How many kids do you have? local singaporeans only

[AR159]

21 hours ago, Wind30 said:

I have 2 kids. One Girl one boy.

I stopped there because bringing up the baby is tiring, all the sleepless nights, fall sick, etc. My reasoning is that the extra pain, work involved is not worth the third child. Law of diminishing returns. 

In fact, my second kid was not planned. I wanted to have one only.

What will make me have more kids?? Better support especially at the age 0-2... High quality infant care... a place where you can trust that you can put the baby there for maybe half a day. Must be affordable too.

More childcare leave. 2 weeks.

same same

[Watwheels]

We have two. Want to have more but the two make us very tired.

My wife had our bazi looked up and was told we will have all boys if we want to try. Sian 1/2. I think I wont be trying anymore. 😂

Have friends who have more than two, have friends who have zero, have seen neighbour(grow up together) have one at 50yo (at first dont plan to have one), have seen another neighbour trying hard for a boy (4 girls total). Have a close friend have been trying for a second for 8 years then finally get one. If you ask me anything is possible out there.

My younger bro also have two. Both girls. In our mind, the force is balanced in our family. We also dont want to have "accident" or un-plan baby. Actually we have seen quite a few couples who have teenage children then the 3rd one is at infant stage. Got one of my wife's friend even more funny. He was the only son but after he got enlisted and after 9 months his mom gave birth to a baby. He was shocked, of course. I LoL after hearing his story.

Sometimes you wont know what life will throw at you. Balancing work life and family is easier said than done. If you have to ask what's stopping couples to having more children, the answer is quite obvious.

[kobayashiGT]

10 hours ago, Tianmo said:

@kobayashiGT, how many kids you have in mind ah? 

No kids at the moment. haha. If I strike the angbao toto draw, It can be in plural. hahah. 

[Lala81]

I don't recommend only having one kid unless it's really bo pian.

I have some friends who grew up as single kids. Some are very well socialised cos they are forced to do so from a young stage.
But some of them, they even from young, have a "take it or leave it" attitude in their social lives, even if they are well adjusted. Not the easiest people to be around.

Edited January 22, 2020 by Lala81

[Nutty]

9 hours ago, Lala81 said:

Daughters are more filial usually. I used to work in geriatrics for a while in hospital or related department. The seniors always say... Must have a daughter... 

I think the statistic is that in Singapore, you are less likely to end up in a nursing home if u have just a single daughter. And i can't remember the number but its a very large difference. 

True and False.

I have a lady unmarried colleague who takes good care of her mother. But her married sister basically "disowned" her mother.

I have only one daughter. So fingers crossed that we raised her well. We don't expect her to support us financially though. We have sufficient health and life insurance to tide us through old age.

[BabyBlade]

9 hours ago, SiLangKia said:

I don't want kids I can't even take care of myself 😨

 

Ppl say a strong marriage is the foundation to a healthy environment for kids to grow up well and I'm a heartbreaker so cnt la

 

With that out of the way, life is fine, I console myself by spending most of my money on my car so I convince myself that I'm too broke to have a gf and no one would want me HAHAAHHA

That's about right though. Now is the time to spend whatever you want on your car or anything that you want. With a gf, there goes your freedom. Freedom to spend, freedom to hang out, freedom to solo travel. With a gf, it's no longer about yourself but the two of you. Unless you're not in it for the long run of course. With a family, there goes "financial freedom". When I say financial freedom I mean the freedom to spend on yourself. Hahaha. Everything that you earn will go back to the family expenses, your kid, your house. Traveling will no longer be about pack and go. It will involve "meticulous planning", an extra luggage or two just for the baby's clothes. Finding a baby friendly country to go to. Strollers, baby seat.. No more renting the car you want but the car you need (MPV yadayada).

Oh dear! Not something I can see myself getting into. Hahaha.

[Sturtles]

Was never into kids,

But have got 3 now, and it was due to wifey’s support.

Thanks to her for sacrificing her sleep and personal time.

Having the first one was a life changer. The joy bought to not just my wife and I, but also to the extended family.

It brought a sense of purpose into my life... answering the age old Q why we are enduring the ups and downs of life, etc.

After all, material things like cars and houses are nice to have, but it gets old quickly.

The kinship from one of your own is irreplaceable, especially if we put effort into giving them the right values and build their character.

I see some bratty, fun loving friends from my student days, now putting their parents in near no.1 position and it is touching

[Wind30]

3 minutes ago, BabyBlade said:

That's about right though. Now is the time to spend whatever you want on your car or anything that you want. With a gf, there goes your freedom. Freedom to spend, freedom to hang out, freedom to solo travel. With a gf, it's no longer about yourself but the two of you. Unless you're not in it for the long run of course. With a family, there goes "financial freedom". When I say financial freedom I mean the freedom to spend on yourself. Hahaha. Everything that you earn will go back to the family expenses, your kid, your house. Traveling will no longer be about pack and go. It will involve "meticulous planning", an extra luggage or two just for the baby's clothes. Finding a baby friendly country to go to. Strollers, baby seat.. No more renting the car you want but the car you need (MPV yadayada).

Oh dear! Not something I can see myself getting into. Hahaha.

but the funny thing is if you ask almost anyone if it is worth it...

The point is you can't know the plus side until you have your own kid... its like a leap of faith but with overwhelming evidence that it will be worth it. 

I just hope all the singles/DINKs take that leap of faith.

[Solar]

No right or won't answer to this. Some don't want initially when young but later stage want also cannot, like my neighbour. They used to be overly friendly to our kids when they were toddlers toll we got a bit uncomfortable 😅

For myself, first kid at early 30ish, stopped at 2 cos of possible financial constraints. At least a companion for the other kid, which actually works.

Good moral education and cultivation is important, else we will have that kind of highly educated youngster but a scum.

I also believe in toughen up the kids a bit, not indulge with everything even though I can well afford it. They walk, take bus and MRT on their own since primary school, no chauffeur unless their laopeh me also wanted to go for a spin 😂 

Eat chai png cos my wife unable to cook, and seldom fancy restaurants... and no handphone and games. Btw, I have the rod at home too.. love eau education has a limit 😂

As for having kids too young.. I have an ex colleague. Had her first at 18. Now even before hitting her big 50, she's a grandma with a one year old.

See her Facebook posts about going hiking traveling and party. That's also a lifestyle.

A very closely knit family of 5 before the additions.

Of course, there're problem cases as well.. it's all up to the individual and maturity to make the decision and stand by it, without regrets.

 

[kobayashiGT]

15 minutes ago, Nutty said:

True and False.

I have a lady unmarried colleague who takes good care of her mother. But her married sister basically "disowned" her mother.

I have only one daughter. So fingers crossed that we raised her well. We don't expect her to support us financially though. We have sufficient health and life insurance to tide us through old age.

Aiyah. Don't think too much. Hahaha. Your CPF Special Account put more money can le. hahahha.

[Lala81]

16 minutes ago, BabyBlade said:

That's about right though. Now is the time to spend whatever you want on your car or anything that you want. With a gf, there goes your freedom. Freedom to spend, freedom to hang out, freedom to solo travel. With a gf, it's no longer about yourself but the two of you. Unless you're not in it for the long run of course. With a family, there goes "financial freedom". When I say financial freedom I mean the freedom to spend on yourself. Hahaha. Everything that you earn will go back to the family expenses, your kid, your house. Traveling will no longer be about pack and go. It will involve "meticulous planning", an extra luggage or two just for the baby's clothes. Finding a baby friendly country to go to. Strollers, baby seat.. No more renting the car you want but the car you need (MPV yadayada).

Oh dear! Not something I can see myself getting into. Hahaha.

With great responsibility, comes personal development.

It's ok to be single, cos many singles also hold responsibility in workplace, taking care of their parents in their elder years.

20s, u can do whatever u want lah. But correspondingly, no one really wants a Peter Pan (Man-child) in their life when they are in their 30s or later. Hard truth.

 

[BabyBlade]

14 minutes ago, Wind30 said:

but the funny thing is if you ask almost anyone if it is worth it...

The point is you can't know the plus side until you have your own kid... its like a leap of faith but with overwhelming evidence that it will be worth it. 

I just hope all the singles/DINKs take that leap of faith.

Yes. Deep down inside I feel like a kid completes the family. I don't like kids. But I love seeing pictures of my friends with their kids on Social Media. I love it when they talk about their kids. Their horrible 2s the good and the bad. 

I also feel perhaps in my 40s I may regret not having a kid and by then it'd be too late. But I think it's the commitment issues. Maybe just a phase in my life where I don't see it happening. For now.

[Jman888]

The fun (or not so fun) part of raising a kid is you duno what he/she will turn out to be in future. Unless you want to control every step they make, the most you can do is to influence them but they make all the choices that could be bad or worse.

always up and down as a parent, hence i advocate letting go (emotionally) when they turn 18.

 

 

[Lala81]

32 minutes ago, Sturtles said:

Was never into kids,

But have got 3 now, and it was due to wifey’s support.

Thanks to her for sacrificing her sleep and personal time.

Having the first one was a life changer. The joy bought to not just my wife and I, but also to the extended family.

It brought a sense of purpose into my life... answering the age old Q why we are enduring the ups and downs of life, etc.

After all, material things like cars and houses are nice to have, but it gets old quickly.

The kinship from one of your own is irreplaceable, especially if we put effort into giving them the right values and build their character.

I see some bratty, fun loving friends from my student days, now putting their parents in near no.1 position and it is touching

Yes. It does put a different perspective on your parents' nagging which get annoying even though we are grown adults.

Cos the love exchange between a parent and child is never equal. It's always overwhelming from the parents' side. From a quantitative perspective, I can never love my parents as much as they love me.
You can only pay it forward down the next generation.

[Lala81]

1 minute ago, Jman888 said:

The fun (or not so fun) part of raising a kid is you duno what he/she will turn out to be in future. Unless you want to control every step they make, the most you can do is to influence them but they make all the choices that could be bad or worse.

always up and down as a parent, hence i advocate letting go (emotionally) when they turn 18.

 

 

different lessons for different stages. For both parents and child.

[Atrecord]

2 hours ago, Mkl22 said:

Ya, the grounding of parents is one big issue. I had to ferry them back and forth between the 2 set of grandparents(balance the load) prior to my kids turning 18mths before we had them in childcare. 
really appreciate them for doing it. 
the only 2 other alternative would be for the mother to stop working or infant care which still quite many out there are not so comfortable with. Not to mention that both these 2 alternative options is rather taxing on the family income. 

Yes, that - having extended family or grandparents support - is actually related to the other sensitive issue of privacy and freedom.

Every newly-wed couple would want to live far far away from the parents/in-laws, so that they can 过二人世界，have all the freedom in the world, without worrying about the parents/in-laws getting in the way or telling them this cannot, that cannot.

Then when the kid comes along, will start to feel that wah, parents/in-laws stay so far, very tough to go to/fro, and we're talking about twice a day! How to tahan - especially for those who dun drive...

So at some point, the reality might kick in and start to wonder whether is it better to stay near to, or even with the parents/in-laws so that the travelling part is removed. This will of course compromise privacy/freedom for convenience.

And even if willing to compromise, don't forget the sensitive question of whether can live together or not, and got enough space (both literal and figurative) for everyone or not?

There are so many cases of the wife (or husband too, as is well known in MCF 😆) cannot get along with the mother-in-law, so this is the most crucial.

In our case, i'm blessed that my wife has no issue getting along with my parents, and when it came to the time when we wanted to look for a bigger place, she was the one who suggested maybe can check with my folks whether they'll be willing to move in with us. Glad it worked out.

There will be a bit of compromises here and there, when living together, but the pros far outweigh the cons. And we really appreciate it.

[Atrecord]

10 hours ago, Lala81 said:

My friend is one of 3 boys. 

His brother has 3 boys. He has two boys. I would really be a betting man if I bet for a girl if he decides for a 3rd... Ha

A classmate - who's a dentist - had 3 girls. But her in-laws were hoping for a grandson, and the couple tried. Just nice, 4th one was a boy, and they duly tried again and got a second boy!

We were all impressed.

[kobayashiGT]

5 minutes ago, Atrecord said:

A classmate - who's a dentist - had 3 girls. But her in-laws were hoping for a grandson, and the couple tried. Just nice, 4th one was a boy, and they duly tried again and got a second boy!

We were all impressed.

If we have alot of such scenarios then our gahmen have to rethink our housing plan le.

The current 5-room is too small for 7 ppl inside lah! 😂