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Yes, it's about the ang bao. How couples decide to celebrate their big day is none of my business. What does concern me is how ang baos have evolved from token amounts to formal/official gifts whose amounts depend on the venue. I recall one of my colleagues at my previous company asking if I - and my wife - would attend his wedding. I was genuinely happy for him and forgot about my bank account. Without a second thought, I said yes. Weeks later, I received my invitation to the lunch reception. I wasn't worried at first since it was on a Saturday, and not in a five-star hotel. On the Friday before the event, some other colleagues who were also invited asked me how much I was planning to give. "I dunno. $100? You think that's enough?" This was when I was first introduced to the concept of the ang bao rate guide, which is published on several sites. Once upon a time, the amount was decided by the giver. Today, there are rate guides. But are they transparent? (Image: Jeremy) Who the hell determines these rates anyway? To the casual observer, it seems like a conspiracy. Unless of course, somebody did a lot of legwork to find the cost of a banquet at various hotels. But what then? Compute the cost per table and divide it by ten to get an individual amount? There are other factors that these so-called guides don't take into consideration. What if the couple is only using half the ballroom? Or what if the venue gave them a special discount? These rates are arbitrary at best. Seems like a conspiracy to me. After browsing three sites, I found the rate for a Saturday lunch reception at Chijmes back then was $150 per pax. That "yes" cost me $300. Pre-pandemic, $300 was enough for groceries for a month. Or petrol for two months (I was driving a kei car then). The cost wouldn't bankrupt me, but it stung, nonetheless. About a year later, my wife was invited to her colleague's wedding. When she told me, I asked her if she said no. Unfortunately, she also made the mistake of saying yes before remembering the ang bao. Her jaw dropped when she discovered that a Saturday dinner reception at W Singapore was $450. (Image: Thomas Beaman, Unsplash) The lesson Following these experiences, I resolved to only say yes to close friends. If not, I ask when the wedding is before mentioning that I'd have to check with my spouse because we might be travelling that month. Is this dishonest? In a way, yes. But not committing to attending signals to the inviter that I might not be available (hey, everything is 50-50, right?). Think of it as managing expectations. Besides, if I'm not a close friend to begin with, I won't feel guilty about not attending. There's no need to feel bad about being a seat-filler.