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Lying ex-wife to be and custody


AFV_V200
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Remember someone told us he is a "NICE GUY"? so hopefully no need see new thread.... [:p]^_^

 

And hor, forget the "next" or "current", just keep to "the".... [:p][laugh][laugh]

Hahahhaha
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A lair can not keep on lying. and recollect all lies and able to string them up nicely like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

 

I tried talk to her before like I mentioned. she simply denied she ever took a knife at me, and I am unable to man up in front of her. Yes I am deem useless from my close friend as I dare not man up in front of her. For a simple reason, I have a baby boy in between us and we were living under same roof back then. Now she had left, I began to man up but that provoked her to another level. I have to stop or my baby boy...

May I suggest.. start wearing a recorder in future interactions.

Any conversation can then be discreetly taped for future dispute in court .

 

But take note, doing this will probably psychologically destroy any chance of reconciliation or peace in future. Doubly so if she catches you.

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It's a one sided story and he can spin it whatever ways he likes. Doubt the majority will donate to him.

U consperm will not donate one..

Tio boh @radx..

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Coming from an old man.. grow up la. And be a man.

 

What the hell happened to our NS? Come out this kind of product?

Edited by BenTong
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After reading the pages., I gave it a thought and question myself what would I do if I am in TS shoe. 

 

In short, 

The unexplained outburst from the spouse meant she herself is undergoing a crisis and the least I could do is stay by her side in support, let alone divorcing her and having the child to bear the consequences.

 

Till death do us part, is my promise to her and will do anything possible to keep that. 

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Let us give you the benefit of doubt.

 

I hear alot from you and it seems to me you are verbalizing all the "pains" you have gone through to justify your actions and perhaps even to re-inforce why you must go through the "fight" be it custody or etc.

 

It seems you are going through an emotional roller coaster and you are hoping for one "true success" or "score" to prove something.

 

Yes, it is very painful knowing that people lie but sometimes they may be NOT exactly lying because it all about perspective. I say you are handsome but down right you know you are the ulgiest thing that God has ever made. I lied to protect your feelings. Is this lie a good or bad thing? In a relationship, however, sometimes, people lie because they cannot accept what is happening. Sometimes people lie to protect everyone. Give you another example: you may want the divorce so badly but your wife or ex-wife may not want. Because she still loves you and know that is what you so badly, she lied you make you not only dislike her but hate her so that your resolute to divorce is firm up. This is a true story from a couple many years ago. It was after a span of more than 15 or 20 years later, the husband learn the truth, then it was just too late, he visited her to apologize and kneeing asking for forgiveness every year, it was at her grave. 

 

If you have already made up your mind about the divorce, why keep re-televised your unhappy experience with your wife or ex-wife over and over again in your head. 

 

Marriage is your choice and should have nothing to do with your relatives. You know exactly what I meant as they were not instrument in producing your son. So don't go blaming or using them to justify your action.

 

Ask yourself your actions? You said it was because of your presence and to spite you, she harm the baby. Now that you are no longer in her presence what the provocation is lost. So no need for you to worry.

 

You are "playing up" your own worries for your son to justify the need to get hold of custody of your son. You must be truthful too that in no small part is "revenge" to get even. You gave the example of hot water without testing before giving to your son. Well you know she is a first time mother right. There are worst moms around despite their great love for their child. These things can be thought. 

 

You have to realized bringing up a child is a join effort. Not everything must go by your way or her way because the child has only 50% of each of your genes. So sometimes you have to close one eye on occasion you need to close two eyes and pretend you cannot see.

 

You have to stop torturing yourself and trying to brainwash yourself that your wife or ex-wife is a hopeless mother. You know being a mother is an on the job training. Furthermore if there is anything untowards it would have picked up by the social workers or other professional bodies including the judge. So rest assured she "had been screened". Don't take these professional to be dumb because they general can see through lies.

 

To the judge, what difference is there if you lie or she lie when the lies are there to help secure a definite divorce. Regardless you still need to pay maintenance that is the law until she becomes gainfully employed or married of or you become a complete bankrupt without income. 

 

How it finally end between the three of you, remember you are one but of the three, and you are one of the three capable of ending this well or ending with multi-scaring on everyone. The choice is yours.

 

A friendly advice, a stable and good ending is best for your case when there is a child involved. Otherwise you are making your own live miserable and your child may turn out to hate the two of you and not just one of you. Each of you poisoning each other to him will turn him into a social misfit thinking that relationships are all f-uped. Don't believe go ask your lawyer, social worker or even the judge. 

 

I think I wrote enough and this is not the place to seek advice, you need the wisdom and maturity to move forward. Easier said than done BUT if you don't put in effort to try, you are likely to screw up the same person you are trying to protect.

Thank you. Whatever my wife did incorrectly on caring an infant, I never scold her a single time. I always explain to reason why this and that, but I got scolded by her when I even accidentally spill milk. I simply got scold for everything about taking care of infant in a wrong way by her. I just suck it all up. 

 

I never poison her and I never fabricate any false incident and state only facts and whatever happen before between us. She just keep bombarding me. 

 

And it looks like I have to suffer if I want to end it well, because I have to suck up every lies from her. My boy is innocent, he should not have go through this. My health must come first so I can ensure my boy have food to eat and cloths to wear, and I must have a job to provide all these. 

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Bro, I'm not trying to be funny here, but from above post, I suggest both you n your wife go for some serious counselling, if not psychiatric treatment. This is for the sake of the child. Either one of you get custody also not beneficial to child. Sorry if I have to say both of you are potentially not in a healthy mental state at current, with thoughts of ending your lives. Perhaps both of you are struggling with parenthood, differences in expectations, and probably financial issues. I pray both of you can overcome this trying period, amen.

 

Perhaps you may wish to talk to your wife without the child around during daytime in a quieter setting outside. I think such setting in daytime elevates the mood somehow and is more likely to prevent negative thoughts from coming into mind. God bless.

She left the house with baby since Apr. I tried with a counselor and her, it doesn't work. 

 

I will not disagree with you, there are chance my boy may place under a foster family. I would be surprise with such outcome with she said I unfit and I said she unfit. Is very bad between us. 

May I suggest.. start wearing a recorder in future interactions.

Any conversation can then be discreetly taped for future dispute in court .

 

But take note, doing this will probably psychologically destroy any chance of reconciliation or peace in future. Doubly so if she catches you.

I hear you and you are right. But I have to protect myself as she lies shamefully without blinking her eye.

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From my personal experience a woman will not want to destroy a family and divorce is really an last option. She will try whatever she can to do the family together. I done many wrongs in the past and my wife still with me. Yes divorce was mentioned previously.

 

Seeing a counselor is like seeing a doctor, heng suay thing.. even now I seeing a MSF conselor as part of my daughter probation.. i find the session not fruitful.

 

Every family is different, every case is different, honestly from my experience only both of you know the best. Your friend will side u, her friend will side her. Some add salt and pepper while others waiting to see things happen.

 

Being a parents is always a learning experience for both. I got 3 kids eldest is 19 years old and I am still learning.

 

Give each other space.. moving out maybe good of all for now.. once things cool maybe you can start to notice this is part of a family building process.

 

Don't rush to things. Just let time take its role.

 

I will not be the best to offer advise. All the best. 

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From my personal experience a woman will not want to destroy a family and divorce is really an last option. She will try whatever she can to do the family together. I done many wrongs in the past and my wife still with me. Yes divorce was mentioned previously.

 

Seeing a counselor is like seeing a doctor, heng suay thing.. even now I seeing a MSF conselor as part of my daughter probation.. i find the session not fruitful.

 

Every family is different, every case is different, honestly from my experience only both of you know the best. Your friend will side u, her friend will side her. Some add salt and pepper while others waiting to see things happen.

 

Being a parents is always a learning experience for both. I got 3 kids eldest is 19 years old and I am still learning.

 

Give each other space.. moving out maybe good of all for now.. once things cool maybe you can start to notice this is part of a family building process.

 

Don't rush to things. Just let time take its role.

 

I will not be the best to offer advise. All the best. 

Thanks pal. I have to divorce. I simply unable to take anymore risk because I don't know when she will take a knife at me again and I unable to live with fear anymore. I know the biggest victim is my boy and I feel sorry for him. 

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A man must be the captain and leader of a marriage. When a marriage fails, inevitably both parties are at fault. It's only the degree of fault one is willing to admit.

 

What would make a woman take out a knife to threaten her husband?

 

Why would a normal man air grievances about his wife on an open, anonymous platform?

 

What are the steps taken to salvage the relationship at each and every part of the slope?

 

A lot of times, the answers are staring at us in the face. But avoid these answers, and the next marriage or relationship is going to end up the same.

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Thanks pal. I have to divorce. I simply unable to take anymore risk because I don't know when she will take a knife at me again and I unable to live with fear anymore. I know the biggest victim is my boy and I feel sorry for him.

Only u alone can resolve this.

 

She can take a knife on u even when you are divorced.

 

She can harm your boy anytime she visits, assuming she is given visitation rights.

 

How will divorce solve this? And how is your boy less a victim? Less stab wounds or less milk given?

 

Will feeling sorry then helps?

 

You have locked yourself in a mental room without key. Not no key but u refuse to go out of that locked room. Key is in your hand but u refused to open the door.

 

Do seek help medically. No taboo. Brain is an organ of the human body and no less important than our hearts or kidneys or lungs etc.

 

That's a first step. If u want and are willing. Otherwise u torment yourself with real and false fears. U will not be safe with your son too. I am afraid u will be a coward and bring him along.

 

Keep innocent kid out of adults' mess pls.

 

Sorry. I am harsh. But u need no pampering at this stage. Please do the right thing. Calm down and talk with a professional counsellor. Best if your soon to be ex wife attend too.

 

Dun force the future. Some things one must let go. Some things one must change. Some things will come when its time such as death. But pls dun be stubborn.

 

Haiz. We wish u well ya. Take care.

 

Safe ride

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It's hard to resolve such issues over an online forum. Seek help and guidance from your family and friends, as they know you better. 

 

Meanwhile, suggest TS to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. 

 

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So your plan is to raise lots of money. Spend all of what you have to contest and get custody of your child which may take a few years and bang!!!! When the kid is about 2 or 3 years old you somehow managed to gain custody and grab him away from his mother????

 

Seriously dude...... I am no judge but you can go high court whatever family court or appeal court etc..... your chance is next to zero.

 

The interest and welfare of the child always comes first to the judge.

You win, your child lose.

 

Go figure.

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U consperm will not donate one..

Tio boh @radx..

Confirm wun donate one lah...if donate limpeh tok ah.

 

But confirm this guys will donate lotsa LJ posts & prata is his fav food.

 

History has proven what a crapper this guy is & he has created clone nicks just in case as well. Haha..

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Oh well.......Starting fire again? Too bad you will fail this time.

Confirm wun donate one lah...if donate limpeh tok ah.

But confirm this guys will donate lotsa LJ posts & prata is his fav food.

History has proven what a crapper this guy is & he has created clone nicks just in case as well. Haha..

 

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Frankly speaking, i doubt crowdfunding will works...coz this is a one sided story from your end. None of us knows ur wife or knows the whole story. And it is impossible to verify anything that is written here.

 

My suggestion is mortgage ur own house and fund the legal process urself.  

It may work for some people who do not check what the course they are taking. Donation is mainly for charity purposes. I think donate to help break up a family is morally unacceptable! 

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Won't donate lah. Who are we to decide the child should go to the father or the mother. Donate means you support the child go to the father.  Taking neutral stand here since we don't know either of them.

Edited by Ender
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