Suicide over O level results

[Joseph22]

My colleague was one, when her child was a teenager I can alwats hear her talking over the phone .. "NO DINNER tonight if you do not finish your homework!" "Headache? Go take panadol, rest 10 mins and go study!" "Study is for your own good!" And I always reminded myself not to be like her but of course her daughter did extremely well. She is now doing her PHD at Cambridge University..... ><

the one in bold... how can one be so irresponsible not to finish homework.

[Enye]

A big reminder to myself. I have been pushing my son and drilling him in math and english for his psle.. I think I have to apply a little brake.

 

Thanks TS, the article do need to be standalone.

 

never drill him for DSA entrance tests and interviews?

 

many parents now stressed over this....which classmate went to which school for which test and interview on which subject

 

whatsapp is literally exploding with this type of gossip

 

[Loki]

Sad that it ended this way. Good thing CO always heed my advice to take it easy on son's academic achievements and to let him be, can or cannot do well...nevermind, the world does not end.

 

 

Yah. Same here. My CO is very type A personality - used to always drive and push the kids. Their relationship got really bad and kids hated her.

 

Eventually and over time, she is learning to lighten up and I have to keep reminding her that our kids will have to lead their own lives and learn their own lessons. We cannot expect them to live our lives and expect them to achieve our academic achievements. As long as the kids turn out to have good values, continue to work hard, are kind and compassionate, have some goals in life, that is good enough.

 

After my CO learned to relax, her relationship with our kids is also much much better.

[Lala81]

Tragic news. Mother is blinded by her own obsession.

 

never drill him for DSA entrance tests and interviews?

 

many parents now stressed over this....which classmate went to which school for which test and interview on which subject

 

whatsapp is literally exploding with this type of gossip

 

As t2 would say. If u are rich, don't need to slap your face to become prosperous. Lol

Though it is good to have some preparation for an interview. Helps a lot. Oral exam doesn't count lol

[Mr_b20]

RIP, victims of our education system.

[Enye]

As t2 would say. If u are rich, don't need to slap your face to become prosperous. Lol

Though it is good to have some preparation for an interview. Helps a lot. Oral exam doesn't count lol

 

wait until your kid turn 12 then come here and review what you posted hor

 

[Jman888]

 

never drill him for DSA entrance tests and interviews?

 

many parents now stressed over this....which classmate went to which school for which test and interview on which subject

 

whatsapp is literally exploding with this type of gossip

 

 

 

use CCA for DSA can? those are for some who is borderline

[Byteslurve]

Tragic... sad case

[Sosaria]

Drive to do well in studies and life must ultimately come from the children themselves.

 

No point having a parent push them, then when the pressure is removed, they will slack?

 

"Pushing" has to be done indirectly, e.g. by showing example or providing the opportunities to excel. Other than that, whether or not to make good full use of the chances... it is very much up to the kid.

 

I agree with some people saying that no point if the kid is a high achiever but never take care of the parents later in life (although this is now becoming less of an expectation, but I still am of the traditional thinking and want to retire earlier )

[Enye]

 

 

use CCA for DSA can? those are for some who is borderline

 

can. those parents not only push academic work but also push sports training

 

their kids machiam superkids

 

[Sosaria]

 

 

use CCA for DSA can? those are for some who is borderline

 

Those who DSA on exceptional abilities, like sports or music, I think the interview is just a formality.

 

Even for those who have high academic ability, or from GEP, it seems to be a mere formality.

 

Some say that the schools already pre-select whom they want to pick, and the interview is just to confirm their choice and to show some kind of selection has taken place.

[Loki]

 

wait until your kid turn 12 then come here and review what you posted hor

 

 

When my kids were 12, I sat them down at the start of the year and told them:

 

"This is a very important year for you. You will be taking your PSLE. I want your to follow my instructions for your study plans for this year and this is something I am very serious about. For the whole of this year, you are not allowed to study on every Sunday - every Sunday is a day for playing, outings and relaxing. You do all your homework and revision on all other days. Sunday - no books allowed."

 

My kids were the envy of their friends.

[Sosaria]

 

can. those parents not only push academic work but also push sports training

 

their kids machiam superkids

 

 

The term "push" is quite subjective and what seems to others to be "pushing" could be not at all.

 

Some kids do have aptitude and interest to pursue music or sports, etc. so parents just provide the opportunity, e.g. sign them up for classes, etc. - I don't think this is "pushing" though it appears so to others whose kids just prefer to 'lepak' at home.

 

And once committed to learn something, even with aptitude and interest, some kids don't have the right habits, e.g. want to play an instrument, but lazy to do proper scheduled practices, then the parent has to step in and "push" - again, I don't think this is negative. Just guiding them to have the correct attitude and determination.

Edited July 28, 2015 by Sosaria

[Enye]

 

The term "push" is quite subjective and what seems to others to be "pushing" could be not at all.

 

Some kids do have aptitude and interest to pursue music or sports, etc. so parents just provide the opportunity, e.g. sign them up for classes, etc. - I don't think this is "pushing" though it appears so to others whose kids just prefer to 'lepak' at home.

 

And once committed to learn something, even with aptitude and interest, some kids don't have the right habits, e.g. want to play an instrument, but lazy to do proper scheduled practices, then the parent has to step in and "push" - again, I don't think this is negative. Just guiding them to have the correct attitude and determination.

 

parents who push will always say it is for the kids' own good

 

they think that's nothing wrong

 

that's what happened to the mother in the article, right?

 

she still thought she did the right thing even after her child's funeral until she herself broke down later on

 

that's real sad

[Jman888]

 

The term "push" is quite subjective and what seems to others to be "pushing" could be not at all.

 

Some kids do have aptitude and interest to pursue music or sports, etc. so parents just provide the opportunity, e.g. sign them up for classes, etc. - I don't think this is "pushing" though it appears so to others whose kids just prefer to 'lepak' at home.

 

And once committed to learn something, even with aptitude and interest, some kids don't have the right habits, e.g. want to play an instrument, but lazy to do proper scheduled practices, then the parent has to step in and "push" - again, I don't think this is negative. Just guiding them to have the correct attitude and determination.

 

 

some school of thought would suggest to let children pick up one music instrument (piano is first thing come to mind) and stick to it at least till intermediate level. Partly to train their patient and to de-stress when they need to, purely for recreation and not forcing.

[Spring]

Got a classmate who is a psychologist and he had a student patient who came to see him as in her words "I'm doing badly in school, so can't take it".

 

Classmate went to her school to talk to the principal who commented that this student was actually very smart and had always finished amongst the top 3 in her cohort, in fact more often 2nd. However, she was very annoyed to lose to the top student consistently and thus branded herself a failure.

 

There was no pressure from parents supposedly and neither was there from the school and she brought this pressure on herself till she couldn't take it. There was also another case of a student slashing herself again due to study pressure. Not generalizing but it seems that more often, they are girls.

 

Anyway, as parents we should watch our child's behavior and whilst it's good to be self-motivated. Tell tale signs must be observed and acted on quickly before the situation gets out of hand. That said, our busy parents of today have little time for their children so good reminder to take a step back occasionally and remember your child's well being is paramount and no point being successful in your career at their expense, be warned!!!

[Carnoob]

I had been a kid and now a father... I understand how kids feel about letting the parents down bla... bla... bla... but in the first place it was the parents who had set the 'invisible' standard for the kids to achieve.

 

Yes, every parents want their kids to be successful but don't place our expectations on them. They need to have their personal space to grow... By growing they learn...

 

I was a kid with parents who were very concern about my grades telling me not good enough bla... bla... bla... but eventually I have to take the 'fruits' of my labour not the parents... they may not be long enough to enjoy... so similarly, my CFO is extremely concentrating on grades but I'm more on skills... swimming, chess, music etc find one that they are competent with and grow the skills... eventually when Singapore is saturated with degrees, masters, PhD then these skills will be their advantage to look for jobs e.g. coaches, athletes, musicians...

 

We are alr at a point where degree holders can be found every stone throw away so why compete for corporate jobs when there are others to find... We have to accept the fact that everyone had a purpose on this planet and it is definitely not just to be a money slave or rich and famous.

 

We cannot live forever, either we succeed in our dreams or just live it to be happy... Dying is not an option until you live life the fullest...

 

Again, as a parent, I have expectations and dreams but I don't assume that these are my kids' dreams and aspirations are well...

Edited July 28, 2015 by Carnoob

[Matoonia]

Definitely sad to hear about this as a parent. Although my eldest is only Pri2, she's alrdy attending enrichment for Maths and Chinese. My wife and I are quite similar to this case, where she is more concern about grades while I prefer to let my daughter learn at her own pace and have room to find her interests. Though must be said that in today's environment, kids when left alone will be watching TV, playing games, Hp or Ipads whole day, so it's really about striking a balance.

 

And ironically, TNP just ran a feature and profile couple of "super tutors" over the weekend, claiming that tuition also have waiting lists, and how the students have really improved under these tutors. http://www.tnp.sg/news/singapore-news/parent-offers-him-20000-grade

No doubt this will only increase pressure on students and parents alike, and exacerbate our paper chasing culture