Sharing of Good Jokes

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What does walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and having an 80 year old woman give you a blow job have in common?
You just have to remember one thing --- Don`t look down!

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Three guys were challenged by a girl who said, "Whoever can make me scream the most gets $100.
The white guy goes in and comes back out in a half hour and says, "Damn! I just couldn`t make Her scream."
The black guy goes in for an hour but comes out saying, "Man, it is just not possible!"
Finally the Chinese guy goes in with a smile on his face. He returns after 10 minutes and forty screams.
Both the other guys say, "How in Hell did you do that?"
"Me play old trick," he says, "put hot sauce on my poker!

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A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
"So did anything happen?"

"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?"
says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."

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Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

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There were two guys that played charades every week, betting big money. Tom always seemed to win, and Joe always lost. Joe planned and planned, and came up with what he thought was the perfect way to win back His money.
The day came to bet, and Joe brought in seven naked women. He placed them so that the first one had her back to Tom, the second was facing him, the third with her back to him, the fourth facing him, and the last three with their backs to him. Guess that one! he exclaimed, triumphantly.
Ah, that?s easy, the William Tell Overture, responded Tom.
How did you guess? asked Joe. Rump titty rump titty rump rump rump!

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Did you hear why the fag put His ass in the refrigerator?
So that His boyfriend would have something cool to slip into when he came home.

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Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."
"Good idea," she says.
"While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir," says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

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What did the pussy say to the dick?
Lets hook up.

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On their way home after celebrating their 25th. anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening. "OH. It's not over yet", says he. Once in the house, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, "But what are these two little pills? "Aspirin", says he.
"But I don't have a headache," says she.
"There you are, I told you the evening wasn't over yet," says he.

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George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn`t leaving the house.
George`s Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.
George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: "Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"
Bill, George`s best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."
So, when drunk ass George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George`s wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: "Oh, That`s from the guy who shit in my pants."

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Why is pubic hair curly?
So you don`t poke your eyes out!

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Olga, the Danish chambermaid at the Catskill mountain hotel, was constantly being chased by Hirshberg, one of the guests. Every time he got near her, she ran away from him.
One day he grabbed the pretty Dane and whispered his sexual request in Her ear.
To his amazement, she agreed to meet him in his room that night.
"If you`re willing," said the man, "why did you keep running away from me?"
"Well," said the Danish girl, "all time I tink you vant extra towel!"

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A man was relaxing in His back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio.
As he chilled out, His wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced.
The man`s next-door neighbor saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, "You pathetic excuse for a man! You`re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass. You should be bloody well hung."
"I am." the man shouts back. "That`s why she`s doing the grass."

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John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly.
"I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said.
"Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."

"Yeah," John answered.
"But I got mine pregnant."

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One day at the office, Michael ran into Dick by the water cooler. Normally Dick who is young, single is energetic all day, but that day he looked beat.
"Hey Dick! How's it going?"
asked Michael.
"I'm not feeling too good today. In fact, I'm utterly exhausted," answered Dick.
"I pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."
"What's a pulled muscle got to do with you feel so tired?"
Michael asked.
"A pulled muscle doesn't make you tired!"
Dick yawned and said, "It sure does if you pull it five hundred times in one night!"

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A guy goes running into a sex shop to return His blow-up doll.
He says to the owner, "Excuse me, but I blew this doll up last night and straight away she went down on me. I want my $50 back."
The owner says, "Hell, if I'd have known she was going to do that, I'd have charged you $75!"

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What`s green and red?
A very mad frog.

 

What`s green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!

 

What`s green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!

 

What`s black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.

 

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad!

 

What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it!

 

How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.

 

What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A rubbit!

 

Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.

 

What happened to the frog`s car when his parking meter expired?
It got toad!

 

What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!

 

What`s green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill

 

What is a frogs favorite time?
Leap Year!

 

Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.

 

Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn`t... he jumped.
Why did the frog cross the street?
Because the chicken crossed the road.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To see what the chicken was doing.

 

Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

 

How do you confuse a frog?
Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.

 

How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.

 

What did the frog say to the fly?
You are really starting to bug me!

 

What does a frog say when it sees something` great?
Toadly awesome!

 

What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn`t matter- he won`t come anyway.

 

What do you call a frog with legs?
Dinner.

 

What did one frog say to another?
You`re such a WART!

 

Why did the frog croak?
Because he ate a poisonous fly!

 

What is a frog`s favorite game?
Croaket

 

What did the frog order at McDonald`s?
French flies and a diet Croak

 

Why did the frog go to the hospital?
He needed a "hopperation" !

 

What is the thirstiest frog in the world?
The one who drinks Canada Dry!

 

What`s red and green and goes 175 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.

 

What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits!

 

What does a bankrupt frog say?
"Baroke, baroke, baroke."

 

What has more lives that a cat?
A frog that goes croak every night.

 

Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Why are frogs such liars?
Because they are amFIBians

 

How can you tell a frog doesn`t have ears?
They don`t move when a car is coming toward them.

 

What did the frog do after it heard a funny joke?
It started to croak up!