Sharing of Good Jokes

[QQ2017]

Another Cock Story

 

A farmer owns 25 young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

 

Old cock to Young cock. 

 

Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity. 

 

Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired. 

 

Old cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some? 

 

Young cock: No!! Not even one, all of them will be mine. 

 

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all. 

 

Young cock: OKKK.. What kind of competition? 

 

Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

 

Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning. 

 

In the morning the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might. 

 

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock's back in a matter of seconds. 

 

Suddenly..."BANG"   !!! 

 

Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer ... who cursed, : "What The Hell" This is the 5th GAY cock I've bought this week." 

 

Moral: beware of senior experience in Corporate politics !!!!!

 

Hokkien said: don't mess with 'lau chiau'!           

[Kusje]

sorry i dont understand what you mean?? 

 

no one does haha. check his entire post history...

 

I think he uses his own brand of "google translate".

[kdash]

no one does haha. check his entire post history...

 

I think he uses his own brand of "google translate".

 

he quoted me but didnt tag me. not sure what his joke means either. and why must put the word "idiot" leh... 

[Wormee]

SINGAPORE AIRLINES

GOOD ONE.

 

Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked : 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????'

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant : 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded : 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?'

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you...!”

 

 

[Fireball0088]

no one does haha. check his entire post history...

 

I think he uses his own brand of "google translate".

 

Maybe that's why it is a joke 

[AltisOwner]

Good karma?

GOD asks Chandru: "Now that you are old, you have to choose either Parkinson's disease (hand shivering) or Alzheimer's (memory loss) as punishment for your karma in this life."

Chandru goes to Baskar who advises him to choose Parkinson and says, "Its better to spill half glass of whiskey than to forget where the bottles are kept."

Chandru hugs Baskar.

That's what friends are for !

[AltisOwner]

What a joke :)

 

 

Edited October 31, 2017 by AltisOwner

[AltisOwner]

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said,

"We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."

Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said,

"Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said,

"Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"

Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Glad to be drunk...

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

 

Edited October 31, 2017 by AltisOwner

[AltisOwner]

Impossible to Please....

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

 

 

[AltisOwner]

New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

 

 

[QQ2017]

 

“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.

 

“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“My father couldn’t stand her.”

[Newbie26]

Bro, dont try too hard to understand women

 

Because......

 

So apt.....

 

[lausai88]

 

[Noob79]

lol, this is so true...

 

Bro, dont try too hard to understand women

 

Because......

 

 

[Noob79]

lol, how many of us will dare to reply in that manner...

 

download2.jpg

 

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[BanCoe]

.

[nuttyprofessor]

Since Prince Charles and Camilla are in town.........

 

 

 

[AltisOwner]

A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field n which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."

The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."

Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."