parents do u still insist on kids having a wedding banquet when they get married?

[Watwheels]

Unless the kids have no friends and we have no relatives. Sure, why not?😂 Anyway should discuss with both sides of the parents. Cos they raise you two so should show some respect.

I will tell them to set a budget that is comfortable for them. Dont have to be a big celebration. We parents will support them if they are cash strap. 

I believe a lot of ppl dont want it is because of money issue. I mean you dont have to overspend or out to make a quick buck. Sometimes it's not just about the two of you. Important to talk to your parents and hear what they say.

A lot of the things you wont understand until the day your kids grow up. When we were younger and about to get married we also dont want to go thru a lot of the stuff. Then I realised it's not just about us. A lot of times is the kids dont want to talk to the parents. I understand cos a lot of ppl dont like the wedding banquet thing. Give and take.

Edited October 23, 2020 by Watwheels

[Jman888]

9 minutes ago, Mustank said:

I love to weddings when I get to eat for free

dun do that, i heard many sneak in to eat for free and even tabao and get caught.

[Throttle2]

9 hours ago, Turboflat4 said:

I am of the firm belief that, upon reaching adulthood, we all have the right to decide the important things in our own lives. 

Too much grief has been caused, and continues to be caused, by foisting our expectations on others. It doesn't just end with parents doing it to their children, but often the wider community and society in general, too. Everyone wants a say in what you study, what you do for work, whom you marry, when you procreate, etc. etc. Quite ridiculous. 

Your child's life is his/her's alone. What you do for them should be viewed as a loving service, not a debt to be repaid. After that, they must have the freedom to live their own lives on their own terms. 

Again, this is my opinion, but since this is about trying to control the actions of adults, I wouldn't say it's only the parent's "taiji". It's sad when family makes family feel bad for their decisions.

For me its not a question of adulthood ir not....  they have their right to make whatever decision, most certainly of course.   
its just like getting a tattoo for example or becoming a rapist or becoming a drug addict, its all their choice as an adult or to commit suicide even. 

But their choice to make decision does not mean it will have no impact on their loved ones.  

my take is simply that children have some consideration for their parents when making such decisions and understand that a family revolves around each members lives.   Thereafter make their best decision, thats all.   

No need to be upset or unhappy, not my style.   

by the way you have kids?
 

 

[DylanChen]

9 hours ago, Silver_blade said:

I didn't have one and I am ok if my children do not want to have one. It's their choice. 

I had a terrible time with my parents and relatives when I decided not to have a wedding lunch/dinner. Worse cos i am the only child and the eldest grandson. But I stood my ground and I was prepared for tings to turn really ugly which fortunately didn't happen. 

if u r chinese,

eldest grandson = youngest son lah. 

very important role leh. grandparent pass away, the white lantern , not hold by any son but the eldest grandson.

so u hurt ur parent n grandparent alot.

i dont like wedding dinner also but for their sake, i had a wedding of 40 tables.

20 tables for in laws

15 for my relatives

5 for friends

i just choose the cheapest restaurant, n get it done haha.

 

 

[13177]

21 minutes ago, Mustank said:

I love to weddings when I get to eat for free

Eat for free? You not give angpow meh? 

[Kklee]

IMHO.
Parents can insist,  the outcome may change,  just need to remember  you reap what you sow. 

[13177]

17 minutes ago, Watwheels said:

Unless the kids have no friends and we have no relatives. Sure, why not?😂 Anyway should discuss with both sides of the parents. Cos they raise you two so should show some respect.

I will tell them to set a budget that is comfortable for them. Dont have to be a big celebration. We parents will support them if they are cash strap. 

I believe a lot of ppl dont want it is because of money issue. I mean you dont have to overspend or out to make a quick buck. Sometimes it's not just about the two of you. Important to talk to your parents and hear what they say.

A lot of the things you wont understand until the day your kids grow up. When we were younger and about to get married we also dont want to go thru a lot of the stuff. Then I realised it's not just about us. A lot of times is the kids dont want to talk to the parents. I understand cos a lot of ppl dont like the wedding banquet thing. Give and take.

This generation kids dont know where they get the money from, all have their wedding banquet at those atas hotel de. No more at budget hotel or restaurant liao.  

[1fast1]

3 minutes ago, Throttle2 said:

For me its not a question of adulthood ir not....  they have their right to make whatever decision, most certainly of course.   
its just like getting a tattoo for example or becoming a rapist or becoming a drug addict, its all their choice as an adult or to commit suicide even. 

But their choice to make decision does not mean it will have no impact on their loved ones.  

my take is simply that children have some consideration for their parents when making such decisions and understand that a family revolves around each members lives.   Thereafter make their best decision, thats all.   

No need to be upset or unhappy, not my style.   

by the way you have kids?
 

 

You cannot compare them engaging in criminal and antisocial acts with simply making their own constructive decision on how to lead their lives. 

Drugs, rape are obviously bad things. 

I put it to you that parents and other family forcing their beliefs on their kids is also a bad thing. Not as overtly evil, but definitely bad. Because it makes adult children second guess their own decisions. 

Besides, the decision to forgo a ceremonial occasion is made by the two consenting adults that matter most (husband and wife to be) based, at least in large part, on financial prudence. Aren't you always talking about the importance of financial prudence and living within one's means? Why are you second guessing people walking the talk? 

My own family tree is not the subject here.

[Throttle2]

8 hours ago, Ender said:

No i won't insist. Don't make thing difficult for  them if they don't want. I already make(sternly) them study hard for Primary and secondary level liao. I think thats enough of influence I have on them. 

Neither will i insist,  only just hope to celebrate the event.  Doesnt matter how grand or lavish.  Thats all.  
when i had my wedding , it wasnt a big one. 160 pax total and i knew everyone i invited. It was nothing grand but a was a decent ceremony to share with everyone.

and yes my parents left it to me 100% and i considered well.  Everyone was pretty happy and so were we , bride and groom

[Kklee]

3 minutes ago, 13177 said:

Eat for free? You not give angpow meh? 

Eh... this ang bao thing,  have just too many variations.  

e.g. 
small ang bao - bring whole family including helper
empty ang bao - bring whole family
big ang bao - bring additional guest

Note - no right or wrong. 

Sometimes one has to wonder,  what are the reasons why youngsters may not want wedding dinner. 
E.g.   
maybe the youngsters are up in hierarchy of the organization but have really really rowdy relatives who based on their experience will get drunk and cause trouble ?
maybe during previous ang bao counting exercise of someone else experience, the "loss" is too unmanageable ?

So, if one person eats free and don't cause issues, just let it slide....... 😀

 

 

[Kklee]

17 minutes ago, DylanChen said:

if u r chinese,

eldest grandson = youngest son lah. 

very important role leh. grandparent pass away, the white lantern , not hold by any son but the eldest grandson.

so u hurt ur parent n grandparent alot.

 

IMHO.   I am certain this type of situation,  sure got disputes...  😀. 

[Jellandross]

"Traditional chinese practices" are unfortunately sometimes an excuse for old folks to feel shiok in front of big audience and force their ways upon the next generation, all in the name of "tradition". Half the guests are often obliged to attend rather then genuine celebration which turns it into a very superficial event. 

I guess for me, the fundamental question is whether my kid is more happy having a wedding banquet or not having one?

[Kklee]

1 minute ago, Jellandross said:

"Traditional chinese practices" are unfortunately sometimes an excuse for old folks to feel shiok in front of big audience and force their ways upon the next generation, all in the name of "tradition". Half the guests are often obliged to attend rather then genuine celebration which turns it into a very superficial event. 

I guess for me, the fundamental question is whether my kid is more happy having a wedding banquet or not having one?

IMHO.
In short,  FACE -  couple, parents, relatives, etc. 

[Throttle2]

2 minutes ago, Turboflat4 said:

You cannot compare them engaging in criminal and antisocial acts with simply making their own constructive decision on how to lead their lives. 

Drugs, rape are obviously bad things. 

I put it to you that parents and other family forcing their beliefs on their kids is also a bad thing. Not as overtly evil, but definitely bad. Because it makes adult children second guess their own decisions. 

Besides, the decision to forgo a ceremonial occasion is made by the two consenting adults that matter most (husband and wife to be) based, at least in large part, on financial prudence. Aren't you always talking about the importance of financial prudence and living within one's means? Why are you second guessing people walking the talk? 

My own family tree is not the subject here.

 

I agree with your points on the “forcing” 

Am just highlighting that we do not simply live for ourselves.  Therefore use some extreme examples.

If we have a wife, we are responsible for her. If we have children we are responsible for our children if we are children, we are responsible for our parents.   If someone has never had a child and taken the child from baby to adult, he can never ever say “i know, i understand” becos until you have your arm ripped off your body, you will never know how that feels. 

understanding your family situation gives me an insight of your value system as our values are generally built on that, so i wanted to understand.   That’s all.  It sure isnt the subject here and I didnt think you would be offended  just by me asking?

that i second guess people walking the talk ?   Nah......it isnt about how grand it is and as long as the couple has considered their parents it doesnt matter what the actual decision is.   Its kinda like buying a gift , its the heart not the price. 

Parents who insist and make it difficult for the couple, should think again

 

[Mustank]

27 minutes ago, 13177 said:

Eat for free? You not give angpow meh? 

[Voodooman]

I had a big wedding banquet dinner whereby more than half the guests are strangers to me. Didn't enjoy it but i did it nevertheless for my dad, albeit reluctantly.  No regret coz that was important for his generation. 

My kids? I won't insist on it although a small wedding reception would be nice (for close friends and families). These days, in our pursuit of happiness, we are losing many traditions but society is evolving so got to move with the times.

The angmos have their church wedding and we have our banquet dinner, now we have nothing, just happiness. 😂

 

Edited October 23, 2020 by Voodooman

[Lala81]

53 minutes ago, Mustank said:

I love to weddings when I get to eat for free

wah free rider?

[Kklee]

1 minute ago, Throttle2 said:

If someone has never had a child and taken the child from baby to adult, he can never ever say “i know, i understand” becos until you have your arm ripped off your body, you will never know how that feels. 

Eh.... perhaps that is why i never become a teacher last time,  if I am in a discussion with parents,  they ask me,  "do you have kids to understand how we feel ?".   Game over.