More seniors being cheated by their kids

[Showster]

I really can't stand this kind of people. Even if they appear successful, I would heavily discount their success.

 

Have known at least 3 separate elder relatives subject to this kind of cheating. 

 

Do you know any? Please share and advise against this behaviour.

 

 

More seniors being cheated by their kids

Social workers say it is important to raise awareness of financial abuse so that the elderly can learn how to safeguard their money.PHOTO: AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE

Social workers say the financial abuse cases reported are just tip of the iceberg

Theresa Tan

 

Social workers are seeing more senior citizens who have been cheated or financially abused by their children.

The children may have tricked or talked the parents into selling their home, often with the promise that the parents can live with the children in the children's home. But after taking the sale proceeds, they treat the parents shabbily, some even throwing the parents out.

There are also cases where children hold a parent's ATM card or manage their finances, as the parent may be too frail to go to the bank or is unfamiliar with the banking system. But the parent's life savings get wiped out as the children help themselves to the money.

 

Also common are situations of adult sons demanding money regularly from elderly parents and turning violent if they do not comply.

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TRANS Safe Centre, a charity specialising in helping abused elderly people, dealt with 11 seniors who suffered some form of financial abuse last year. In 2008, it had only two such cases, its senior social worker Mrs Chua Yixin told The Sunday Times.

 

 

 

Care Corner Project StART, another of the three agencies that specialise in helping those affected by family violence, estimates that it had about 20 such new cases last year, a "considerable" rise over the last few years, its team leader Kristine Lam said.

HIDING THE SHAME

The elderly may not even see this as abuse, but as their bad karma to have an unfilial child. They think it's shameful to tell others and they don't know what can be done about it

MRS CHUA YIXIN, senior social worker at TRANS Safe Centre, on abused seniors choosing to keep mum about being exploited by their children

Pave, another family violence specialist centre, does not track the number of seniors who have been financially abused, but said the issue is definitely of concern. This is because social workers say that the cases reported are but the tip of the iceberg. Parents not only fear they will get the children in trouble if they go to the police, but also worry that the children will cut off ties if they go public.

And even when they seek assistance, it is often for financial aid or to find a place to stay for themselves or the abusive child. When doing so, they keep mum about how they have been exploited.

Said Mrs Chua: "The elderly may not even see this as abuse, but as their bad karma to have an unfilial child. They think it's shameful to tell others and they don't know what can be done about it."

Take for example the case cited by Project StART's Ms Lam of a widow in her 80s whose only child got her to sell her house worth $4 million. The son, a businessman in his 40s, asked his mother to sign a document, purportedly to rent out her house and give him the rental income to help him cope with business woes.

As it turned out, the document was for the sale of the house. He later promised to buy her a small flat.

But that did not happen, and she found herself living with his family of five in his two-room flat. The woman also said her daughter- in-law treated her badly.

But she put up with it, as her son told her he would cut off ties and not attend her funeral if she went against his wishes, Ms Lam said.

Social workers say the financial abuse cuts across all income groups.

Mrs Chua gives the example of a widow in her 80s who receives $450 a month from the Government's Public Assistance (PA) scheme for the destitute.

She is bedridden and lives with the youngest of her six children, a son in his 50s. The jobless man used his mother's PA money for himself, leaving her malnourished, among other problems. He even took his mother out to the streets to beg, his siblings told Mrs Chua.

But when they questioned their brother or tried to visit the old woman, he threatened to kill himself and found ways to stop them from visiting her. With the social workers' help, however, the other children eventually managed to have her placed in a nursing home.

Mrs Chua said many such abuse cases come to light only when the other children smell a rat.

For instance, when the parents are not properly looked after, or when the child who is suspected of cheating the parent prevents siblings from having any contact with the parent.

One man even went so far as to take his mother to a lawyer's office to sign a statutory declaration - a statement made under oath - that she did not want any contact with her four other children. She also signed a letter authorising the son, a professional in his 40s, to handle her finances - her worth is estimated to be in the millions.

The son has prevented his siblings from visiting. He refuses to open the door when they show up, and they have not seen their mother, who is in her 80s and uses a wheelchair, for over a year.

The woman's other children suspect that he has got her to make him the sole beneficiary in her will, Mrs Chua said. They are now exploring their options to gain access to their mother, she added.

Many cases of financial abuse involve a son abusing his mother.

Said Mrs Chua: "Mothers tend to give in to their children's demands more often than dads. Traditionally, mothers dote on their sons more, so some take advantage of this."

Associate Professor Ruby Lee of the National University of Singapore Law Faculty said financial abuse is a tough nut to crack as most seniors do not want to report the wrongdoing or take their children to court.

Making a police report may not help, because the children's actions, while morally wrong, may not be a criminal offence, she said, citing the example of children reneging on their promise to house their parents after taking the proceeds from selling the parents' flat.

But if a parent has lost his mental capacity due to dementia, for example, and a child is suspected of cheating the parent, the siblings can ask the court to appoint them as deputies to make key decisions on the parent's behalf.

For a start, social workers say it is important to raise awareness of financial abuse so that the elderly can learn how to safeguard their money. Ms Micki Sim, a social worker at @27 Family Service Centre, suggested: "Talk to someone, like a social worker, if you feel you have been exploited and we will see how we can help."

 

 

 

Edited January 17, 2016 by Showster

[Wt_know]

what's new?

mediacorp also use this material make how many drama liao ... lol

 

The children may have tricked or talked the parents into selling their home, often with the promise that the parents can live with the children in the children's home. But after taking the sale proceeds, they treat the parents shabbily, some even throwing the parents out.

Edited January 17, 2016 by Wt_know

[Goldbug]

what's new?

mediacorp also use this material make how many drama liao ... lol

 

To prevent seniors from being cheated, maybe the proceeds from HDB sale must be locked inside CPF when seniors sell their flats?

[lausai88]

To prevent seniors from being cheated, maybe the proceeds from HDB sale must be locked inside CPF when seniors sell their flats?

 

cannot lah, later the seniors: 

attachment=139202:a.jpg]

[Wt_know]

nothing can be done la

 

1. after minus minimum sum ... the extra cash ... give to children ... gone case

 

2. sell hdb ... plonk all the proceed to buy PC with children say live together ... then kena ill treated and send to old folk home ... say for the parent good because working to time to look after them

 

if the children want to trick their parent ... day and night thinking and eyeing their parent $cpf ... nothing can stop them

 

i think i better keep my rolex in the safe for rainy days ... LOL

 

To prevent seniors from being cheated, maybe the proceeds from HDB sale must be locked inside CPF when seniors sell their flats?

 

Edited January 17, 2016 by Wt_know

[Goldbug]

nothing can be done la

 

1. after minus minimum sum ... the extra cash ... give to children ... gone case

 

2. sell hdb ... plonk all the proceed to buy PC with children say live together ... then kena ill treated and send to old folk home ... say for the parent good because working to time to look after them

 

if the children want to trick their parent ... day and night thinking and eyeing their parent $cpf ... nothing can stop them

 

i think i better keep my rolex in the safe for rainy days ... LOL

 

last time news article say hum sup old men squandered their money in Bataam

chut minimum sum scheme to help hum sup lo save money for retirement

 

now say children cheat senior money, something is up

[Wt_know]

set up another account called PA ... "preventive account" .... muahahaha

RA > MA > PA ....

 

last time news article say hum sup old men squandered their money in Bataam

chut minimum sum scheme to help hum sup lo save money for retirement

 

now say children cheat senior money, something is up

 

Edited January 17, 2016 by Wt_know

[Ender]

The new  parents should be smarter than our parent time. most would not readily transfer owner to children before they pass on.

[Wt_know]

hard to say

just look at the parent being interviewed that their wish is to help their children to get EC and mickey mouse condo

plonk all their savings for their children to buy condo and car

strawberry generation is created by parent and now evolving to durian generation hor ... lagi jialat

 

The new  parents should be smarter than our parent time. most would not readily transfer owner to children before they pass on.

 

Edited January 18, 2016 by Wt_know

[Ender]

hard to say

just look at the parent being interviewed that their wish is to help their children to get EC and mickey mouse condo

plonk all their savings for their children to buy condo and car

strawberry generation is created by parent and now evolving to durian generation hor ... lagi jialat

There are new gen doting parents,  but there's a rising trend of old folks wanting to go tour instead of taking care of grand children.

[Weez911]

Felt very emo after reading this report.

 

This type of behaviour is inexcusable. I hope their own kids treat them the same way when their time comes. Filial piety should always be one of the key pillars in our society. These old folks have no one else to turn to.

 

 

[Jman888]

now they have maintenance of parents act, but just like alimony dun give also can't do much, or some dun even report.

[ins1dious]

now they have maintenance of parents act, but just like alimony dun give also can't do much, or some dun even report.

 

Some oldies feel ashamed to report... Culturally for us, we are expected to take care of our parents. And that's a good thing for society.

 

I wish such a law can be enforced... some people just ignore their duties and their responsibilities. 

 

But what if resources are meagre? Or maybe the child grew up being abused and neglected and is now slighting his parents because of that. How to measure filial piety in such cases... 

 

Like I was telling my wife... as long as we spend the time with our children, teach them moral values, teach by example by treating our own elders and parents well... when it is time for us to be taken care by them... our own kids will do as well.

 

Any government intervention is not a substitute for that.

Edited January 18, 2016 by ins1dious

[Beehive3783]

Good point. Minimum sum going to increase further?
 

last time news article say hum sup old men squandered their money in Bataam

chut minimum sum scheme to help hum sup lo save money for retirement

 

now say children cheat senior money, something is up

 

[Showster]

Taking care of parents is one issue. I believe we should rise up to the task when the time comes.

 

But cheating one's own parents really smacks of heartlessness at another level lower than neglect.

 

The ones I have encountered typically involves forced transfer of HDB ownership or cheap sales to children, before being ousted away from the homes they used to own. In one cases it was a bankruptcy measure and the mother was resettled in a smaller flat, but in one case, the mother was forced to leave the home, and the other, the father made to rent while the family upgraded.

 

Granted that some old folks might not be easy to live with, I feel that we can still make more provisions for them. At the very least apply a studio apartment from Govt in a nearby location, or those dual key unit / multi-gen unit options if one is afraid of conflict from close proximity.

[Goldbug]

Good point. Minimum sum going to increase further?

 

 

maybe when seniors sell their flats the proceeds must be locked inside CPF

only to be disbursed to their children CPF accounts after the member deceased

[Wt_know]

but there is genuine situation where parent sell their HDB

plonk the $$ to their children to buy private or landed to stay together

it's genuine cases but i think is minority

so much of talking 3-generations flat where govt is pushing ... LOL

 

maybe when seniors sell their flats the proceeds must be locked inside CPF

only to be disbursed to their children CPF accounts after the member deceased

 

Edited January 18, 2016 by Wt_know

[BanCoe]

We will hear more of this in time to come and will peak in the next 10-15 years or so;  Even if the children don't cheat on them ; outsiders are also preying on them like the recent big one case of the  China tour guide one and another one recently but not so big case was the Indian doctor whose maid made off with her savings and we hear pettier ones from time to time everyday ... and its not only happening in Singapore.... its happening everywhere and nowadays people living to their 80's/90's is very common and those that are single or widowed its even harder when they are alone and no social interaction as everyone is just too busy in their own lives