Jump to content

When suppressed feelings arise

When suppressed feelings arise

jeresinex

2,258 views

"Don't keep it bottled up inside" is a saying many of us are familiar with. By now, most of us are aware that ignoring your emotions is an unhealthy practice. Yet many of us do it anyway.

I don't think I'm particularly stoic, but as I get older, I've realised that I do tend to not express how I'm feeling, and that this practice has led to anxiety.

One example of this happened just a few weeks ago. Prior to this year's Motor Show, I had trouble sleeping. I would keep waking up with my mind racing. Worse, I even dreamt about work.

As I reflected on what was troubling me, I realised that it wasn't the Motor Show per se. It was me picturing the work that had to be done.

charlesdeluvio-resized.thumb.jpg.e8a25cfd0c08cebfffd8c5af21131376.jpg

Image: charlesdeluvio, Unsplash

Small steps

In my previous post, I talked about how tidying up my study became much easier after I split the room into three areas to simplify the process.

In this case, I was picturing the event, post-event and following week as one enormous task to be taken on all at once. My mind began planning everything from meeting industry friends and acquaintances to cars to check out to the stories I'd have to write.

Then I also mentally mapped the social media aspects (and angles).

Therein lay the problem: I was looking at it as a single task, when I should have remembered all along that it's really several smaller assignments to be progressively completed.

arny-mogensen-resized.thumb.jpg.f08dc9901bafb89b752203779271072c.jpg

This writer is learning to decompress before the stress gets the better of him. Image: Arny Mogensen, Unsplash

Voicing it out

Voicing out my feelings is something I'm still working on. This isn't about complaining or giving feedback, because there's plenty of that five days a week in the office.

It's about expressing what's swirling around inside when I'm troubled by something. Perhaps, in this aspect, I am stoic. Nobody taught me to bury my emotions, keep silent and soldier on. It's just in my nature.

So, during a casual conversation with my better half, I admitted, "I am anxious about the Motor Show, and I keep thinking about the work involved."

Right after saying that, I immediately felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders and my mood improving. I began to relax. The relief was as welcome as it was amazing.

Another realisation

During my nine years at my previous company, I was still in the same role and doing mostly the same things, but the difference was the culture. My boss then, as kind-hearted as he is, is a perfectionist. He is also a man of few words.

If you think that sounds toxic, I assure you that it isn't. People have their own ways of doing things. Not everyone can be as communicative as you expect. Some might even opine that I shouldn't expect anything more than my salary for doing my job.

Anyway, I reflected on all this and realised that stress aside, I also had to deal - or not deal with - the unknown: Was I doing well or was I terrible? Or am I doing all right since I'm no longer being lectured?

This uncertainty led to a lack of confidence. During the annual appraisal period would my boss tell me, "You know you won't remain a writer forever, right?"

Without any words of encouragement or pats on the back it could have easily meant, "You won't be here much longer." So, I figured, keep quiet and keep working.

al-elmes-ULHxWq8reao-resized.thumb.jpg.95a610609a76afd326ffcba1ef8ec47d.jpg

Picturing the finish line is a great way to stay focussed on your goals. Image: Al Elmes, Unsplash

Self-learning

It was another colleague who opened my eyes when he told me that my boss actually has a lot of confidence in me. I asked him for proof. He highlighted that every month, on FTP Day, my editor tells me to "see it through" and leaves the office mid-afternoon.

In magazine publishing, FTP or 'files to printer' date, is the deadline for submitting the last few outstanding files. Failure to do so means your issue's delivery date is delayed.

Being tasked to see it through is a huge responsibility. And if there were any mistakes, my boss would have to answer for them. But back then, I was too busy, too stressed, and too immature to appreciate what it meant.

That was over a decade ago and I'm only coming to terms with all this now. Is it age? Maybe it's also perspective, because looking back is when you see how far you've come. Anyway, the good news is that as these old feelings resurface, I learn something new from them.

Voicing out my inner troubles doesn't mean complaining at every turn. It means acknowledging that something is bothering me and that I need to talk about it instead of bottling it up inside.

I still do what's needed to get the job done. The difference is that today, when I feel tense or overwhelmed, I know to press the 'Pause' button, breathe, talk to someone and revisit my plan of attack.

Main image: Drew Taylor, Unsplash




1 Comment


Recommended Comments

When suppressed feelings arise, it's important to find healthy ways to address and process them. For thoughtful discussions and resources on managing emotions and personal growth, explore Eyexcon.com.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • A sole-ful tribute

    Car enthusiasts are an emotional bunch. So, I naturally develop feelings for things on wheels, be it four wheels or two. However, I was surprised to discover that I had become attached to my old pair of sneakers, whose soles are so worn that it hurts to wear them.  That is the unequivocal signal to retire them. But I must say "Thank you" before bidding them goodbye. The laceless design is convenient, saving time when you need to rush off in the morning Through thick and

    jeresinex

    jeresinex

    Disconnecting from Our Virtual Reality

    Recently, I had a scare at work. My laptop was suddenly unable to access the Internet despite working fine the entire day. A check with IT showed that the browser I was using, Arc, had somehow triggered the Falcon cybersecurity program, which promptly locked down my laptop despite the browser having worked fine for almost a year at that point. While I thankfully had cleared out my video backlog before it happened (most of them pending approval, a couple ready to publish), I was unable

    hollowataraxia

    hollowataraxia

    Cleaning is relaxing?

    Every once in awhile, I find myself watching 20-minute long videos on Youtube on something that most people will probably find quite bizarre: Carpet cleaning videos.  (This video has 5.4m views!!!!) It's... a particular kind of Youtube rabbit hole. I concede that.  However, I must say that I find such videos strangely relaxing and soothing. Beyond the ASMR component of it, I do find something quite nice about the specificity and particularity of such videos, and in some

    bobthemob

    bobthemob

    Titan's Fall: Back to Square One

    Manchester United have once again signalled a restart with the sacking of Ten Hag, and just days later, announced the appointment of Ruben Amorim, who will join midway through the first half of the current season from Sporting Lisbon. Back to square one yet again for the Red Devils who, despite being one of the most successful clubs in England and biggest clubs in the world, have not won a league title since Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement in 2013. Since then, they’ve gone through a whole ho

    chrissyc

    chrissyc

×
×
  • Create New...