Impregnation before marriage. What Approach to take?

[RadX]

err... differnt  MAN do different thing leh    

 

 

eh u dun cb hor...ur son cumming of age too...esp in poly......wait i see u posting here asking same thing i laugh...hahahahah

[Tonyng]

To me, best option is single parenthood - with expense support from boy - triple win on all fronts - but need family support. Social acceptance on the rise I feel.

 

Marriage - not wise. Likely messy divorce later.

 

Abortion - last resort, am personally not keen - exceptional circumstances - only if baby will have a hard life like drug addict mother etc.

[RadX]

To me, best option is single parenthood - with expense support from boy - triple win on all fronts - but need family support. Social acceptance on the rise I feel.

 

Marriage - not wise. Likely messy divorce later.

 

Abortion - last resort, am personally not keen - exceptional circumstances - only if baby will have a hard life like drug addict mother etc.

 

wise words bro.....

[Ingenius]

i honestly think.. it depends on the 2 kids..  

 

its like when you were young.. you have friends that shot gun marriage... but u know they will make it work.. and then you have those that you ask yourself..   why? 

 

so.. the issue is ... which are they? 

 

and even if they are those that can make it work.. would their parents allow them to??

The parent and myself feel that they have not gone through enough relationship experience to be sure this marriage will last, and they may change after they start working.  Then isn't it better not to marry for the sake of marrying and then break up later, or is it better to do just what is right for now and hope things pander out well /

[SuPerBoRed]

To me, best option is single parenthood - with expense support from boy - triple win on all fronts - but need family support. Social acceptance on the rise I feel.

what about what the kid wants?

 

 

Marriage - not wise. Likely messy divorce later.

well.. i have seen success cases... 

 

 

Abortion - last resort, am personally not keen - exceptional circumstances - only if baby will have a hard life like drug addict mother etc.

totally agree... abortion as last bo pian resort 

 

 

[Pinobii]

It's a life we are talking about, getting preggie is just the result

 

They are old enough to make their own choices and live with it

 

If I am the parents, just trust the son to choose the best for himself

 

It's very cruel to abort the little life

[Jamesc]

Always look on the bright side

 

There are couples that cannot have and go to China

 

and pay a lot of money. Can sell to them and save them

 

the airfare. Everybody wins.

 

[Ingenius]

To me, best option is single parenthood - with expense support from boy - triple win on all fronts - but need family support. Social acceptance on the rise I feel.

 

Marriage - not wise. Likely messy divorce later.

 

Abortion - last resort, am personally not keen - exceptional circumstances - only if baby will have a hard life like drug addict mother etc.

Exactly, agree with you and that's the thoughts of the parent too. Tentatively the marriage will be carried out soon, and now they are troubled.  Actually the way I se it, the parent don't want them to get married now as they're only less than a year into the r/s and this is the first r/s for the on.  Not sure for the gf.

Edited January 16, 2017 by Ingenius

[Jman888]

The parent and myself feel that they have not gone through enough relationship experience to be sure this marriage will last, and they may change after they start working.  Then isn't it better not to marry for the sake of marrying and then break up later, or is it better to do just what is right for now and hope things pander out well /

 

 

both the kids' family culture and background play a part of long lasting marriage. Dun worry i trust both are from good family  

[RadX]

Amidst all the wrong direction and langga cases I sarpok this to be thread of month as it is RIGHT DIRECTION issue and LANGGA issue also but diff context so let's keep this thread alive in the view of National Education and all can benefit here

 

Thanks @ingenius for this breath of fresh air(some say juice) here... haaaaa

[Ingenius]

both the kids' family culture and background play a part of long lasting marriage. Dun worry i trust both are from good family  

Indeed the boy is from a good family with good upbringing, not withstanding the rashlessnes and mistake.  That's why the boy wants to take responsibility.

Edited January 16, 2017 by Ingenius

[RadX]

It's a life we are talking about, getting preggie is just the result

 

They are old enough to make their own choices and live with it

 

If I am the parents, just trust the son to choose the best for himself

 

It's very cruel to abort the little life

U got do? Wow...

[Vid]

nah.. based on reply.. kids want a life together.. parents/relatives dont want them together unless they prove themselves mature enough and have thought it through...

 

thats the conuldrum

Parents not wrong. Money issue can break a marriage and the one who suffer is the kid.

[SuPerBoRed]

The parent and myself feel that they have not gone through enough relationship experience to be sure this marriage will last, and they may change after they start working.  Then isn't it better not to marry for the sake of marrying and then break up later, or is it better to do just what is right for now and hope things pander out well /

 

take a step back.. would you change your views if this is not your relative? 

 

i think the social norm of how a 长辈 should react is detrimental.. 

 

its impossible for the parents/relatives to really ''know'' the couple.. 

 

phrase it this way..  as i said earlier.. when we have close friends who shotgun.. it is easier to be neutral, make an educated guess if it would work out...   but somehow .. when younger relatives/fam members are involved... its the same cliched replies.. no long term future.. set to fail etc

 

well.. its always going to be tough to hv kids with no career to speak of...    but... there is always light ahead of the road isnt it?

 

and to me.. at university age... the decision is theirs ultimately.. 

[Jman888]

To me, best option is single parenthood - with expense support from boy - triple win on all fronts - but need family support. Social acceptance on the rise I feel.

 

Marriage - not wise. Likely messy divorce later.

 

Abortion - last resort, am personally not keen - exceptional circumstances - only if baby will have a hard life like drug addict mother etc.

 

 

who will get into a marriage with a thinking that it will definitely fail?

[Theoldjaffa]

I wish to present a hypothetical question.  What if your son,  impregnate his girlfriend, and both are still at a schooling age ( say, Uni level)  ?  Suppose both of them don't have career, little experience in relationship to make a lifetime commitment and to form a family.  What are the options and what will you do as a parent ?  Please discuss and share your wisdom, thanks.

ask the son based on gut feel. dun need to think, just the first answer that comes to his mind - based on the past few months of getting along, does he think the girl is right for him?

 

the more we try to rationalise, the more confused we get.

 

this kind of situation, should go with gut feel. that's what i'd do when i'm faced with complex situations.

[Tianmo]

This is likely few of those serious reply from me.

 

Etiquette, responsibilities, and the norm, the way is of course to get married.

 

But rationally, is getting married the best option?  Sometimes we feel is not fair to the lady and the man is being irresponsible. But at the young age, they have not really seen the world, they have not enjoyed themselves enough, are they really ready? Having a planned family and looking forward to a baby is very different from shotgun unprepared. The stress on of both of them can be high, especially when they are still schooling. Can the guy concentrate on his studies? Can the girl continue her studies after giving birth? Will they break up later after they cannot take it? Will they break up after they see some one later in their working life? 

 

A baby is always good to bond the family, but he/she can also be a burden to the parents, in a shotgun case. if things are not clear, best to keep things clean.

 

 I may not sound etiquette, but thats me, thats why I am the demon. I am mind over heart. 

Edited January 16, 2017 by Tianmo

[SuPerBoRed]

Parents not wrong. Money issue can break a marriage and the one who suffer is the kid.

wei wei .. i never say parents wrong la dey..   all want the bests for their kids..  

 

thats the truth...