Shouting LOUDLY at very young kids

[Espresso]

i think just raising the voice and changing the tone is different from real shouting.

 

real aggressive shouting is quite bad, it's the prelude to a very serious negative event.

 

Yup totally agree with you on that!

[Espresso]

if your older kid bash your younger kid, will you shout?

 

I will wonder why he is doing that and try to find out. Was it because he feels a lack of attention from me and he can't express it other than hitting his younger bro. Was it because he is unhappy and vent it on his brother. Do adults around him behave in such a manner too?

 

The what you will do at that very moment is not as important is the why it happens and how you can solve the issue at the root. The problem is not about the kiddo hitting the younger bro..the problem is why he hits his younger brother.

[Mustank]

I will wonder why he is doing that and try to find out. Was it because he feels a lack of attention from me and he can't express it other than hitting his younger bro. Was it because he is unhappy and vent it on his brother.

 

Ans: He is unhappy the younger kid doesnt want to comply with his insturctions to play in a certain manner.

 

Do adults around him behave in such a manner too?

 

Ans: No.

 

The what you will do at that very moment is not as important is the why it happens and how you can solve the issue at the root. The problem is not about the kiddo hitting the younger bro..the problem is why he hits his younger brother.

 

Ans: He is unhappy the younger kid doesnt want to comply with his insturctions to play in a certain manner.

 

 

[Espresso]

I will wonder why he is doing that and try to find out. Was it because he feels a lack of attention from me and he can't express it other than hitting his younger bro. Was it because he is unhappy and vent it on his brother.

 

Ans: He is unhappy the younger kid doesnt want to comply with his insturctions to play in a certain manner.

 

Do adults around him behave in such a manner too?

 

Ans: No.

 

The what you will do at that very moment is not as important is the why it happens and how you can solve the issue at the root. The problem is not about the kiddo hitting the younger bro..the problem is why he hits his younger brother.

 

Ans: He is unhappy the younger kid doesnt want to comply with his insturctions to play in a certain manner.

 

On a side note bro, your loving r/s with your wife will be a good influence on your 2 kids. What I will do...is make the kiddo have 'wall reflection time'. Go to one corner, cannot speak cannot play just stand there for say 10 mins. and I will tell the kiddo to spend the time to reflect on what he did and tell me where did he do wrong. If answer is wrong, go stand another 5 minutes. If still wrong answer, I will explain and him let go back and play.

[KARTer]

ya, then these kids grow up like the father lor... same same...

At least SAF can choose one of these loud-mouths as NDP commander in about 18yrs' time...

[KARTer]

On a side note bro, your loving r/s with your wife will be a good influence on your 2 kids. What I will do...is make the kiddo have 'wall reflection time'. Go to one corner, cannot speak cannot play just stand there for say 10 mins. and I will tell the kiddo to spend the time to reflect on what he did and tell me where did he do wrong. If answer is wrong, go stand another 5 minutes. If still wrong answer, I will explain and him let go back and play.

I will use your method of 'silent wall'. this will be my first choice in training/disciplining my kids. the young ones need the opportunity to start thinking and sort things out in their own simple way, and grow from there.

[Jamesc]

Shouting at kids will just make them deaf.

 

then next time they cannot hear properly

 

and need to shout at them more.

 

Stupig parents.

 

[Mustank]

On a side note bro, your loving r/s with your wife will be a good influence on your 2 kids. What I will do...is make the kiddo have 'wall reflection time'. Go to one corner, cannot speak cannot play just stand there for say 10 mins. and I will tell the kiddo to spend the time to reflect on what he did and tell me where did he do wrong. If answer is wrong, go stand another 5 minutes. If still wrong answer, I will explain and him let go back and play.

 

Bro, sometime beh tahan. if small bully, i dont step in. i need the small kid to learn to defend himself. cannot expect anyone to step on for him. i know i can go berserk, so usually i choose to go away and cool off and let my wife handle.....

[Espresso]

Bro, sometime beh tahan. if small bully, i dont step in. i need the small kid to learn to defend himself. cannot expect anyone to step on for him. i know i can go berserk, so usually i choose to go away and cool off and let my wife handle.....

 

Of cos bro, we are only humans

 

For me I tend to be overly protective. Sometimes I need to force myself to take a few steps back...kids do need small falls and knocks to grow up. My kiddo used to get bullied in school...but since then I have taught my kiddo that it's important to defend oneself...taught my kiddo what are the way to counter bully. Have to say it took awhile but now my kiddo doesn't get bullied anymore...or rather no one really dare to anymore

[Jrage]

Of course it's none of my business, your kid your business...your kid, not my business.

 

But enough said, my heart ached a little when I saw 2 parents shouting very LOUDLY at a very very young kid who is at most 3 years old. Is this the correct way to teach a young little one? The father continued to shout loudly in the carpark and bang the door really loud and zzzzzooooooooooooooom off very fast.

 

I have a little one myself and YES, even little ones listen to reasonings. If you can't reason out with your little one, it's because you do not communicate much with your kid...and communication with little ones is very important in building logical thinking and reasoning skills.

 

I hope young parents here set a good example and do not resort to shouting. Yes it's important to firm, but you do not have to loud till the whole estate can hear you. It's counterproductive and it shows what lousy parents you are.

 

 

I guess parenting is a learn process. Most parents dont know how to be parents.. and are just trying to figure a way with their children. I think the impt thing is that these parents start to read up and learn more abt parenting. Seriously, there is no right and wrong , even if they are shouting..

 

Lousy parents are parents who bring up useless/ immoral kids.

[Roh96]

I never raise my voice with my kiddo...not even once. And my kiddo belongs to the better behaved ones in school.

 

The kid learns about love, if you show love to the kid.

The kid learns about patience, if you show patience to the kid

The kid learns about compassion, if you show kindness to the kid

The kid learns about empathy, if you often put yourself in the shoes of your kid

The kid learns about respect, if you listen to what your kid has to say without brushing your kid off

 

I am not sure what the kid can learn from parents who are always shouting and shouting. Hmm loud loud win already?

 

U are steady. Let me ask u how u react in situation like

 

1) Refuse to buckle up in the car

2) Fight and cry in the car, u are the driver and the only adult in the car and u got to handle 2 of them. Elder one refuse to give in to younger. Ur car is stuck in morning heavy traffic, u are rushing to send them to cargiver's place.

3) Dash across the road despite u telling them not to. Refuse to let u hold their hands.

4) U bring them to shopping, they want to buy toys and refuse to leave the shop. Cry and throw tantrum.

5) Elder one push younger one, causing younger one to fall and cry.

6) Ur kid is rude to u. U ask them to do A, they do B, tell them 2nd time, 3rd time...still nothing works.

7)

8)

 

The list goes on...but these are just some examples which can really short your fuse and make u go crazy. Not just 1 day hor, is everyday got to face the same thing again and again.

 

 

 

 

 

[Espresso]

I guess parenting is a learn process. Most parents dont know how to be parents.. and are just trying to figure a way with their children. I think the impt thing is that these parents start to read up and learn more abt parenting. Seriously, there is no right and wrong , even if they are shouting..

 

Lousy parents are parents who bring up useless/ immoral kids.

 

Shouting at a young age...is prelude to violence later in life. Just my opinion

[Roh96]

Shouting at a young age...is prelude to violence later in life. Just my opinion

 

Not true lah. My parents shout at me when i was young and naughty...but i still grow up to be a good man.

[Jrage]

Shouting at a young age...is prelude to violence later in life. Just my opinion

 

Just give the parents a break lor.. sometimes, there are other things in life that make ppl very "angry".

At least, the parents are taking care of the kids.. not stuff them with nanny's or grandparents...

 

I know of parents that dun really care abt their kids.. busy with their own life/gf/bf...

These are the worst parents.

Actually, if parents "love" their children.. no matter if they are screaming and shouting at them.. I feel that the children will is better off than parents that care less abt them.

It's those that "dun have parents " that will end up violent.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Jrage

[Roh96]

Raising voice and using cane as disciplinary actions, i think is okay. But abusing it too much is no good. It will end up child abuse and have negative impact on their development.

[Itsec]

Shouting once to catch the kid's attention is one thing...and maybe fine even...but shouting on and on and on...i don't know what purpose it serve.

 

I am able to successfully reason out with my kiddo from 2 years old onwards...even if I do scold (never shouting, just firm voice), I will explain why I scold. Of course my kiddo do throw temper at times (well my wife still do it at her age!!!) but I always make her repeat to me why it's important to do certain things when my kiddo has cool down. A lot of parents do not realise that kids nowadays are very smart, they do understand what you are saying even if they cant articulate properly.

 

We all need to learn to be extra patient...and I still tell my wife often..."You must learnt to be patient with the kiddo". A kid whose parent show patiences and communicate well with them will grow up very different from parents who are prone to anger and shouting.

 

Just my opinion :)

 

Appreciated your kinds advises but i dont 'buy' that. Perhaps, i'm stubborn. I want my kids to grow up disciplined and well-mannered. She have to greet people, learn to share whether she like it or not, and must study, and learn thru play but no iphone, ipad whatever thingy...

 

Nowadays, i dont need to cane her and i just stare at her.... and she knows what to do... I will praise her when she do it right.. the only thing is she dont like to write chinese characters... apart from that, she listen to me all the times.. However, there are times i have to resort of using cane when she refuse to write chinese characters... She will still finish it but cry behind my back...

 

I do understand one day she can become rebellious, turn against me and leave the home, never come back when grow up. I'm fully prepared for that. If she know my intentions, I'm happy. If not, so be it...

 

Surprisingly, she very 'sticky' towards me....till sometimes i become very annoyed..

 

 

[Espresso]

U are steady. Let me ask u how u react in situation like

 

1) Refuse to buckle up in the car

2) Fight and cry in the car, u are the driver and the only adult in the car and u got to handle 2 of them. Elder one refuse to give in to younger. Ur car is stuck in morning heavy traffic, u are rushing to send them to cargiver's place.

3) Dash across the road despite u telling them not to. Refuse to let u hold their hands.

4) U bring them to shopping, they want to buy toys and refuse to leave the shop. Cry and throw tantrum.

5) Elder one push younger one, causing younger one to fall and cry.

6) Ur kid is rude to u. U ask them to do A, they do B, tell them 2nd time, 3rd time...still nothing works.

7)

8)

 

The list goes on...but these are just some examples which can really short your fuse and make u go crazy. Not just 1 day hor, is everyday got to face the same thing again and again.

 

I am still learning how to be a parent and I think other bros here may be more experienced.

 

I talk a lot to my kid. And I explain a lot. Follow by more explanation and reasoning. Like the refuse to buckle up in the car used to happen to me. Took awhile to rectify this. I explain...and explain a lot about why it's important to buckle up. And I will explain in graphical terms with hand demostration on what will happen if my kiddo doesn't buckle up when there is an accident. And when that happens, what are the favourite pass time that my kiddo cannot do when injured. I will not drive till my kiddo is buckle up and even if my kiddo cries..I will let it be. But I will explain later why buckle up is important. Do it 1 times, 10 times, 20 times, 30 times and the kiddo will get it. Repetition is good.

 

Maybe it's because my wife's temper is bad and she flare up easily...even with our kiddo. So I force myself to have little or almost no temper. And with my kiddo, I dont recall getting angry even once.

[Cars08]

It differs from different kids...when my wife teaches my child who is 5 simple maths, my child refused to learn... when I took over, show a stern look, raise my voice, bang the table if my child tries to be funny... my child pick up those problem sums within 10-15 mins...the rest are history....

 

I do not need to repeat myself when I told my elder child do homework... read the entire chinese book to me...or write music notes.... ...of couse, I adopt both soft and hard approach depending on situation....

 

I believe in setting right the expectation with my kids... when daddy is around, no nonsense... daddy is opened to negotiation and daddy is there to encourage and teach... but daddy dun like spoilt n naughty children....

 

When I woke my kids up in the morning...I dun need to drag them up...1-2 command, all will wake up and match to the washroom.... I consider my methodology a success and my kids behave themselves in public.... so when I see other kids shouting and screaming their head off, I wonder why didnt the parents instill discipline in them...

 

When it come to disciplining my child, my wife and in-laws cannot intervene as I disallowed them and they know my style...call me a tyrant if u want...but I believe in strict discipline and that it will be easier to manage them as they grow up...