Should we expect estates from our parents?

[Ct3833]

 Real or not I don't know  but  we have  seen enough of this kind of fight among sibling. I personally think we should not expect anything from our parents even if they have anything left after they have moved on. And that remind us on how we should treat our asset allocation fairly before we move on, like it or not we will have some money, plus our house for our next generation to fight on if we do not allocate them fairly before we say bye bye to the world.

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/im-getting-the-short-end-of-the-stick-with-each-new-grandchild-my-parents-want-to-split-their-estate-with-their-grandkids-11631804438

[Dp26]

Fair and equal not the same 

 

 

[Jamesc]

She don't love her nieces and nephews?

[Jamesc]

She needs to learn from this lady

 

 

[Mkl22]

41 minutes ago, Ct3833 said:

 Real or not I don't know  but  we have  seen enough of this kind of fight among sibling. I personally think we should not expect anything from our parents even if they have anything left after they have moved on. And that remind us on how we should treat our asset allocation fairly before we move on, like it or not we will have some money, plus our house for our next generation to fight on if we do not allocate them fairly before we say bye bye to the world.

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/im-getting-the-short-end-of-the-stick-with-each-new-grandchild-my-parents-want-to-split-their-estate-with-their-grandkids-11631804438

Spend it all. Then nothing left to fight. Anyway kids should not expect anything. Why should they. You made the money thru your own hard work. They are not entitled to it. 
anyway in this case the money is her parents. They can easily donate it all and not leave a cent. 

Edited September 18, 2021 by Mkl22

[Mustank]

We are the sandwiched gen

 

[Macrosszero]

My dad contributed his sperm, my mum did the test. When I was born I was complete as a homo sapien, with a brain, two hands and two feet to make my way through life with their guidance and facilitation. 

They don’t owe me any more than that.

Plenty of children had parents that played less of a role, some inadvertently, e.g. birth defects and other social issues.

Whatever they happen to own is theirs and I have to make my own life for myself. If anything comes to me, it’s a benefit not an entitlement.

[Dp26]

A lot of logical talk around. But most of the time it’s the emotional baggage that can trigger the “bomb”. 
 

sometimes it’s not that I want, but I don’t want you to have! 
 

why he gets more when I’m the one looking after the parents all these years??!!

 

im the one that pays all the bills and take care of my parents all these years but ….. 

 

many reasons why and not all we can comprehend when it’s more emotional than logical sometimes. 

[PSP415]

Money is her parents. What they want to do with it is their rights and business. What short or long end?

Whatever is gifted is a bonus. Not an entitlement. Greed comes in many disguises same as ungratefulness. What's yours is mine and what's mine is definitely mine. 😂

Stay safe all 

Cheers 

 

[Ct3833]

1 hour ago, Mkl22 said:

Spend it all. Then nothing left to fight. Anyway kids should not expect anything. Why should they. You made the money thru your own hard work. They are not entitled to it. 
anyway in this case the money is her parents. They can easily donate it all and not leave a cent. 

 It is easier said then done , but as no one knows when would his last breath, some how or rather, one will have some spare money left before he goes, it i sjust matter of ho big the sum is. If this is not handled properly, then the house and the balance could be a problem. 

[Voodooman]

I can understand why she felt like a lesser child but if you tell yourself it is not your money, it gets easier.

But I will probably leave my estate, if any, maybe I will spend it all, equally among my kids to avoid creating unnecessary discord.

Actually i may want to leave something for grand kids as well, a gift from me to them but it is going to be a token. 

 

 

Edited September 18, 2021 by Voodooman

[Heartlander]

This issue i could relate very well.  In the early 80s, my grandfather left most of his riches with his eldest son and peanuts for his 3 other younger sons and a few daughters. And yet the son who was responsible to look after my grandmother after my grandfather passed away was my dad. So you can imagine how well she was treated by my father during the years before she passed away. I happened to stay in same room with her, and can still remember vaguely she crying in sorrow even after so many years. Another side effect is that i do not get to visit any of my father's siblings during festive seasons so even now i have no idea who is who when we attend funerals of relatives. 

So i grew up not expecting inheritance from my parents as i could see the potential trouble. Even when my late mum eventually left her flat solely to my youngest brother who had been looking after her, i bear no grudges against her as i do not think i need to lust after all these, being happy with what i have. Recently my PIL hit jackpot with another enbloc sale, earning about 1.6mil and telling us to be patient that they have willed their money to us. I am thinking what a bad idea to put it to us. If i lust after the money, am i not wishing them to be dead soon so that i can lay hand on the money? Else if not, what do i have to be happy about? I cannot deny the material things that can be bought but i always remind myself not to lust after riches not belong to me. Still working out so far.

 

[Jellandross]

No wonder there's a saying 富不过三代 wealth can't sustain past three generations. The fact that fully grown adults feel they cannot succeed in life without handouts from daddy and mommy exactly proves this point. Sad truth in life.

[Mahjong74]

@Heartlander 

Just to share mine and I am very fortunate to be born in a very traditional Chinese family. Grandparents and parents always teach and remind not to lust after riches not belong to us. Thus no fight, no conflicts, no bomb or emotional baggage within family and relatives for $$$ related issues. 

In 2002, my grandfather passed away and left behind a fortune solely to eldest daughter, among 3 sons and 3 daughters since my eldest aunt took care of him mostly. My eldest after deducting the medical bills, distributed the fortune equally to all sons, daughters and grandchildren. 

In 2009, my dad passed away and left behind small fortune. Although I am the main person who spent the most on him. With my mum permission, I distribute the fortune in equal share for my mum, myself, my younger brother and sister. 

In 2020, my grandmother passed away and also left behind a fortune with tons of gold jewellery, gold chain and gold bar. Again, all these is left solely to my eldest Aunt since she is staying with and taking care of my grandma. My Auntie again after deducting the medical bills, distributed all the fortune and golds to her siblings and grandchildren. As for myself, I pass all the gold to my mum since I don't need it. 

Whole family also know that my mum pass me all her savings (few hundred Ks) for investment purpose and trust that I will distribute in equal share to all siblings in equal share in the future. Like what I did with my dad fortune. 

 

 

[Beanoyip]

Split equally, so no arguments. Who take care of who more not important here.. 

[Wind30]

16 minutes ago, Beanoyip said:

Split equally, so no arguments. Who take care of who more not important here.. 

? I think who take care is more impt. 

[Wind30]

6 hours ago, Mahjong74 said:

@Heartlander 

Just to share mine and I am very fortunate to be born in a very traditional Chinese family. Grandparents and parents always teach and remind not to lust after riches not belong to us. Thus no fight, no conflicts, no bomb or emotional baggage within family and relatives for $$$ related issues. 

In 2002, my grandfather passed away and left behind a fortune solely to eldest daughter, among 3 sons and 3 daughters since my eldest aunt took care of him mostly. My eldest after deducting the medical bills, distributed the fortune equally to all sons, daughters and grandchildren. 

In 2009, my dad passed away and left behind small fortune. Although I am the main person who spent the most on him. With my mum permission, I distribute the fortune in equal share for my mum, myself, my younger brother and sister. 

In 2020, my grandmother passed away and also left behind a fortune with tons of gold jewellery, gold chain and gold bar. Again, all these is left solely to my eldest Aunt since she is staying with and taking care of my grandma. My Auntie again after deducting the medical bills, distributed all the fortune and golds to her siblings and grandchildren. As for myself, I pass all the gold to my mum since I don't need it. 

Whole family also know that my mum pass me all her savings (few hundred Ks) for investment purpose and trust that I will distribute in equal share to all siblings in equal share in the future. Like what I did with my dad fortune. 

 

 

Wow, I really think this is the best outcome. Kudos to your family members.

[Voodooman]

6 hours ago, Mahjong74 said:

@Heartlander 

Just to share mine and I am very fortunate to be born in a very traditional Chinese family. Grandparents and parents always teach and remind not to lust after riches not belong to us. Thus no fight, no conflicts, no bomb or emotional baggage within family and relatives for $$$ related issues. 

In 2002, my grandfather passed away and left behind a fortune solely to eldest daughter, among 3 sons and 3 daughters since my eldest aunt took care of him mostly. My eldest after deducting the medical bills, distributed the fortune equally to all sons, daughters and grandchildren. 

In 2009, my dad passed away and left behind small fortune. Although I am the main person who spent the most on him. With my mum permission, I distribute the fortune in equal share for my mum, myself, my younger brother and sister. 

In 2020, my grandmother passed away and also left behind a fortune with tons of gold jewellery, gold chain and gold bar. Again, all these is left solely to my eldest Aunt since she is staying with and taking care of my grandma. My Auntie again after deducting the medical bills, distributed all the fortune and golds to her siblings and grandchildren. As for myself, I pass all the gold to my mum since I don't need it. 

Whole family also know that my mum pass me all her savings (few hundred Ks) for investment purpose and trust that I will distribute in equal share to all siblings in equal share in the future. Like what I did with my dad fortune. 

Thanks for sharing. This is brilliant and very good values to pass on.  Unequal yet equal.