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chryst

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  1. chryst
    There’s a special date coming up, or you just want to chut pattern because the relationship’s plateaued for a while. Either way, you wouldn’t want to ruin your romantic day/evening by getting stuck in a crowd and having the magic squeezed out of it.
     
    So what do you do? You eliminate the public transport-taking crowd by going somewhere only cars can reach, and halve that even more by going somewhere so ulu that the two-way Uber trip hurts. You’re left with fellow car owners who have wisely read this article (wink at each other twice so we know we’re from the same community) and the hardcore Obikers who frankly deserve our respect.
     
     
     
     
     

    *


     
     
    1. Pasar Bella @ The Grandstand

     
     
     

    (Credit: Flickr.com/eyesthruthelens)


     
    Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. It’s not the most secluded or unknown one on this list, but it certainly deserves a mention. Located in Turf City along Bukit Timah Road, the cosily-lit Pasar Bella sits beautifully against a blue evening sky. If you have kids, drop them straight off at Fidgets World (http://thegrandstand.com.sg/shops/childrenrecreation/fidgets-world/) before you go off and be merry.
     
     
    As its name suggests, the beautiful market is a feast for both your eyes and stomachs. The interiors feel more German Markthalle than chio pasar malam, the food delicious and varied enough to warrant repeat visits (next seven dates settled). Here you will find delectable culinary ranging from a whole ocean of seafood (see what I did there) hailing from different countries, beefy hot pot, connoisseur cheese, kebabs and alcohol.
     

     
     
     

    (Credit: Flickr/aevylain


    When you’re done stuffing yourself, you can take a walk through the fresh produce section, have a manicure, buy some flowers and scents or even head outside with some snacks and watch remote control cars race on the dirt course. There’s plenty to do here on a lovely date, just remember to collect your little monsters before heading home.
     
    Address: PasarBella @ The Grandstand Bukit Timah, 200 Turf Club Road, Singapore 287994
    Opening Hours (Stalls): 9.30am - 7pm
    Opening Hours (Restaurants): 10am - 10pm
     
    Google maps link here.
     
     
    2. Punggol Lalang Field

     
     
     
     

    (Credit: Flickr.com/arnage)


     
    Perhaps the most relac venue on this list - it’s a perfect cap off to a hectic week or a completed project. Pack a picnic, fly a kite, watch the sunset. You can already feel your shoulders easing off. If your partner is the Instagram-siao kind, show your support and bring them here. Slap on a straw hat, have them do the classic oh-I-didn’t-know-you-were-shooting pose and you’re good to go.[/size]
     
     

     
     
     

    (Credit:Flickr/kohjiaweiandhis5d)


     
    The fields are beautiful at sunset, and as it darkens, candles and lights can add an extra charm (as long as you don’t burn down the field). There are HDB blocks in the distance as well, making it the ideal place for a Singaporean to propose.
     
    Address: Punggol Lalang Field
    Opening Hours: As late as you are afraid of the dark
     
    Google maps link here.
     
     
    3. Pasir Ris and Seletar Farmways

     
     
     
     

    (Credit: Flickr.com/yaya90)


     
    Yeah, that’s right. Trust us to surprise you with a two-in-one deal.
     
    If you’re not the romantic sort and depend on the venue or activity to set your partner’s heart racing, then look no further. The two animal fairways in Singapore are the perfect places to melt even a heart of stone. Just take a look at this:
     

     
     
     
     

    (Credit: Feecha.com)


     
    Don’t trust anyone who looks at this photo and feels nothing. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
     
    There’s plenty to see and do at the farmways. Organic and mushroom farms are there if you’re interested, but the main draws are definitely the animal farms. Pet and feed your everyday dogs, hamsters, rabbits or the more uncommon ones like peacocks and horses. Go prawning, try your hand at longkang fishing or admire ornamental fish and coral which Singapore is actually the biggest exporter of in the world!
     

     
     
     
     

    (Credit: Flickr.com/coolinsights)


     
    There are animal shelters here for abandoned pets as well. Adopt one for the family, or even volunteer in your free time to take care and play with them together with your partner. Nothing like spending your weekends tending to animals to show your loving and caring side.
     
    Address: Pasir Ris Farmway 1
    Opening Hours: 10.30am - 7pm
     
    Google maps link here.
     
    Address: Seletar West Farmway 5[/size]
    Opening Hours: 10.00am - 6pm
     
    Google maps link here.
     
     
     
    4. Water Venture Sembawang

     
     
     
     

    (Credit: People’s Association Water Venture)


     
    You drive all the way in to avoid the long, arduous walk only to pay good money to participate in the myriad of physical activities on offer here. Yeah, that’s why we left this till last.
     
    If you met your partner in OBS, are actually one of those aforementioned hardcore Obikers, or if you grew tired of your partner and want to get rid of them, then this is for you. Hike in nature trails, abseil, windsurf, kayak or even camp for a couple of nights. The list goes on but it’s too tiring even thinking of everything they offer to type it all out.
     
    Address: 60 Jalan Mempurong, 759058
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WaterVenture
     
    Google maps link here.
     
    So there you go, we’ve recced four possibly less crowded places to bring your bae (or potential bae) to. Settles both the Valentine’s date and can show off that you rich drive as well. Just remember, less crowded doesn’t mean you can get jiggy with it in public.
     
     
    But honestly, here’s a quote we found online from a criminal lawyer in Singapore: “It cannot be held to be an indecent act if it is not visible. As long as it's discreet and done behind 'closed doors', then it's okay." Play safe, you kids.
  2. chryst
    I’m currently in the market for a new car. "But why, Chryst? Didn’t you just get a new car less than 3 years ago?" you ask. I did, but it had 36 months left on it. Wait, you didn't ask? You didn't even realize this column was by me? Oh, OK, bylines are for losers, I guess. Anyway, yes, I was looking for a used car even though I already have a very sexy and hip Chevrolet Aveo that brings all the boys to my yard.
     
    But that's for my family. I wanted a “non-uncle” (sorry Chevy driving Uncles!) car, mostly for carrying my shopping from Orchard to home and for getting food. My goal was to buy a used Lancer or a Civic for $20,000 to $25,000.
     
    In my search, I met five distinct kinds of people, and here they are!
     
    The Can't Read, Write, or Speak So Well Guy
    Did you know that selling a car has no requirement for being able to write or speak in full sentences? It's true! Anyone can post an ad. Even if English is not your first language and you don't know anyone who speaks English. Even if English is your first language, but the notion of using nouns and verbs correctly is offensive to you. None of these things can legally stop you from posting your car on car classifieds and then attempting to communicate with people who want to buy it.

    One of my favorite ads was for a car no longer needed because its owner was "going off to univarsity to stay at hostile." Now, I’m not too sure if he’ll be dealing with multiple confrontations and will be left with no time to drive, or he meant “university” and “hostel”. Hopefully, once he gets there, he'll learn how to spell and communicate. See, this was early in my search, before I instituted my one-strike policy of dealing with people, so I actually contacted him.
     
    I asked where I could see the car, and he said he'd "be at the location all day." I replied that the location wasn't provided, to which he responded, "I'LL BE AT THE LOCATION ALL DAY." Five minutes later, someone must have taken pity on me and explained the communication problem because I finally got an address, which, of course, I did not go to.
     
    Before I leave this topic, I'd also like to mention the guy selling a car with a "swapped motor." When I inquired as to what that was, he explained: "My bro posted it. He a idiot. Original motor. I swapped out the cluster." Yeah, I didn't see that guy's car either, but I'm super glad he has my contact info.
     
    The Omitter
    Although initially infuriating, I've come to love the omitter. The omitter is the guy who doesn't list things in the ad that you definitely need when buying a car. Specifically, proper pictures, exact model, and mileage. The omitter is not to be confused with some schemer who fails to disclose latent defects -- that's our next entry. You expect[/size]shady shit like that when you're buying a used car. The omitter is somehow almost worse because he's not playing the game right.

    But ultimately I came to love the omitter because he made my decisions so much easier as I scrolled through a barrage of new listings. No pics? It's a piece of crap. No miles? It has over 200,000. No make? OK, I'll text you and ask because maybe you're a grandma who didn't think to include it.
     
    The Big Liar
    Everyone expects a certain amount of puffery when buying a used car. People say a car in good condition is in great condition, they don't mention the occasional overheating episode or the wonky passenger window. We're all grown-ups here and we get it. I'm talking about the big liars. The people with brass balls who just don't care.
     
    There are used car dealers who list their cars as private parties online. They do this so they can get away with not offering dealer warranties, they do this so they don't appear to be running a lemon mill, they do it so they can do a bait and switch, and they do it because they're big liars.
     
    The biggest liar I met was a dude posting a Toyota that he described as being in "MINT" condition. All caps and everything. For kids at home, "mint" means perfect. If it were a Magic card, it would have no creases or damage of any kind. So I clicked on the pictures and I could have sworn I saw a slight dent over the front driver's side tire. Then I clicked another one and saw a fist-sized dent in the back rear bumper.

    When I called this private party, I learned it was actually a dealer, and I continued talking: "Are we even talking about the same car? Unless I'm crazy, this car has dents."
     
    "Yeah, well, you see the pictures," he said. "It has some dents. Do you really care about that?"
     
    "I actually don't care about minor dents," I said. "But I do care very much about buying a car from a guy who describes something with dents as 'mint'."
     
    The Guy Who Doesn't Want to Sell His Car
    Did you know there are people selling cars on car classifieds who really don't want to sell their car? Case in point happened to me the other week. I found a 2007 Lancer GLX with 185,000 kilometres on it for about $25,000. It looked like it was in good shape, and the best part is, it was being sold in my favourite colour complete with the aftermarket parts I intended to get anyway. How wonderful, I thought. He'll be relieved to know it's a fellow appreciator who’ll be taking over his ride.
     
    He posted on a Saturday afternoon and I contacted him within two hours, asking to see it right then. Late Saturday night, he advised he'd call me Sunday. I explained I was seeing a car at 11 a.m. on Sunday, but would gladly come see his before or after. No reply.
    On Sunday, after seeing the other car (in the entry below), I contacted him again asking to see the car. It was sold.
     
    Let's recap. I contacted him within two hours of posting and asked to see it right away. He ignored or put me off for 36 hours until he said it was sold. I dug deeper and all he wanted to know was how much his car could fetch and the compliments that came his way. Kind of like guys who like it when other men leer at their wife.
     
    The Decent Guy
    It's hard to believe, but it's true: You can meet some decent people selling used cars. One gentleman was selling his elderly father's 2009 Honda Civic for about $24,000. The car was driven infrequently for years, had low miles and was beautifully maintained. He answered my inquiry promptly. He used full sentences, and everything was smooth sailing.

    We met at an agreed location, and I looked over the car. It was in very good condition, but not excellent. Still, it was an acceptable embellishment. His asking price was slightly higher than what was listed but again, acceptable. The AC worked and the car drove well. If he would bring the price down a few grand, we would have had a sale.
     
    Then this gentleman disclosed to me that when there was heavy rain, the driver's side occasionally got damp. I researched that. It's a Civic thing. If it's wet with rainwater and not a coolant, then it's probably rust damage to the underneath, allowing water to come in. I quickly imagined myself having a mold-induced allergy attack and passed on the purchase. He divulged something that cost him the sale because it was the right thing to do. He was an honest man. A decent fellow.
     
    And I found him on the Internet, no less. But as of now, I’m still searching for my next set of wheels.
  3. chryst
    We've all been there: You go in for a quick look, then one of the salesmen walks up and next thing you know - you're walking out of there with a new car. How did they do that?!
     
    It's not magic. It's real life mind hacking that you never knew existed.
     
    1. They give you free coffee

    Almost every single car dealership on Earth has the same setup: Coffee served out of Styrofoam. The more upclass ones would have a Nespresso machine with their little tray of capsule soldiers and a tower of pristine expresso cups. You take it, because it's free coffee and you're a kiasu Singaporean. Instinctively, you want to pre-emptively bleed them for every free thing you can get before they go to town on your wallet -- as you know they invariably will.
     
    But why?
    It's actually the coffee's fault. Well, some of it at least: Consumption of caffeine makes people much easier to persuade in general. In a double-blind study, participants who took caffeine pills were far more easily convinced about the benefits of euthanasia than those who had taken placebos. Apparently, this is possible because most people don't actually listen to everything anybody else is saying. The addition of caffeine gives them that little mental boost to be more attentive and therefore more persuadable. So in a way, all those counterculture hippies were right: Starbucks is turning us all into "easily pliable sheep, man."
     
    2. Cursing

    Whether it's Phua Chu Kang impressing some Malaysian businessmen or just a Singaporean used-car salesman telling you, "This is a damn zai (read: fine) car! Hey, I wouldn't bulls**t a bulls**tter! Am I right?" cursing has its place in the business world. You're damn right it does.
     
    But why?
    You'd think that most people, if polled, would probably say that salespeople should avoid using any sort of profanity around customers. A lot of people are uncomfortable with swear words, and even those who aren't could easily find it unprofessional. It turns out, though, that's totally eff-ing inaccurate. By adding the phrase "dammit" to the beginning or end of a statement, researchers found that people are more inclined to agree with the speaker's opinion when the curse is used. This may be because cursing implies more passion about the subject at hand.
     
    But it may be precisely because you don't expect the salesperson to curse in front of you that it's so effective. So when they use profanity in a positive manner (i.e., they aren't telling you to "eff off to next door" but are just using it to emphasize how great something is), you pay more attention to the whole argument and are more likely to think the opinion expressed was genuine. While it might seem unprofessional, a salesman using a small curse ("This is a bloody good car") is more likely to make a sale, since you probably think he's being honest about his feelings instead of just trying to trick you into the more expensive brand.
     
    3. Talking fast

    While radio ads and infomercials may seem ridiculous with their fast-talking hosts, they really do convince people to shell out their hard-earned money for a $99 pot-that-is-also-a-strainer. We've got the three Happycall pans, six airfryers and an industrial-sized crate of crispy salted egg fish skins to prove it.
     
    But why?
    Even though the slimy fast-talking salesperson is a pop culture stereotype, salespeople who speak faster are still perceived to be more intelligent and certain of what they are saying, and therefore have more trusted opinions than salespeople who speak at a "normal" conversational speed.
     
    There is an upper limit, though; the fastest "normal" rate of speech is about 194 words a minute. If you get much higher than that you start sounding like a speed freak instead of just someone who really knows what he's talking about. So be wary if a salesperson starts upping the tempo a bit right as you try to walk away -- it doesn't mean he suddenly stopped being a douche who's trying to force something you don't need on you; it just means he may have also read this article.
     
    4. The Foot-in-the-Door technique

    You're casually walking along with your family, ohhing and ahhing at the shiny displayed cars when one of those uppity salespeople accosts you.
     

    "Oh hello sir! Wah your children very cute ah? You must sayang (love) them a lot right?"


     

    "Yeah of course I sayang them. They are the fruits of my loins."


     

    "Wah, then Sir, you must come see this car that has the brand new child safety technology, confirm can keep your kids safe!"


     
    Okay, you just said you sayang your kids, so it would be kind of a dick move to back out now. You take a cursory look at the car and start to walk away, then he asks if you want a brochure. You take the brochure because, well, you did just look at the vehicle. You'll just throw it away later. Then he asks if you'd like to be on the mailing list - kid safety is an ongoing concern, you see. A whole bunch of excuses are on the tip of your tongue, but what's an email address anyway, right? You don't want to look like someone who cares about children enough to glance at a car but not enough to want to know more.
     
    But why?
    Called the "Foot-in-the-Door" technique, this strategy is the key to upselling: It works because most people have a really hard time saying no in the first place and have an even harder time if they've already said yes to something. Salespeople exploit it by getting you to say yes to something trivial before hitting you with a much bigger request.
     
    The most famous example was a phone survey of women regarding the cleaning products they used. The women who took the survey were called again a week later with an absurdly invasive and inconvenient request: Would they allow men to come look through their kitchen cupboards for two hours to see for themselves what kind of products they use? The women who participated in the phone survey were two times as likely to let strange men poke around their houses, compared with women who were just asked the second part with no primer. You see this every day: It's why you end up with a warranty you don't want or a supersized meal you don't need. You've already said yes to buying one thing, and it's only a little more money for the upgrade, and really, when you think about it, a warranty for a taco isn't all that unreasonable: What if you drop it in the parking lot? Your hand is practically forced here!
     
    5. Figuring out your type, and using it against you

    If you sit down at Automobile Megamart and watch one of the car salespeople for the day, two things will happen: One, you'll see him become a dozen different people over the course of his shift, altering his language, posture and approach for every customer in order to close the sale. And two, you'll probably be arrested for stalking. The latter is a matter for the courts to decide, but the former is a tried-and-true sales technique called the Chosen Representation System.
     
    But why?
    People are different: Right-brained vs. left-brained, creative vs. logical, touchy-feely vs. withdrawn, boisterous vs. shy. And not surprisingly, all these different types of people want different things when they're making purchases. The things that are important to you when buying a product (color, texture, sound clarity, etc.) are called your Chosen Representational System. The best salespeople recognize your CRS very quickly and adjust their selling style accordingly. If you're kind of a big loud guy with the beer gut and a Hard Rock Cafe Bangkok t-shirt complete with the gold jewellery, they can guess that a taokay(boss) brand car is probably most important to you, and they're going to whip out the B's and the M's. If you're a well-dressed female, they assume you'll be more swayed by aesthetics, and they'll likely show you their hassle-free, sleek drives.
     
    That's all somewhat common sense, but there are ways they tailor their pitch to you before even asking any questions: For example, changing one word when stating an opinion goes a long way toward convincing the person you are talking to that your way of thinking is correct. In general, women are swayed by "I feel" and men more by "I think." So if you're talking to a woman, then you "feel this is the best portable smoothie maker ever made." If you're talking to a male customer, you "think this smoothie maker will damn well dominate every other one on the market."
     
    It gets even crazier from there: Another effective tool is asking you to recall something from the past. Depending on whether you look up or down, left or right, salespeople can often infer your CRS, no matter what your subsequent answer is. That's right: Your very body language is betraying you to the salesb**tards. You cannot even trust yourself against them.
     
    This article was adapted from Cracked.
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