Carbon82 Moderator September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 23 hours ago, Dp26 said: A lot of logical talk around. But most of the time it’s the emotional baggage that can trigger the “bomb”. sometimes it’s not that I want, but I don’t want you to have! why he gets more when I’m the one looking after the parents all these years??!! im the one that pays all the bills and take care of my parents all these years but ….. many reasons why and not all we can comprehend when it’s more emotional than logical sometimes. Ehmm my sis and I actually object to my mum's decision to allocate equal shares of my dad's (and eventually hers) estate to the 2 of us plus my son, while leaving a small share for my younger brother (that's another long story). My mum said that traditionally, the eldest grandson will get an equal share of the estate but I said time are different now, let forget about grandchildren, else that will be another set of problems (why some have, some don't have). We want our mum to spend as much as possible instead of leaving any money for us. For the house and shares, we know that it will be passed to us eventually, so we insisted that my mum indicate in her will that it shall be distributed evenly among all her children, although my sis and I have been supporting our parents since we started working (we were already on our own since secondary school days) And my sis and I have also promised my mum to donate a lump sum to charity from both our shares, and in the unforeseen event that what left to us fall short of the committed amount, we will top up the difference from our own pocket. To both of us, it is our duty to support our parents, and we expect absolutely nothing in return. If there's anything left for us, it shall be a bonus, not an entitlement. ↡ Advertisement 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartlander Turbocharged September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 12 hours ago, Mkl22 said: My mum said that traditionally, the eldest grandson will get an equal share of the estate but I said time are different now, let forget about grandchildren, else that will be another set of problems (why some have, some don't have) Your dialect happen to be hainanese? My wife's mother side also practice this tradition of grandson getting a equal share with the uncles. Can imagine if the grandson is not mature enough to handle this windfall, the damage it is going to do to his life. And all the aunties, my MIL included, are quietly not happy about it as almost all the money and properties goes to the sons while really peanuts go to the daughters. My MIL being the eldest in the family really contributed significantly to her family and acted as motherly figure to her siblings even giving up her education to fend for the family. I do not think she crave for the inheritance as she doing very well now but more of the "bias" due to tradition. I know in traditional hainanese family, the boys have it good no need to do house chores and got pampered while the girls have to do all the dirty work, and in the end get almost nothing when it comes to inheritance. Really hard luck. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watwheels Supersonic September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 That is why the details in your will is important who is getting what. Even lky also cannot escape this kind of tragedy from happening. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BanCoe Hypersonic September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 5 hours ago, Jamesc said: Don't tell this to my MIL. I had enough of her precious time. Every time she spend her time with me I seem to spend a lot of money on her! This is how much she eats! L U salah lah as usual……your MIL is on Okinawan Diet lah …… read up on it lah !! Living to a Century is a norm there …… ha ha ha ….. she will outlive you …….. however carry on your futile assasination attempts ( reminds me of the Road Runner cartoon )🤪 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dp26 5th Gear September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Carbon82 said: Ehmm my sis and I actually object to my mum's decision to allocate equal shares of my dad's (and eventually hers) estate to the 2 of us plus my son, while leaving a small share for my younger brother (that's another long story). My mum said that traditionally, the eldest grandson will get an equal share of the estate but I said time are different now, let forget about grandchildren, else that will be another set of problems (why some have, some don't have). We want our mum to spend as much as possible instead of leaving any money for us. For the house and shares, we know that it will be passed to us eventually, so we insisted that my mum indicate in her will that it shall be distributed evenly among all her children, although my sis and I have been supporting our parents since we started working (we were already on our own since secondary school days) And my sis and I have also promised my mum to donate a lump sum to charity from both our shares, and in the unforeseen event that what left to us fall short of the committed amount, we will top up the difference from our own pocket. To both of us, it is our duty to support our parents, and we expect absolutely nothing in return. If there's anything left for us, it shall be a bonus, not an entitlement. Like I say, if the beneficiaries are cordial, things are easy. If not, how one split also not good enough. don’t mind me saying this, after assisting with many wills, your situation is one that’s not uncommon; the kids/beneficiaries wanting it to be one way or another. Although there is no greed or bad intentions from you or your sister, is that what your mum wants? or what you and/or your sister wants? I would let my parents know I don’t need their inheritance but I probably wouldn’t want to influence it my way, any way. Ultimately it’s their money they can will it anyway they want, as long as they are of a sound mind. It’s their will, not mine, not me to impose. It’s not an easy situation whichever way one looks at it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman888 Moderator September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Heartlander said: Your dialect happen to be hainanese? My wife's mother side also practice this tradition of grandson getting a equal share with the uncles. Can imagine if the grandson is not mature enough to handle this windfall, the damage it is going to do to his life. And all the aunties, my MIL included, are quietly not happy about it as almost all the money and properties goes to the sons while really peanuts go to the daughters. My MIL being the eldest in the family really contributed significantly to her family and acted as motherly figure to her siblings even giving up her education to fend for the family. I do not think she crave for the inheritance as she doing very well now but more of the "bias" due to tradition. I know in traditional hainanese family, the boys have it good no need to do house chores and got pampered while the girls have to do all the dirty work, and in the end get almost nothing when it comes to inheritance. Really hard luck. it happens in many dialect groups in older days for farming families, where "大孙当尾仔" elder grandson gets an equal share. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wind30 Turbocharged September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 7 hours ago, Dp26 said: Like I say, if the beneficiaries are cordial, things are easy. If not, how one split also not good enough. don’t mind me saying this, after assisting with many wills, your situation is one that’s not uncommon; the kids/beneficiaries wanting it to be one way or another. Although there is no greed or bad intentions from you or your sister, is that what your mum wants? or what you and/or your sister wants? I would let my parents know I don’t need their inheritance but I probably wouldn’t want to influence it my way, any way. Ultimately it’s their money they can will it anyway they want, as long as they are of a sound mind. It’s their will, not mine, not me to impose. It’s not an easy situation whichever way one looks at it. I don’t even know what is in my mum’s will…. Or if she have one. I think she does though. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash2017 Twincharged September 19, 2021 Share September 19, 2021 Actually I find it difficult to understand about distribution of assets. Firstly, broader stroke, we are all genetically similar than others, so can we ask Bill Gates to distribute his asset to us too? Secondly, if money or asset belongs to you, has anybody the right to demand you how to use it? Thirdly, even if one of the children took care of the parents, demanding a bigger share of the asset, does that meant that child was taking care of his or her parents for later payment (money and assets). Fourthly, If everyone is living "happily" with each other prior to their parents passing, unequal distribution of assets would lead to parting of separate ways. Fifthly, how come for some children, parents donate assets to charity also cry mother and cry father especially when they themselves are capable of decent living? Sixthly, has our school failed us in realizing family values are more important than money (assets)? Or is there a failing on the parents part too in imparting values to their own children and grandchildren? Seventhly, are we all too attached to material things in this life. As far as I observed, those who cannot understand the human nature, you should observe closely the interactive behavior members here in MCF. Lucky for us in SPH, we all live like a happy family but others from other media like to poke at us, we then take umbrage. In any case, just remember, though you may accumulate all you want on this earth but do kindly remember you can bring them to the next world. If it had caused trouble for your parents, and fighting over their assets, what will happen when it is your turn with your own children. Funny thing about monkey see and monkey do. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atrecord Supersonic September 20, 2021 Share September 20, 2021 Interesting topic this. Not everyone will have the luxury to have such problem (of potential windfall, and unfair distribution). Some might instead be saddled with debts from parents' medical bills. The crux of the matter is whether the parents are trusted to be fair, smart and clear-minded. And the problem is that most people near their final days, might not have these in abundance. And to instead leave a will early in life, when they do have these, might sometimes be too early - as people sometimes change. Parents might see and know that the children are good when the kids are young, but what happens if circumstances change them later in life. Eg., if one of the children marries a scheming person who then plot against an otherwise good family dynamic - there were a lot of such things shown in the HK serials on TV in the last 40 yr... One that comes to mind is the show i think called A Kindred Spirit (真情), where the younger wife plotted against the elder wife and her children, right from the start... It would be ideal to have total fairness when it comes to inheritance (for those who have this luxury), taking into account all the efforts and money that the ones who take care of the parents, had put in over the years - instead of basing on tradition of boys get more than girls, or on favortism, etc. But i'm not sure it will always turn out this way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throttle2 Supersonic September 20, 2021 Share September 20, 2021 (edited) On 9/18/2021 at 9:02 PM, Ct3833 said: Real or not I don't know but we have seen enough of this kind of fight among sibling. I personally think we should not expect anything from our parents even if they have anything left after they have moved on. And that remind us on how we should treat our asset allocation fairly before we move on, like it or not we will have some money, plus our house for our next generation to fight on if we do not allocate them fairly before we say bye bye to the world. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/im-getting-the-short-end-of-the-stick-with-each-new-grandchild-my-parents-want-to-split-their-estate-with-their-grandkids-11631804438 Many think like that becos they are singles. Many of them are singles becos they think like that. 😁 Edited September 20, 2021 by Throttle2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throttle2 Supersonic September 20, 2021 Share September 20, 2021 Wah, so many rich people problems in here ah?!? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BanCoe Hypersonic September 20, 2021 Share September 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Throttle2 said: Wah, so many rich people problems in here ah?!? Becoz many here are ex-table wipers whom have upgraded leaps n bounds 🤣 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albeniz Turbocharged September 22, 2021 Share September 22, 2021 I myself won't have such questions, but I worry my children may have. They are still small, my only wish is when they grow up, they become 富二代. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mersaylee Supersonic September 22, 2021 Share September 22, 2021 How cum I don't have any rich man problem? Oh...i is boh lui to begin with...only have money no enuf problems 😁 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playtime Twincharged September 22, 2021 Share September 22, 2021 On 9/19/2021 at 2:06 AM, Mahjong74 said: @Heartlander Just to share mine and I am very fortunate to be born in a very traditional Chinese family. Grandparents and parents always teach and remind not to lust after riches not belong to us. Thus no fight, no conflicts, no bomb or emotional baggage within family and relatives for $$$ related issues. In 2002, my grandfather passed away and left behind a fortune solely to eldest daughter, among 3 sons and 3 daughters since my eldest aunt took care of him mostly. My eldest after deducting the medical bills, distributed the fortune equally to all sons, daughters and grandchildren. In 2009, my dad passed away and left behind small fortune. Although I am the main person who spent the most on him. With my mum permission, I distribute the fortune in equal share for my mum, myself, my younger brother and sister. In 2020, my grandmother passed away and also left behind a fortune with tons of gold jewellery, gold chain and gold bar. Again, all these is left solely to my eldest Aunt since she is staying with and taking care of my grandma. My Auntie again after deducting the medical bills, distributed all the fortune and golds to her siblings and grandchildren. As for myself, I pass all the gold to my mum since I don't need it. Whole family also know that my mum pass me all her savings (few hundred Ks) for investment purpose and trust that I will distribute in equal share to all siblings in equal share in the future. Like what I did with my dad fortune. That's nice. 👍 But hor... play majong time business is business.. don't take turn throw let people limit hor 🤣 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wind30 Turbocharged September 22, 2021 Share September 22, 2021 On 9/20/2021 at 11:21 AM, Atrecord said: Interesting topic this. Not everyone will have the luxury to have such problem (of potential windfall, and unfair distribution). Some might instead be saddled with debts from parents' medical bills. Lucky my sister is rich and my mum relatively healthy 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeSVX Neutral Newbie September 23, 2021 Share September 23, 2021 I think it is probable that in future more people would have to depend on inheritance to be able to own their own property or pay off their loan. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bsswan 6th Gear September 24, 2021 Share September 24, 2021 ↡ Advertisement 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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