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parents do u still insist on kids having a wedding banquet when they get married?

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3rd Gear

https://mothership.sg/2020/10/sg-marriage-no-wedding/

Getting married without a wedding banquet

Parents, do you still insist that your kids have a wedding banquet when they get married?

At least mine did when I got married. My mum invited her friends, my tuition teacher when I was young (goodness) and many others whom I do not know.

Youngsters prefer to keep it simple and save the money for travel nowadays.

As parents we did not insist on a wedding banquet (for my daughter) as we do not want our kids to be in debt. But MY parents were not too happy about our decision.

For those with daughters, would you insist for at least a simple banquet? Sometimes its not for the face but we want our daughters to "marry off well".

But we have to agree that living expenses are rising and young people thesedays have a mind of their own.

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Moderator

for this 2 to 3 years, covid is a good excuse not to have one [laugh]

 

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Supersonic
11 minutes ago, Jman888 said:

for this 2 to 3 years, covid is a good excuse not to have one [laugh]

I am going to attend niece wedding next month 

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Turbocharged

I didn't have one and I am ok if my children do not want to have one. It's their choice. 

I had a terrible time with my parents and relatives when I decided not to have a wedding lunch/dinner. Worse cos i am the only child and the eldest grandson. But I stood my ground and I was prepared for tings to turn really ugly which fortunately didn't happen. 

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Supersonic

It is a must to me, for my children, that a proper wedding ceremony and reception be arranged.

But the grandeur is for them to manage and decide.

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Supersonic
14 minutes ago, Silver_blade said:

I didn't have one and I am ok if my children do not want to have one. It's their choice. 

I had a terrible time with my parents and relatives when I decided not to have a wedding lunch/dinner. Worse cos i am the only child and the eldest grandson. But I stood my ground and I was prepared for tings to turn really ugly which fortunately didn't happen. 

You failed to understand that the wedding is not yours alone.    Feel sorry for your family.  

Thats my opinion but what you did is your decision and right.  Not my taichi.

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6th Gear

my kids all boys, so long as not gay i happy already.  but gay also literally lan lan lah

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Supersonic
16 minutes ago, Throttle2 said:

You failed to understand that the wedding is not yours alone.    Feel sorry for your family.  

Thats my opinion but what you did is your decision and right.  Not my taichi.

I am of the firm belief that, upon reaching adulthood, we all have the right to decide the important things in our own lives. 

Too much grief has been caused, and continues to be caused, by foisting our expectations on others. It doesn't just end with parents doing it to their children, but often the wider community and society in general, too. Everyone wants a say in what you study, what you do for work, whom you marry, when you procreate, etc. etc. Quite ridiculous. 

Your child's life is his/her's alone. What you do for them should be viewed as a loving service, not a debt to be repaid. After that, they must have the freedom to live their own lives on their own terms. 

Again, this is my opinion, but since this is about trying to control the actions of adults, I wouldn't say it's only the parent's "taiji". It's sad when family makes family feel bad for their decisions.

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Supersonic

No i won't insist. Don't make thing difficult for  them if they don't want. I already make(sternly) them study hard for Primary and secondary level liao. I think thats enough of influence I have on them. 

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4th Gear

Well, I only remember that during my time, gate crashing ceremony had just started getting popular due to it being invented by some silly HK Canto drama back in the late 90's / early 00's.

It's just a silly game that isn't even based upon any tradition or ritual.

Nowdays when I attend weddings and see how outrageous and demeaning the gatecrashing games have become, and shown in all its HD glory to the wedding guests, a little part of me dies inside.

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Turbocharged (edited)

Wedding banquets is a traditional custom...every race have one.  

So my take is that  the kid should not do away with it, but they can minimise it like having a few tables just for family and close friends.  They can  also do a luncheon for example. If they cannot even afford a family scale dinner/luncheon, then you should be really worried who your kid is marrying to. A decent man will not want his marriage to disrespect his in-laws  and a decent woman will not want herself to get married off loosely.

Also,  if they can do away with the wedding banquet, will they also do away with the  Chinese new year gathering  in the future since customs are not part of their values?  This is something to consider.

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Supercharged

I would want to have a wedding dinner as I like photos and memories but I won't insist. I will tell them my preference I guess.

If my children are getting married, I think they are old enough to decide what to do with their lives. My job brining them up is over already...

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Supersonic

I won't feel any happier if I get to have a wedding ceremony for my children. Definitely won't feel unhappy if I don't have it either. 

I'd only feel happy if they have truly found their own love of their life...simi sai ceremonial shix is not my pasa...

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Twincharged

I will tell my son can forego the wedding banquet but the traditional tea session must preserve.

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6th Gear

for me they can do what they want so long as I don’t have to pay for it

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Supersonic
8 hours ago, Chongster said:

my kids all boys, so long as not gay i happy already.  but gay also literally lan lan lah

Girls can also be gay la, not only boys hor. Lol.

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Supersonic
1 hour ago, mersaylee said:

I won't feel any happier if I get to have a wedding ceremony for my children. Definitely won't feel unhappy if I don't have it either. 

I'd only feel happy if they have truly found their own love of their life...simi sai ceremonial shix is not my pasa...

Agreed, as long as the kids are happy and found their true love, got wedding banquet or not doesnt matter.

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Hypersonic

I love to weddings when I get to eat for free :grin:

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