orthopaedics to amputate the leg, except that because he delayed, he needed an above knee one instead of a below knee - but he lived on, and the thank you letter he sent me moved me to tears..(a rare thing in our line of work)

Thanks bro.....2006 and this is your 1st post! Your self restraint must be very tokkong

[Kurty]

Thanks bro.....2006 and this is your 1st post! Your self restraint must be very tokkong

[Matrix0405]

she refused to go! A friend had given me a specialist contact from Eastshore but she is very steadfast in not going! She says its a waste of time and money! Told her to go KTPH she lagi says it a waste of time. Thats why i get stressed out and depressed when she wants to talk about it. And when i get depressed i will shut down and need to be alone but she will insist on talking and the cycle will go on!

Thanks everyone for the words of comfort!

 

 

Have you tried getting her favorite sibling (or parents) to talk to her? Maybe that will work. If that don work, ask her to start an acct at MCF. Over here can talk abt oil change, heart change, birth and death. 

For major issue maybe can consider to skip Eastshore & KTPH. Try TTSH or SGH. 

[Evillusion]

this is why you need interesting forum like MCF.

 

where people like RadX or the horny rabbit (Jamesc) giving valuable advice and most importantly, held meet up.

 

I would love to meet you guys and make more friends

i have forego many meetups with friends,x-colleagues and x-classmates eversince i noticed she was getting worst! Maybe one day.....

[Kurty]

i have forego many meetups with friends,x-colleagues and x-classmates eversince i noticed she was getting worst! Maybe one day.....

[Evillusion]

then you are wrong.

 

if there is meet up, bring her along.

 

everywhere I go, my wife will follows..

some time, apart being spouse, she can also wear the 'hat' of your BFF.

 

of course, those guys only outing, no need to bring her.

but even if I go all guys outing, I also will bring her..

entertain me, crap with me.

 

my friends all know about this and probably resigned to the fate..

ask kurty, will bring wife..

 

but my wife also a joker, she is very friendly and spontaneous

usually its an all boy affair accept for the ex-classmates mu! Sometimes 1 can drop by from another part of the world and words spread and wala a meet up. My oc no like to hang around with friends even her own! She is more comfortable with her cousins and relatives.

[Kb27]

I've already passed borrowed time. never return the time.

So I'm now on bankruptcy time.

[Fuelsaver]

Thanks all for sharing their perspective and heart wrenching real life situations. It just made my issues so trivial. As I'm typing, I pray for the best outcomes for your situations despite not being a fervent follower of Christ.

 

Something to cheer u up -

https://youtu.be/fYgr3lK_7VA

[car50]

Well said Bro

 

Especially when that someone is a child

 

 

 

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time ....

 

Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back ...

 

[Pinobii]

think the novel you read... copy from China history one

 

人固有一死，或重于泰山，或轻于鸿毛

 

Your chinese is super good

[PSP415]

Guys...sori hor. I also in this situation! Doctor say my wife's heart is like a time bomb. Anytime can go! I feel sad but i simply refuse to talk with her about her illness! And we always ends up quarelling about it as there is so much that i can do! I rather we talked about death and the consequences for those that we will leave behind! Doctor have given her many medication but she had allergies to all of them resulting in rashes and very bad boils! I really stress but if she mentioned anything about her condition my stress level will go up! I can laugh i can joke but deep inside i very sad!

Perhaps she is more fearful than you know. Sometimes it's the denial stage and hoping that things will improve on its own over time if one just not think about it or acknowledge there is a health problem.

 

Not knowing her.... Heck, I dun even know you either other than the times we respond to each other's posts. She may have the personal conviction that it's fated and when it is time to go, nothing can prevent it.

 

Sorry no wise words but just take comfort that you still have her and everyday becomes more precious just for this.

 

Rather than be stressed and quarrel every other day or whenever this crops up, why not give her the space and time to gather courage to confront her illness. If you believe in God, seek strength from Him. For yourself to be calm and patient. Frankly every moment now is more precious, fill it with more laughter and really snuggle-up heart chats just like courting days. Along the way, good if she decides to go for medical treatment otherwise, you have at least made her remaining time memorable and no regrets.

 

My prayers go out for you and loved ones. It is easy for me to yada yada here but the day by day worrying will be tough on you. How should I put it? She actually needs you to be strong in her times of weakness. She needs you to be happy and just be at her side. Let her figure out what she wants to do. She may worry that treatment might shorten her time on the operating bed....or the financial strain for long-term medical attention or just plain ignorance of her real condition. Denial is a powerful mental block.

 

Take care and hv a good holiday from worrying. It's just you in a rocking chair, lots of sweat and movement but going nowhere.

 

Safe ride too

[Evillusion]

Perhaps she is more fearful than you know. Sometimes it's the denial stage and hoping that things will improve on its own over time if one just not think about it or acknowledge there is a health problem.

 

Not knowing her.... Heck, I dun even know you either other than the times we respond to each other's posts. She may have the personal conviction that it's fated and when it is time to go, nothing can prevent it.

 

Sorry no wise words but just take comfort that you still have her and everyday becomes more precious just for this.

 

Rather than be stressed and quarrel every other day or whenever this crops up, why not give her the space and time to gather courage to confront her illness. If you believe in God, seek strength from Him. For yourself to be calm and patient. Frankly every moment now is more precious, fill it with more laughter and really snuggle-up heart chats just like courting days. Along the way, good if she decides to go for medical treatment otherwise, you have at least made her remaining time memorable and no regrets.

 

My prayers go out for you and loved ones. It is easy for me to yada yada here but the day by day worrying will be tough on you. How should I put it? She actually needs you to be strong in her times of weakness. She needs you to be happy and just be at her side. Let her figure out what she wants to do. She may worry that treatment might shorten her time on the operating bed....or the financial strain for long-term medical attention or just plain ignorance of her real condition. Denial is a powerful mental block.

 

Take care and hv a good holiday from worrying. It's just you in a rocking chair, lots of sweat and movement but going nowhere.

 

Safe ride too

thanks bro.....coming here and reading the posts again and again is quite soothing! I doubt she is in denial but more afraid for herself and our daughter well-being. Sometime she can say the most hurtful words suvh as 'i know when i am gone you will have other girls'....the other day she said she dreamt that she died and i was on her grave smiling and saying i was actually waiting for this day! Sad sia! But i know she is in 'that' mode so i just keep quiet.

One of her acquaintance's husband passed on recently with most of the similar symptom and she is afraid for my oc. Now i Just take things day by day.

[Steelblue66]

Eviillusion - I think many of us truly empathise with your situation; heck, that's why I bothered to post after lurking for a decade!

 

It sucks but you do need to be the stronger one; your wife currently has a fatalistic attitude and i'm sure she doesn't mean it when she says things that hurt you.You are right that she's probably not only sad but afraid as well, and in situations like this, we sometimes elect to do nothing and hope for the best.

 

The fact that she wants to talk about her health may make you upset at times, but it also opens a door for your message to eventually get through. She probably needs to ventilate and maybe when she's done, she'll feel better and you can convince her that you are prepared to face the rest of life's journey together with her - afterall, your marriage vows do cover "in sickness and in health".

 

If we can encourage you to push on, then thats something that's worth our time. God bless!

[mersaylee]

It's always heart wrenching to read posts like these...

 

Till today, I still feel a part of me is missing when my beloved mother passed on after suffered more than a decade of parkinsonism.

 

It's really tough on my father whom was the primary caregiver and he collapsed mentally as well as emotionally near her last years...he's still on the long term medication to curb his mood swing.

 

Bro Eviilusion, it's not easy being the caregiver. But your wife needs you more than she needs anyone else. Just be there and listen to her without any immediate response whenever she needs to talk. Just be reassuring that you'll be there whenever she needs you. Women DNA are such that their mood automatically turn for the better when they know you've listened, not necessarily understand or agree to... You just need to figure out your own channel of out let, in legal fashion of course, as you have to know that it's important to take care of yourself first before you can take care of her and your 11 yo.

 

If you are not religious, do come in here to seek sanctuary or cheers from some nice gentlemen or trek the tiko ranger thread for some mental voyage to the wonderland.

 

You may not be able to help your wife on the medical aspect but as her soul mate, I'm confident that you know exactly what you need to do to face this challenge together.

 

Think positive and things usually turn out positively. Remember, never underestimate the power of positive thinking - it keeps us going.

 

May you find strength and motivation from the last thing that Ong had said in that linked article.

 

My sincere best wishes to you and your family.

[Hamburger]

Bro Eviillusion, I only have this to say.

 

Attend to her needs and talk about it and most importantly, empathise with her.

 

Be strong. You are her fortress and the only person she can turn to. Not her family members nor her friends, but you.

[RadX]

Eviillusion - I think many of us truly empathise with your situation; heck, that's why I bothered to post after lurking for a decade!

 

It sucks but you do need to be the stronger one; your wife currently has a fatalistic attitude and i'm sure she doesn't mean it when she says things that hurt you.You are right that she's probably not only sad but afraid as well, and in situations like this, we sometimes elect to do nothing and hope for the best.

 

The fact that she wants to talk about her health may make you upset at times, but it also opens a door for your message to eventually get through. She probably needs to ventilate and maybe when she's done, she'll feel better and you can convince her that you are prepared to face the rest of life's journey together with her - afterall, your marriage vows do cover "in sickness and in health".

 

If we can encourage you to push on, then thats something that's worth our time. God bless!

 

 

Well said bro and thanks for coming out of 'monkhood' and posting 

 

Really appreciate the kind words you put in your previous post, and I am just a normal human bean, with the experience that enables me to share my thoughts after my earlier incidents.  It has made me more resilient and I guess, I am fortunate to have the strength gained from God to plod on.  We all have our crosses to bear, and whilst one is at it, do good and enrich others as well.

 

Bro @eviilusion as what the others have said, you have to remain steadfast and strong and to steer the ship.  Tough, but it is for your better sanity as you would be the one to be helming the front.  Case in point, after my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung CA, I was clear on what I had to do and to and to steer right to the end, void of emotions but keeping rational thought and to give that closure.  This, I believe, is what your Mrs would want for you as well.  To move on with your head high and state that 'you and her lived a complete life, till the end'.  Although she says those nasty terms, it is essentially dissonance eating into her and sometimes, these happens as they go through the myriad of emotions and thoughts in their present state.  Be the bigger person, and let it be.

 

Peace all and great thoughts from all Bros here!

Hi all

I've been a lurker for over a decade at MCF!

This is the thread that galvanizes me to reply; guess I should try to participate more now

(I follow the Watches and Liverpool threads faithfully)

 

Radx - you do not know me, but I've been reading MCF almost daily

for many years, and I admire your approach to life

You have much wisdom to share (other than policing the forum for people who don't search!)

and I just thought I'd send you this greeting

 

Evilusion - I'm saddened by your wife's condition, but sometimes it really does take someone else to talk to her to make her see

that things may not be so bad or hopeless

 

I once had a patient with a rare incurable deep fungal infection that was causing osteomyelitis and destroying his bones

I told him he needed an amputation because he had it for so many years and it would eventually kill him because of the sepsis

 

He was so reluctant at first and said he would rather die, and all his wife could do was sit sadly besides him

After many visits, when I had gained his trust, I told him that with the advance in prosthetics, he could still ambulate and not be a cripple; he could still do his job and not leave his wife to fend for herself; I wrote letters to HDB to help him downgrade his flat and move to another smaller flat with a lift on the floor, and he finally changed his mind!

 

In the end, after over a year of trying to contain the condition with meds, he agreed for me to send him to orthopaedics to amputate the leg, except that because he delayed, he needed an above knee one instead of a below knee - but he lived on, and the thank you letter he sent me moved me to tears..(a rare thing in our line of work)

 

Thanks for the heads up my friend!  A great story and really, it is what drove us to care for and be there for patients in the line of duty.

 

Peace be upon you as you discharge your duties with such conviction.  A rarity nowadays, and I am humbled that you are within the midst of MCF.     to share your story.