The advent of apps and the Internet have revolutionised our ability to connect instantaneously. From social media to video calls to messaging apps, our capacity for real-time communication is unprecedented.

However, it seems that the more hyperconnected we are online, the further apart we're growing in real life.

Experts' Consensus

Doctors, scientists, and specialists have all reached the same conclusion: Staring at our devices causes us to drift further apart – a trend I've observed for the past 15 years (I acquired my first smartphone in 2010).

Make meaningful connections first and maintain them, then use social media to stay in touch. Not the other way around. (Image: dole777, Unsplash)

During a lunch with my teammates that year, one of my colleagues took a photo of me and two colleagues and posted it on his Facebook account with the caption, "iPhone disease." The image depicted three friends fixated on their phones, oblivious to one another.

Walk into any restaurant today, and if a table is silent, it's likely that everyone is on their devices. Putting them away facilitates bonding and meaningful conversations, as opposed to everyone remaining in their own bubble.

We all need alone time, but being alone all the time is unhealthy. (Image: George Eiermann, Unsplash)

The Solitary Existence

The ability to remain in our own world is convenient. With earphones, ear buds, or headphones on, you have private time anytime or all the time. It's a boon when commuting, as you don't have to hear anyone else's conversation or music.

However, the ability to cocoon ourselves pushes us apart. And when text messaging or Zoom meetings are preferable to face-to-face interactions, we're no longer able to socialise effectively. It goes against our nature as social beings.

While it is true that sending a text or email can be quicker and more efficient than talking to someone directly, the price we pay is missed opportunities for personal connections. In the office, getting up to talk to a colleague from another department means:

• Getting your point across quickly and clearly, especially for complicated matters
• Less time spent sitting down, which is unhealthy
• A chance for direct communication. Unlike words on a screen, seeing someone's facial expressions and body language reduces the risk of misunderstandings
• Learning more about the other person's job, which can help us empathise with each other
• The chance to form meaningful friendships

Spending too much time in the digital realm makes us wary of real-life interactions. (Image: Michelle Tresemer, Unsplash)

A Private World

Our reliance on devices and (over)consumption of online media is making us more guarded. The more time we spend in our own bubbles, the more inward-looking we become. Why bother speaking to other people when everything I want can be found online?

Algorithms ensure that your social media accounts become echo chambers, feeding you an endless stream of content that you love.

These algorithms have wired us to seek pleasure online. If you speak to others in real life, you risk discovering something about them you don't like. Inevitably, we begin to think that talking to others is a waste of time. It's far better to retreat into our digital realms, where everything is just as we like it.

A 10-minute kopi session is 10,000 times better than a 10-minute online chat. (Image: Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash)

Changing Habits

The good news is that many have realised what's been happening and are trying to change. We hear of parents trying to set an example by reducing their device usage, especially at mealtimes.

I have friends who, apart from spending less time on social media, periodically do a 'digital detox' by staying offline for an entire weekend. They all say the same thing afterwards: The world didn't end just because they didn't see what their friends were up to.

I once had a friendly debate with a colleague who said it was more prudent to message key industry figures instead of meeting them in person. While he understood the value of in-person meetings, he suggested forgoing these to benefit my sanity by giving myself more time to work.

Facial expressions and body language matter as much – if not even more – than the actual words typed or spoken. (Image: Resume Genius, Unsplash)

Technically, he is right. However, it's not how I relate to key figures who hail from the same 'older batch.' I was a newbie when these folks were also new to the trade. And before the digital realm overtook our lives, we got to know each other the 'analogue' way.

Rather than quick hellos and goodbyes, we drank coffee and had lunch. Relationships grew warmer, and working together became smoother over time. We exchanged intel and gossip and helped each other out when we could.

Thanks to these personal and professional relationships, any issues that arise are relatively minor and are easily settled with a text message or a two-minute phone call. It's easy when you know each other and are comfortable getting straight to the point. It's harder to accomplish the same thing with someone you barely speak to in real life.

So, put that device back in your pocket and look at the person or people you're with. Go and 'disturb' your colleagues at the end of the day. Lower your guard and be more accepting. Because while your online presence counts, it'll never be as important as your physical presence, especially to people who matter.

- Jeremy