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#1

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:39 PM

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I hope admin dont ban me for this thread and I need admin sympathy on me situation. 

 

I don't know who I can turn to as I heavily draining emotionally, physically, mentally and financially, and I even have a few thought to end my life. 

 

Long story short. I am divorcing my wife due to family violent of physical abuse and verbally abuse. She even threaten to kill me and she had my 1 year old son in her hand and I saw my baby only a few time in police station.

 

I also loss a child access case to her recently as it seem to me the judge believed her lies, and I consider this the darkest day in Singapore justice system in my life. 

 

I am trying to get custody of my boy and I need a good lawyer and it does not come cheap. My friend spent $30k and got only share custody, another friend of mine spent $160k and he won sole custody to 2 of his kids. 

 

I am trying to raise fund for my custody and hope you guys can lend a helping hand here. 

 

Please refer to the link below if you can help even tiny amount and share it out to as many friends or FB page. Thank you very much for your time to read my post.

 

https://gogetfunding...e-with-my-baby/


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#2

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:36 PM

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By the way, those went through a short marriage. Any idea I have to pay maintenance for how long? I am trying not to pay but I know is unlikely unless I have very strong case with evidence. 



#3

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:37 PM

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Why you want the burden of raising child, if your wife willing to do it? He is still your son, whatever the arrangements. Best option is if you get visiting rights, but your ex-wife raise him. Then you are free to pursue whatever's next
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#4

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:44 PM

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😱

#5

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:54 PM

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I hope admin dont ban me for this thread and I need admin sympathy on me situation.

I don't know who I can turn to as I heavily draining emotionally, physically, mentally and financially, and I even have a few thought to end my life.

Long story short. I am divorcing my wife due to family violent of physical abuse and verbally abuse. She even threaten to kill me and she had my 1 year old son in her hand and I saw my baby only a few time in police station.

I also loss a child access case to her recently as it seem to me the judge believed her lies, and I consider this the darkest day in Singapore justice system in my life.

I am trying to get custody of my boy and I need a good lawyer and it does not come cheap. My friend spent $30k and got only share custody, another friend of mine spent $160k and he won sole custody to 2 of his kids.

I am trying to raise fund for my custody and hope you guys can lend a helping hand here.

Please refer to the link below if you can help even tiny amount and share it out to as many friends or FB page. Thank you very much for your time to read my post.

https://gogetfunding...e-with-my-baby/

Your emotions seem to be all over the place which is quite normal. Nobody can fault you as it is part of our human reaction.

Ask yourself, you cant even afford the legal fees, bringing up a child is not simple and does not grow on fresh sir and sunshine only.

There is lots of anger and wanting to get even emotions when you dont want to pay maintenance. The maintenance support both ex~wife and child. By withholding maintenance you are also punishing the child but yet you want custody of the child.

You said you are an emotional wreck and contemplating suicide. What would the child be should you decide to do it while in your custody.

Most important of all now is

1. your suffering days are over, as you can move forward, a 2nd chance is waiting for you ahead, dont let your past be a burden.

2. so much pain and hatred, the best is to get it over and done, separate amicably if possible otherwise dont make the situation worse

3. i am sure both love the child, if ex wife can take better care of your child, and you profess you love you child, then his best interest comes first

4. ask yourself, honestly, look yourself in the mirror, why am i doing all these,

5. be a bigger man, do what is best for everyone


6. good luck take care
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#6

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:14 PM

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First, you should focus on collecting as much evidence as possible on your cheating spouse for your upcoming case




And contact them as they are the best people to provide advice to you

https://www.msf.gov....ce-Centres.aspx


lodge a police report for record purposes to informed that your ex has threaten to harm your child, usually IO , will have an interview with the accused. this has a preventive effect that will let your ex knows, any harm done to your kid, off she goes to changi


child maintenance , it up to the judge and base on your earnings.

btw, if you don't pay up as decided by the court , you be liable for prosecution.


https://singaporeleg...nance-singapore










personally, would not recommend you to engaged a lawyer until you speak with the MSF folks.

if you are unable to pay for a lawyer,

http://probono.lawso...es/default.aspx



if you want a kick ass legal advisor..….PM me, :grin:

Edited by Staff69, 13 August 2019 - 08:23 PM.

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#7

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:22 PM

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Yup.

If u are going to start single parenthood with more debts, emotional stress and juggling of lots of baby care related matters, you may seriously want to consider.

Dun fight for sake of fighting, pride and so-called love for your child. Hopefully he doesn't become a football between u and your ex. A tool to get back at each other conveniently.

Sorry but i will not fund such a cause. Too many of such requests these days from animals to humans to mother nature. Money is your least problem. Getting yourself to stand straight and carefully plan the next stage of your life WITHOUT your child is, personally, more important now.

2 years down the road, you will realise only when you are financially capable and mentally prepared first then you may consider what is best for child. Now you cant even take care of yourself, u may end up ending it all with him.

Harsh words. I sincerely apologise. But i have seen ugly long drawn emotional and mental fights between ex parents of child or children. The kid/kiddos ALWAYS lose.

Just my tots

Take care. Dun "beg" for monies for such. If the child is better off with your ex, perhaps u need to consider accepting this arrangement. He's your child forever, he's made from your flesh n blood too. Be strong and i wish u well. Build up your career so that u can prove you can responsibily take care of him and his future.

Paiseh for machiam lecture. I dun want u to wallow on this path for too long.
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#8

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:38 PM

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I hope admin dont ban me for this thread and I need admin sympathy on me situation.

I don't know who I can turn to as I heavily draining emotionally, physically, mentally and financially, and I even have a few thought to end my life.

Long story short. I am divorcing my wife due to family violent of physical abuse and verbally abuse. She even threaten to kill me and she had my 1 year old son in her hand and I saw my baby only a few time in police station.

I also loss a child access case to her recently as it seem to me the judge believed her lies, and I consider this the darkest day in Singapore justice system in my life.

I am trying to get custody of my boy and I need a good lawyer and it does not come cheap. My friend spent $30k and got only share custody, another friend of mine spent $160k and he won sole custody to 2 of his kids.

I am trying to raise fund for my custody and hope you guys can lend a helping hand here.

Please refer to the link below if you can help even tiny amount and share it out to as many friends or FB page. Thank you very much for your time to read my post.

https://gogetfunding...e-with-my-baby/

You can try applying for legal aids but I think need to meet certain criteria like income.

https://www.mlaw.gov...ent/lab/en.html
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#9

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:14 AM

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Why you want the burden of raising child, if your wife willing to do it? He is still your son, whatever the arrangements. Best option is if you get visiting rights, but your ex-wife raise him. Then you are free to pursue whatever's next

My love to my boy is more than her.

 

She even wanted to kill my son when he was only 3-4 months old. And I have no idea how she treat him behind close door as she move out since Apr. :(

 

Social worker mentioned baby appear to be happy when he visit the house. I told the worker don't be fool. All this can stage. 



#10

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:22 AM

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Obvious signs of psychological distress after childbirth.

 

 

After childbirth, a dramatic drop in hormones (estrogen and progesterone) in your body may contribute to postpartum depression. Other hormones produced by your thyroid gland also may drop sharply — which can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Emotional issues.

 

 

Mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder may surface during or after pregnancy. Additionally, birth-related post-traumatic stress disorder or a severe but rare condition called postpartum psychosis can happen following childbirth

 

 

Dont you think a divorce would turn things for the possible worst?

 

Go help your wife seek help. Why break up the family? Your son needs his mother at such a young age. Divorce is just a quick fix for your situation. If you care for your son's future and well being help your wife get back to her normal self first.


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#11

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:33 AM

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No head no tail on your story. So what did you do or what did she do, for your family to break up on this manner? As much as you love your child, I am quite sure she does as well.
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#12

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:37 AM

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Your emotions seem to be all over the place which is quite normal. Nobody can fault you as it is part of our human reaction.

Ask yourself, you cant even afford the legal fees, bringing up a child is not simple and does not grow on fresh sir and sunshine only.

There is lots of anger and wanting to get even emotions when you dont want to pay maintenance. The maintenance support both ex~wife and child. By withholding maintenance you are also punishing the child but yet you want custody of the child.

You said you are an emotional wreck and contemplating suicide. What would the child be should you decide to do it while in your custody.

Most important of all now is

1. your suffering days are over, as you can move forward, a 2nd chance is waiting for you ahead, dont let your past be a burden.

2. so much pain and hatred, the best is to get it over and done, separate amicably if possible otherwise dont make the situation worse

3. i am sure both love the child, if ex wife can take better care of your child, and you profess you love you child, then his best interest comes first

4. ask yourself, honestly, look yourself in the mirror, why am i doing all these,

5. be a bigger man, do what is best for everyone


6. good luck take care

1. Divorce full lawyer fee paid and waiting for court to approve the divorce. And that was all I had and next is custody and it will take me at least 3 years to save up the amount needed. I have huge housing loan and renovation loan to serving till 2023, before I can save up more. If I wait to save up more, my case will drag for at least 5-6 years. I will miss all my boy growing path. :(

 

2. I am not trying to get even, I only state facts in my statement to court but she began to fabricating false incidents. 

 

3. If I win the custody. All is good and I have purpose to live for my son, and I more willing to let her access the boy more than what the court will allow under supervision. The way she behave I know she will intoxicating my boy when he grow if she wins custody. I will intoxicate my son, I will tell him what happen when he grow up and let him decide. I believe action speaks louder than words.

 

4. Had a talk with her with a counselor. She told me she does not want to divorce but I told her no, my trust in her was completely destroyed. I do not want to live in fear for my boy and my safety. We all know what a father/mother can do to their kids in some headline news before. I do not want even test the water or it will be too late.

 

5. Suffering is not over yet and I will suffering at least another 2-3 years in this sticky situation as she said she will contest the divorce.

 

6. I want to do it the best of everyone. I just unable to handle a wife keeps on lying and framed me. On the other hand, I never fabricate anything and only facts. I still want to believe honesty is the way to go, although 1 lawyer I spoke with told me too honest will kill myself in court. I still want to stick to my honesty.

 

7. She moved out since Apr with my boy. Still no idea where she lives as the police said unable to reveal her address.

 

8. I only want to pay what my boy needs. I don't want to pay to a woman keep on lying but I know she will still get something. 


First, you should focus on collecting as much evidence as possible on your cheating spouse for your upcoming case




And contact them as they are the best people to provide advice to you

https://www.msf.gov....ce-Centres.aspx


lodge a police report for record purposes to informed that your ex has threaten to harm your child, usually IO , will have an interview with the accused. this has a preventive effect that will let your ex knows, any harm done to your kid, off she goes to changi


child maintenance , it up to the judge and base on your earnings.

btw, if you don't pay up as decided by the court , you be liable for prosecution.


https://singaporeleg...nance-singapore










personally, would not recommend you to engaged a lawyer until you speak with the MSF folks.

if you are unable to pay for a lawyer,

http://probono.lawso...es/default.aspx



if you want a kick ass legal advisor..….PM me, :grin:

No cheating from her. Is just I have been suffering verbal and physical abuse from her. And I never pay a finger on her, let alone I don't even dare to confront her.

 

I did not pass the mean test for probono lawyer.



#13

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:48 AM

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To be honest it's very difficult to believe your side of the story. Your chances of custody will be very slim. The judge will side the mother unless you have substantial prove she cannot take care of your child or not fit to do so. Right now the both of you only have words against each other. Who is the judge suspose to believe? I dont think any of us here is fit to make the call too.

 

It's not about spending how much on a lawyer. It's about what is being submitted to court to convince the judge.

 

Sad to say I do not know the details on what happen to you and your family. I wont anyhow fund ppl's divorce. It's nothing personal against you. I'm also sceptical about what kinda friends you have.  It's just that I'm not convinced.


Edited by Watwheels, 14 August 2019 - 08:48 AM.

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#14

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:48 AM

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Frankly speaking, i doubt crowdfunding will works...coz this is a one sided story from your end. None of us knows ur wife or knows the whole story. And it is impossible to verify anything that is written here.

 

My suggestion is mortgage ur own house and fund the legal process urself.  


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#15

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:51 AM

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Yup.

If u are going to start single parenthood with more debts, emotional stress and juggling of lots of baby care related matters, you may seriously want to consider.

Dun fight for sake of fighting, pride and so-called love for your child. Hopefully he doesn't become a football between u and your ex. A tool to get back at each other conveniently.

Sorry but i will not fund such a cause. Too many of such requests these days from animals to humans to mother nature. Money is your least problem. Getting yourself to stand straight and carefully plan the next stage of your life WITHOUT your child is, personally, more important now.

2 years down the road, you will realise only when you are financially capable and mentally prepared first then you may consider what is best for child. Now you cant even take care of yourself, u may end up ending it all with him.

Harsh words. I sincerely apologise. But i have seen ugly long drawn emotional and mental fights between ex parents of child or children. The kid/kiddos ALWAYS lose.

Just my tots

Take care. Dun "beg" for monies for such. If the child is better off with your ex, perhaps u need to consider accepting this arrangement. He's your child forever, he's made from your flesh n blood too. Be strong and i wish u well. Build up your career so that u can prove you can responsibily take care of him and his future.

Paiseh for machiam lecture. I dun want u to wallow on this path for too long.

1, I am prepare to start single parenthood and did my math I still can do it after factor in childcare and maintenance to her if not high. I still can have little loose cash at end of month.

 

2, My current debt is only housing loan and renovation loan.

 

3, I do not want to fight with her. My son will suffer in the process. When I state facts, she deny and fabricate false incidents and I was in shock, and that trouble me a lot and I lose focus on job and hammer by my boss. I am not sure I can even hold on to my job. 

 

4. Well said about I can't even take care of myself or my health. It is because my son is in her hand and I am very worry about his well being. And only law can pin her down now but I need to go through the long and painful process.

 

5. I agree with you there are a lot of scam fundraising now unless I show all my cards but I can't. She has a lot of friends and they sooner or later come across my campaign and inform her. 

 

6. I am trying to get up each time after I lost a battle with her, she successfully pin me down by using my son as she knew I love him very much. 

 

 

Thank you very much for your advise and opinion. May God bless you


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#16

Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:54 AM

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My personal bias is that unless the mother is unfit with poor maternal instinct, 80-90% of the time, the child is better off with the mother even if the father is willing.

Men can be adequate and even capable nuturers of a child, but 90% of men are not even close to that. I don't consider myself good at nuturing also. We can set direction and even be nurturing at specific moments, but for 1-2 hrs a day vs 8-9 hrs a day is very different.

 

All the best to your fight. It's a tough situation.

 


Edited by Lala81, 14 August 2019 - 08:55 AM.

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#17

Posted 14 August 2019 - 09:04 AM

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Obvious signs of psychological distress after childbirth.

 

 

 

 

Dont you think a divorce would turn things for the possible worst?

 

Go help your wife seek help. Why break up the family? Your son needs his mother at such a young age. Divorce is just a quick fix for your situation. If you care for your son's future and well being help your wife get back to her normal self first.

Tried and fail badly. Not 1 try but few try. I didn't break up my family as I want my boy to grow up with a father and mother. But she choose to break up the family and left the house. And I can no longer live with her in fear of my personal safety any longer, and I can't even protect my baby now as the baby is with her. 

 

For the record, I didn't lay a finger on her non I verbally abuse her. Not right for a man to do that in any circumstance. 


To be honest it's very difficult to believe your side of the story. Your chances of custody will be very slim. The judge will side the mother unless you have substantial prove she cannot take care of your child or not fit to do so. Right now the both of you only have words against each other. Who is the judge suspose to believe? I dont think any of us here is fit to make the call too.

 

It's not about spending how much on a lawyer. It's about what is being submitted to court to convince the judge.

 

Sad to say I do not know the details on what happen to you and your family. I wont anyhow fund ppl's divorce. It's nothing personal against you. I'm also sceptical about what kinda friends you have.  It's just that I'm not convinced.

Thanks and is not easy to convince unless I show all my cards. 

 

And yes my chance of custody is slim judging the way she lies and I have only 20% of evidence on my hand to counter all her lies. And I have hope the judge able to notice who is telling the lie in court.  I am willing to accept any punishment under the eye of law, if I commit wrong doing which will put me in jail. 


Frankly speaking, i doubt crowdfunding will works...coz this is a one sided story from your end. None of us knows ur wife or knows the whole story. And it is impossible to verify anything that is written here.

 

My suggestion is mortgage ur own house and fund the legal process urself.  

Understand on the part of one sided story. Is really up to anyone comes into this thread and believe my side of story. 

 

HDB can not mortgage. If can I will do it as I want to protect my boy. I am willing to do anything as long I am able to ensure his safety.


Edited by AFV_V200, 14 August 2019 - 09:16 AM.


#18

Posted 14 August 2019 - 09:08 AM

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Sorry... but I am not sure whether to believe your story as there are very little information or if your purpose is genuine. What is written is mostly about yourself and how bad you are at making decisions which leads to your current dire situation. To be honest, I do not see how you can be a care taker for your son IF you are awarded the custody. 

 

I am sorry as I do not mean to bash but that is what you portrayed and clearly you have no plan. 


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#19

Posted 14 August 2019 - 09:12 AM

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My personal bias is that unless the mother is unfit with poor maternal instinct, 80-90% of the time, the child is better off with the mother even if the father is willing.

Men can be adequate and even capable nuturers of a child, but 90% of men are not even close to that. I don't consider myself good at nuturing also. We can set direction and even be nurturing at specific moments, but for 1-2 hrs a day vs 8-9 hrs a day is very different.

 

All the best to your fight. It's a tough situation.

Agree. 

 

I am more on taking caring of my boy with heart and brain. But she take care of the boy with only heart. I will not go into detail and just share only 1 incident. I caught her made milk many time without testing water temperature, and my baby was lucky that the water is not hot enough to burn his throat, but is bad enough to made him cry out loud.  

 

And what happen next? I got F*** for nothing as I just trying to tell her nicely to test water temperature before making milk.  



#20

Posted 14 August 2019 - 09:28 AM

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In my limited life span, I learnt love comes in many strange ways but all meant well.

 

Let me explain.

 

When you were a child, you must gotten upset and really made with your parents for the way they treated you. You thought they were mean and what they were doing were just trying to punish you unreasonably for something wrong you did which you considered was small. As you become parent yourself you realized they all meant well. It is just we fail to see to they meant well and hope we grow up to be a fine person.

 

In a husband and wife relationship, it is NOT about marrying the perfect person. It is about living with someone whom you accept for all their flaws. You ask yourself since you got married did you really change (change as in the way your wife wants you to change - I think difficult). You may do alot of things for your wife thinking that would make her happy BUT that is NOT what really makes her happy.

 

I cannot judge you but only can listen to you and hope to make things clear for you to sort out yourself. You are the one who have to live the consequences of your decision.

 

Ask yourself, did your ex-wife or potential ex-wife stuck with you when you were in trouble or when you were really down. Any of your best friend buddy stuck with you like your wife. If that is not enough for you to forgive her misgivings then nothing can. 

 

You said she is not keen for divorce but instead it is you. If you made up your mind then nothing is going to change your decision then move forward. It is always good to make decisions when one is calmer. That sometime off, go to a beach or somewhere quiet and reflect. If you have to cry, cry out, there is no shame. It only shows you are human with a heart.

 

As for your son, often in a divorce situation, the poor kid is treated like a commodity. From my humble experience, most kids brought up by a single parents are often not quite right. When he goes to school, when teacher or friends asked him, where is his mother or father, he feels "abnormal" and he may resort to lying to cover up his feelings.

 

I am not here to convince you change your mind BUT it is a very serious decision that affects everyone's lives that is not just affecting NOW but for a long long time to come.

 

There is alot anger in your writing and can understand. I cannot judge you because I may do the same. I want to leave you with this, everybody got their good and bad sides, why some people can be very good friends despite one of them is an axxhole, often it is because these individuals focus on the good side of the friend / partner. Its never too late for anything because we just got one live, make the best of it, leave beautiful footprints on everyone you touch. You will be a happier person.

 

You are the ONLY who knows what is really going on inside your head, you are the ONLY one who determines the yours and persons two other persons future and destiny. I can only wish for you, to have the wisdom to make the right decision and live well after.

 

 

1. Divorce full lawyer fee paid and waiting for court to approve the divorce. And that was all I had and next is custody and it will take me at least 3 years to save up the amount needed. I have huge housing loan and renovation loan to serving till 2023, before I can save up more. If I wait to save up more, my case will drag for at least 5-6 years. I will miss all my boy growing path. :(

 

2. I am not trying to get even, I only state facts in my statement to court but she began to fabricating false incidents. 

 

3. If I win the custody. All is good and I have purpose to live for my son, and I more willing to let her access the boy more than what the court will allow under supervision. The way she behave I know she will intoxicating my boy when he grow if she wins custody. I will intoxicate my son, I will tell him what happen when he grow up and let him decide. I believe action speaks louder than words.

 

4. Had a talk with her with a counselor. She told me she does not want to divorce but I told her no, my trust in her was completely destroyed. I do not want to live in fear for my boy and my safety. We all know what a father/mother can do to their kids in some headline news before. I do not want even test the water or it will be too late.

 

5. Suffering is not over yet and I will suffering at least another 2-3 years in this sticky situation as she said she will contest the divorce.

 

6. I want to do it the best of everyone. I just unable to handle a wife keeps on lying and framed me. On the other hand, I never fabricate anything and only facts. I still want to believe honesty is the way to go, although 1 lawyer I spoke with told me too honest will kill myself in court. I still want to stick to my honesty.

 

7. She moved out since Apr with my boy. Still no idea where she lives as the police said unable to reveal her address.

 

8. I only want to pay what my boy needs. I don't want to pay to a woman keep on lying but I know she will still get something. 


No cheating from her. Is just I have been suffering verbal and physical abuse from her. And I never pay a finger on her, let alone I don't even dare to confront her.

 

I did not pass the mean test for probono lawyer.

 


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