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How many of us can claim to be good listeners? I've come to realise that listening is an art. Think of all the people you've ever spoken to who is a 'good listener'. Apart from your friends, these folks are most likely doctors, counsellors, customer service reps, and yes, even barbers and hairstylists. Listening with an open mind does not come naturally to everyone. I feel it requires a genuine desire to hear the other person's perspectives and opinions without judgment. Only then will the other person feel secure talking to you. Being physically or emotionally vulnerable is scary. We don't let our guard down unless we can be sure that the conversation is confidential. We also won't do it if we know the other person doesn't listen. Needless to say, dozing off while your friend is confiding in you is unforgivable. Tell them if you're too tired and offer to speak to them at another time. 'Interviewing' skills Listening takes a lot out of the listener, for you must concentrate on what is being said. Get distracted for a moment and it makes the other person feel unimportant. Conducting interviews has helped me become a better listener. During these sessions, my task is to let the interviewee say as much as they can, while asking the right questions to glean more details or information. Interviewees must be put at ease. The more comfortable they are, the more they are likely to share. Conversely, a nervous interviewee will say little, and the story will be mildly interesting, if you're lucky. Offer solutions when asked, not before. (Image: Headway, Unsplash) It's not easy When friends confide, it's not always to brainstorm to seek a solution to an issue. Often, it's simply to talk about their problem/s. Over the years, I've realised the best move during such conversations is to listen quietly without making any suggestions. That's easier said than done, though. When someone tells us they're going through a rough patch, our first instinct is to suggest practical solutions. We want to help our friends resolve whatever they're facing as soon as possible. But our advice, no matter how sound, may not be what your friend needs at that moment. Dishing out advice before your counsel is sought isn't wrong, but you might make the other person feel stupid. It's more prudent to be a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Remaining quiet, sitting and listening patiently are not easy skills to learn. But they are worth the effort it takes to master them, for in the end, we become better friends. – Jeremy (Main image: Aarón Blanco Tejedor, Unsplash)