In my limited life span, I learnt love comes in many strange ways but all meant well.
Let me explain.
When you were a child, you must gotten upset and really made with your parents for the way they treated you. You thought they were mean and what they were doing were just trying to punish you unreasonably for something wrong you did which you considered was small. As you become parent yourself you realized they all meant well. It is just we fail to see to they meant well and hope we grow up to be a fine person.
In a husband and wife relationship, it is NOT about marrying the perfect person. It is about living with someone whom you accept for all their flaws. You ask yourself since you got married did you really change (change as in the way your wife wants you to change - I think difficult). You may do alot of things for your wife thinking that would make her happy BUT that is NOT what really makes her happy.
I cannot judge you but only can listen to you and hope to make things clear for you to sort out yourself. You are the one who have to live the consequences of your decision.
Ask yourself, did your ex-wife or potential ex-wife stuck with you when you were in trouble or when you were really down. Any of your best friend buddy stuck with you like your wife. If that is not enough for you to forgive her misgivings then nothing can.
You said she is not keen for divorce but instead it is you. If you made up your mind then nothing is going to change your decision then move forward. It is always good to make decisions when one is calmer. That sometime off, go to a beach or somewhere quiet and reflect. If you have to cry, cry out, there is no shame. It only shows you are human with a heart.
As for your son, often in a divorce situation, the poor kid is treated like a commodity. From my humble experience, most kids brought up by a single parents are often not quite right. When he goes to school, when teacher or friends asked him, where is his mother or father, he feels "abnormal" and he may resort to lying to cover up his feelings.
I am not here to convince you change your mind BUT it is a very serious decision that affects everyone's lives that is not just affecting NOW but for a long long time to come.
There is alot anger in your writing and can understand. I cannot judge you because I may do the same. I want to leave you with this, everybody got their good and bad sides, why some people can be very good friends despite one of them is an axxhole, often it is because these individuals focus on the good side of the friend / partner. Its never too late for anything because we just got one live, make the best of it, leave beautiful footprints on everyone you touch. You will be a happier person.
You are the ONLY who knows what is really going on inside your head, you are the ONLY one who determines the yours and persons two other persons future and destiny. I can only wish for you, to have the wisdom to make the right decision and live well after.
1. Divorce full lawyer fee paid and waiting for court to approve the divorce. And that was all I had and next is custody and it will take me at least 3 years to save up the amount needed. I have huge housing loan and renovation loan to serving till 2023, before I can save up more. If I wait to save up more, my case will drag for at least 5-6 years. I will miss all my boy growing path. :(
2. I am not trying to get even, I only state facts in my statement to court but she began to fabricating false incidents.
3. If I win the custody. All is good and I have purpose to live for my son, and I more willing to let her access the boy more than what the court will allow under supervision. The way she behave I know she will intoxicating my boy when he grow if she wins custody. I will intoxicate my son, I will tell him what happen when he grow up and let him decide. I believe action speaks louder than words.
4. Had a talk with her with a counselor. She told me she does not want to divorce but I told her no, my trust in her was completely destroyed. I do not want to live in fear for my boy and my safety. We all know what a father/mother can do to their kids in some headline news before. I do not want even test the water or it will be too late.
5. Suffering is not over yet and I will suffering at least another 2-3 years in this sticky situation as she said she will contest the divorce.
6. I want to do it the best of everyone. I just unable to handle a wife keeps on lying and framed me. On the other hand, I never fabricate anything and only facts. I still want to believe honesty is the way to go, although 1 lawyer I spoke with told me too honest will kill myself in court. I still want to stick to my honesty.
7. She moved out since Apr with my boy. Still no idea where she lives as the police said unable to reveal her address.
8. I only want to pay what my boy needs. I don't want to pay to a woman keep on lying but I know she will still get something.
No cheating from her. Is just I have been suffering verbal and physical abuse from her. And I never pay a finger on her, let alone I don't even dare to confront her.
I did not pass the mean test for probono lawyer.