Disciplining children or child abuse?

[Skunk]

traditionally, many parents like to use the cane.

 

But i prefer to use my hand. U will know how hard u hit, because your hand will also hurt.

 

My fav is to slap my daughter's foot (sole) when she's naughty. That's one part of the body that'hild, yet s built to withstand some impact n won't harm the child, yet will be painful n shocking enough to teach a lesson.

 

Below a certain age, there's no use "reasoning" or using logic....children's brains just aren't built to understand logic under a certain age. Just say "no" and whack hehe

[Tigerwoods]

most parents these days are not disciplining their child but venting frustrations on them. in this times, everyone is conditioned by modern influence of instantaneous gratification. logic will tell this dad dat a crying child when scolded, slapped or smacked will cry even louder. oi only 3~4yr old. any fierce reaction bring more cries brings frustrations.

sadly I also lidat one. but changing for the better...

[Latka]

I wudn't do that in public for the reason that my child is entitled to dignity. But I wl let my child know dat he wl get it back home and I do follow up on it.

[Ahtong]

I like your reasoning. Let's say you see a parent whacking his child in public because he himself has lost control, how would you react?

[Skunk]

I, however, grew up in a more westernised family.

 

Traditional "western" families were big on discipline.

 

Wear the dunce-cap and get a whack of the ruler on the knuckles. Public humiliation + painful knuckles.

 

My German friend told me, traditionally, children were regularly whacked in their "gymnasium" schools and made to carry tables and run around the fields.

 

Yours must be the modern Scandinavian family big on "liberal" values LOL

[A_korusawa]

For those who are parents, how do you get your children to stop crying? Maybe I can't describe the scene vividly enough by the elderly couple in front of me also see until eyes big big mouth open wide.

 

Anyway, Batman (or shall I say Fatman) decided the scene was too volatile and intervention may have caused more complications.

 

i dunno if all who replies here are parents.

i have seen many replies from non-parent - they are 'crap'.

when they become parent themselves, they become worst than their comments.

so please dun judge unless you have 'been there'.

 

discipline a child is 2-way, need to be requested, responded, actioned or else it leads to command, comply, & obey.... both comes with carrot & cane.

in my household, i hold the cane & my wife uses her words - so its 1 hard, & 1 soft.

but when it comes to play & fun with the kids, i was the clown, & my wife's the master....

 

NEVER, NEVER hit with your bare hands! its worst than using a cane - remember that!

i uses a rubber-band, 'piak' at my kids hand/finger/thigh or legs if they really pushes too far - when my request leads to command

my wife will be the one to open her hands to them after that . . . . - explains the rationale/warnings behind my request/command to the kids

then only the kids will know, they will weigh the rewards against the consequences on themselves........

the moment they show remorse, i will take advantage to ensure they comply to next actions........... NEVER reward them on-the-spot!

if they ask for rewards, i will challenge them for a bigger stake for bigger compliance

i rewards my kids dearly . . . . on separate occasions - so that they knows the toys they received was not from the good behaviours/result (these are their must-no rewards!) but rather the love from their daddy & mommy

 

all parents love their kids - they deliver differently

 

cheers!

 

 

 

[Skunk]

I wudn't do that in public for the reason that my child is entitled to dignity. But I wl let my child know dat he wl get it back home and I do follow up on it.

 

depending on the age and circumstance, immediate punishment is more effective so the mind connects punishment with wrongdoing. Children have no dignity. "Dignity" is the false value adults give themselves so they have a sense of self-worth in front of others. Children only have pure unadulterated innocence. When urgent, they will just pee in their pants, when they need milk, they will just cry. They have no need of dignity :)

[Skunk]

NEVER, NEVER hit with your bare hands! its worst than using a cane - remember that!

 

I used to think so too, but now no longer. I think using hands is better. And i've justified why. Care to share any justification? Or else it's just a baseless opinion, right?

 

[Ahtong]

~Paging for uncle Darryn to give angmo perspective.~

[Latka]

depending on the age and circumstance, immediate punishment is more effective so the mind connects punishment with wrongdoing. Children have no dignity. "Dignity" is the false value adults give themselves so they have a sense of self-worth in front of others. Children only have pure unadulterated innocence. When urgent, they will just pee in their pants, when they need milk, they will just cry. They have no need of dignity :)

 

Don't think dat's the way dignity works. Self worth is wat one acquires on one's own merit. According dignity to another is according a measure of respect to another.

[Skunk]

Don't think dat's the way dignity works. Self worth is wat one acquires on one's own merit. According dignity to another is according a measure of respect to another.

 

whatever. Depending on the child's age, they have none, or little of either :) and it's better this way. Such child-like innocence and ignorance is their beauty.

 

Of course, we won't want to discipline a 16 yr old "child" in public. But the context here, i believe it's a child under 5 years of age.

[Chrispie]

I just need to raise my voice to discipine my kids. My loud voice is enough to frighten them.

 

Cos sometimes sharing the lift with neightbours 5 floors down, they could ask whether i was the one shouting at my kids.

 

i think the whole block can hear my shout.

 

So far, very seldom have to use the cane. But when shouting dont work, i'll pick up the cane and will come with a super black face..........duno why its extremely effective. immediately they will stop all the nonsense.

 

Slapping is a big no no.

 

 

if ur children read this.. they wont be afraid of you again.. haha.

 

 

i grew up on 'kuay tiao' also leh.. turned out ok.. prob next time i will use the cane too. But hit or not.. i dun know.. maybe heart too soft. My bro and i are 11 years apart and god he was a terror. He was always wacked up down left right by my mum and me, nw, super sensible. so.... i think cane do works lah.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Chrispie

[Dwee]

I feel that as a parent , they should discipline their child. I slap and cane my child very often whenever he is mischievous or did something wrong. I rather discipline them with my own hands rather than to let the police discipline them in future. I'm very sure that all parents will want their child to be a good and obedient person, learning the correct things when they are grown up. I rather feel the pain in the heart now than to no turning back in future .

[Chrispie]

i am not a parent.. but i feel that my parent's way of disciplining is quite effective.

 

Warn first.

 

If dont listen, make sure you kena jialut jialut..

 

After few times, when i know the wacking can be that bad, after the warning i learnt what not to do liao...

[Mockngbrd]

2:20 onwards...hehe

 

[Wind30]

BTW, when is the age to start caning?

 

24 months? 36months?

[Kingcopa]

Nowadays i wonder how come my Ah Pa, who used to whack me jialat jialat, scold me when i just raise my voice on my girl?

[Pokyman]

i am not a parent.. but i feel that my parent's way of disciplining is quite effective.

 

Warn first.

 

If dont listen, make sure you kena jialut jialut..

 

After few times, when i know the wacking can be that bad, after the warning i learnt what not to do liao...

 

 

Yes, that is what i go by. I will always warn my eldest son first. After the 3rd time, comes the punishment. And my rule is that once i whack, i will explain after wards why i hit him when he calms down, and that "daddy still love you." Kids need to know that they are being punished for their behaviour. I disagree when some parents use emotional blackmail, such as "u naughty papa/mummy don't love u ".

 

I do not want my sons to grow up trying to qualify for or earn my love for them, being afraid that when they make mistakes or misbehave, their daddy love them less.. . For me, my love for them is unconditional, and that when i punish them, its because i love them and i want them to grow up knowing what is right or wrong. ( and i do tell them that whenever i punish them.)

 

Lastly, i disagree with slaps. When you are angry and you smack the cheek, do you know how much force you can exert, especially if you are enraged? What if you damaged the ear drums? Can you live with it? Parents, please hit areas where kids are not so easily hurt, please. You do not want to cause a lifelong injury which you will regret forever and your kid growing up hating you for it.