Should we expect estates from our parents?

[Mkl22]

1 hour ago, Beanoyip said:

Split equally, so no arguments. Who take care of who more not important here.. 

That’s easy to say until you are the one doing it for the last 10years of their lives. Especially more so for dementia or bedridden parents. It’s a huge toll. 
i witness my parents taking care of my paternal grandma when she was living with us for many many years and for the last 10years when she was bedridden and had dementia. Although there was help from the helper as well. And the aunt who had migrated to Australia just dropped by for yearly visits. 
And could see that when my grandma was healthy she clearly favored my aunt. 
 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Mkl22

[Mkl22]

7 hours ago, Mahjong74 said:

@Heartlander 

Just to share mine and I am very fortunate to be born in a very traditional Chinese family. Grandparents and parents always teach and remind not to lust after riches not belong to us. Thus no fight, no conflicts, no bomb or emotional baggage within family and relatives for $$$ related issues. 

In 2002, my grandfather passed away and left behind a fortune solely to eldest daughter, among 3 sons and 3 daughters since my eldest aunt took care of him mostly. My eldest after deducting the medical bills, distributed the fortune equally to all sons, daughters and grandchildren. 

In 2009, my dad passed away and left behind small fortune. Although I am the main person who spent the most on him. With my mum permission, I distribute the fortune in equal share for my mum, myself, my younger brother and sister. 

In 2020, my grandmother passed away and also left behind a fortune with tons of gold jewellery, gold chain and gold bar. Again, all these is left solely to my eldest Aunt since she is staying with and taking care of my grandma. My Auntie again after deducting the medical bills, distributed all the fortune and golds to her siblings and grandchildren. As for myself, I pass all the gold to my mum since I don't need it. 

Whole family also know that my mum pass me all her savings (few hundred Ks) for investment purpose and trust that I will distribute in equal share to all siblings in equal share in the future. Like what I did with my dad fortune. 

 

 

My maternal grandfather passed away quite some years back. Didn’t expect him to have super traditional beliefs, as the was one of those rare grandads who could speak English well for the time. My mum only got a Small percentage. The sons got more. As well as those grandchildren who are the Tans, with the eldest grandson getting more. The rest of the grandchildren got nothing. 
was initially a tad bitter. But in the end, it was his money and will. 
my dad was the executor of his mother’s estate and my dad distributed the estate equally among all his siblings and also equally among the grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Mkl22

[Atachi]

12 hours ago, Jamesc said:

She needs to learn from this lady

 

 

No wonder this Jie not married. If every time I want to buy something kena lecture, imagine dating her. 
 

Jokes aside. How the rich get richer? Lao Peh & Lao Bu throw money to support their kids, good sch overseas, instead of BTO get private, money to start business etc. But if it’s those useless fu er dai, ask to buy spork cars, play around and does nothing in life. Parent should just keep nothing for kids.

 

https://cnaluxury.channelnewsasia.com/people/second-hand-watch-dealership-singapore-189711

From the article.

“Our parents invested about S$1.5 million in our business, and we’re very lucky to have their trust,” Jarod added. “If I had taken the money to buy a nice car, my dad would have flipped.”

 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Atachi

[Lala81]

haha my parents and in laws are just normal heartlanders. 
Nothing much to speak of. And they are all still healthy with hopefully another 10-20+ years more to go. 

If it is a relatively quick demise without many years of hardship, then it's most equitable for equal shares.
If it is many years of long downhill care by one sibling, there should be a ratio. Like say 3% more for every year of severe disability, to a cap of maybe up to 70%.
Actually while typing this,  i think this is a good idea, I may implement this in the future. Though the easiest is just to split equally.

This favoritism to one child is damn damaging to the family dynamics. I can understand if one child is say in poor health/is of poor earning power to allocate a bit more to them. But one sided favoritism is bloody stupid on the parents part. Just screwing up your own family's harmony for what?

 

 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Lala81

[Beanoyip]

37 minutes ago, Mkl22 said:

That’s easy to say until you are the one doing it for the last 10years of their lives. Especially more so for dementia or bedridden parents. It’s a huge toll. 
i witness my parents taking care of my paternal grandma when she was living with us for many many years and for the last 10years when she was bedridden and had dementia. Although there was help from the helper as well. And the aunt who had migrated to Australia just dropped by for yearly visits. 
And could see that when my grandma was healthy she clearly favored my aunt. 
 

Very true! 

[Wind30]

Lucky my parents and grandparents got no money, so no such problems.

[Alfc]

9 hours ago, Heartlander said:

This issue i could relate very well.  In the early 80s, my grandfather left most of his riches with his eldest son and peanuts for his 3 other younger sons and a few daughters. And yet the son who was responsible to look after my grandmother after my grandfather passed away was my dad. So you can imagine how well she was treated by my father during the years before she passed away. I happened to stay in same room with her, and can still remember vaguely she crying in sorrow even after so many years. Another side effect is that i do not get to visit any of my father's siblings during festive seasons so even now i have no idea who is who when we attend funerals of relatives. 

So i grew up not expecting inheritance from my parents as i could see the potential trouble. Even when my late mum eventually left her flat solely to my youngest brother who had been looking after her, i bear no grudges against her as i do not think i need to lust after all these, being happy with what i have. Recently my PIL hit jackpot with another enbloc sale, earning about 1.6mil and telling us to be patient that they have willed their money to us. I am thinking what a bad idea to put it to us. If i lust after the money, am i not wishing them to be dead soon so that i can lay hand on the money? Else if not, what do i have to be happy about? I cannot deny the material things that can be bought but i always remind myself not to lust after riches not belong to me. Still working out so far.

 

Good sharing. It becomes a bigger dilemma at times when the wealth gets bigger. And in reality, equal sharing may actually be unequal.

eg In situation where the caregiver actually actually gave up or work less to give care and attention, this result in lower income savings (includes cpf etc), then besides medical cost, how to give equitable portion? Those not having to do this actually benefitted more by getting so called equal. There are also situation where a particular member "borrow" money to buy big ticket stuff, in a way taking inheritance advance withdrawal. So end up, become contentious point of unhappiness. Some of these are not invalid, depending on which point of view is taken. End of the day, it is really hand to heart kind of judgment. But even some hand to heart judgment can be totally misguided. A bad person will not think he is bad. It really boils down to value and upbringing? 

[Krieger]

Favoritisms is very common in family. My wife's family is one of which practise it. Her parents favor her second sis despite being a shit stirrer all the time. They help pay for her maid, first car etc and nothing for my wife. Reason being they believe her sister being first class honours will do better than her back then. Sad to say its the opposite.
 

well, i always tell my wife need not be upset or be jealous as life is never fair. As long we are healthy and happy is good enough.  True enough, bad things keep happening to her sis and even implicate her kids..her own husband never want to work for almost 7 years and always pray his parents die so he can take over their shop and house..😅. 

[Krieger]

@Heartlander 

i do not know if you believe that you will be rewarded in another form or other if you do not lust after your parents or PIl money. I personally believe and indeed happen to me. 
have faith in oneself and be fillal. 
 

good for you heart lander

[Macrosszero]

The single woman at the centre of the topic doesn’t have to spend on childcare, healthcare, time, education and insurance for kids that she didn’t have. Her siblings (and children) have these expenses she didn’t have and she wants the equal share?

Stay single and childless better lah. Selfish and self-centred.

[Jamesc]

MIL don't leave any debts happy already!

No need leave me any estate car

I only drive saloons.

[Loki]

My parents are both in their 80s.  I have 2 siblings and between the 3 of us, there are 7 grandchildren.  Me and my siblings told my parents to leave everything in a trust to one niece, who is severely autistic.  All the other 6 grandkids are graduates and can take care of themselves.  And me and my siblings are all doing OK and don't need any inheritance.  

[Fitvip]

My late father passed away intestate. He left a piece of land with a house on it.

During the intestate succession process, my sisters withdrew their names so did I and my brothers since we have a roof over our heads, leaving it to the eldest, second and the youngest brothers. No one was fighting for it.

[Dp26]

Many scenarios to ponder about but I guess the most important one is to leave a will nicely and up to date. 
 

If the recipients of your will are cordial and nice, nothing will happen and one gets to be allocated whatever you deemed fair. 
 

if they are not (or emotionally not at that time), probably how fair u think also not fair enough for them. But at least not contestable. 
 

It is likely true for many of us asians that we will have some money left when we leave. 
so instead of just leaving money to help your love ones, don’t fall into the trap of leaving trouble together with your wealth. 
 

personally I have seen just too many. 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Dp26

[Dp26]

43 minutes ago, Loki said:

My parents are both in their 80s.  I have 2 siblings and between the 3 of us, there are 7 grandchildren.  Me and my siblings told my parents to leave everything in a trust to one niece, who is severely autistic.  All the other 6 grandkids are graduates and can take care of themselves.  And me and my siblings are all doing OK and don't need any inheritance.  

That’s nice!
 

 

 

[Lala81]

23 minutes ago, Fitvip said:

My late father passed away intestate. He left a piece of land with a house on it.

During the intestate succession process, my sisters withdrew their names so did I and my brothers since we have a roof over our heads, leaving it to the eldest, second and the youngest brothers. No one was fighting for it.

my FIL's parents passed away and bequested their flat to my FIL's two sisters that didn't have a flat. The sons don't get anything.
Quite progressive for someone that generation.

[Voodooman]

2 hours ago, Mkl22 said:

My maternal grandfather passed away quite some years back. Didn’t expect him to have super traditional beliefs, as the was one of those rare grandads who could speak English well for the time. My mum only got a Small percentage. The sons got more. As well as those grandchildren who are the Tans, with the eldest grandson getting more. The rest of the grandchildren got nothing. 
was initially a tad bitter. But in the end, it was his money and will. 
my dad was the executor of his mother’s estate and my dad distributed the estate equally among all his siblings and also equally among the grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Let me guess, your maternal family after the death of the grand parents are less close than your father's side of family? 

Outright favoritism creates simmering competition among siblings and when the old man with lots of money is no longer around, the show starts. Seen it repeatedly everywhere. 

[Fitvip]

52 minutes ago, Lala81 said:

my FIL's parents passed away and bequested their flat to my FIL's two sisters that didn't have a flat. The sons don't get anything.
Quite progressive for someone that generation.

I have an ex colleague who said that he would help his siblings, not his children. He felt his children had to fend for themselves, just like he did!