Monday Humour (Quotes from accident reports in UK)

[Rickster]

20. "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

 

19. "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

 

18. Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

A: Travelled by bus?

 

17. A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q - What warning was given by you?

A - Horn

Q - What warning was given by the other party?

A - Moo

 

16. "I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".

 

15. "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

 

14. "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".

 

13. "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

 

12. "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

 

11. "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

 

10. "I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

 

9. "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

 

8. "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

 

7. "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

 

6. "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

 

5. "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"

 

4. "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

 

3. "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

 

2. "I was going at about 70 or 80mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

 

1. "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."