Should men be the sole $$ contributor despite both working?

[Lala81]

That is what we do.. Joint account, half of our salary goes into there, so is earn more contribute more. and those are only for house utils, food, schools..

But car maintenance/petrol, public transport, family activities/outing is oneself pocket..

 

Roughly the same as well. Except now the joint account is all paid by me.

I pay my wife an allowance to stay home as well, that's from the joint account also lol 

[G1234]

Staying home also no fun. Beside the houseworks and kids, you are also subject to the risk of losing behind, and losing everything. What if husband lose job? Or have other woman? Or he changes his mind like 5-15 years down the road? You are left with no work experience, no money. Too big a risk!! Even it sounds good to have a breather once in a while, I would never choose that route. So, appreciate your spouse whatever route she chooses :). My ego also too big to take money from someone keke. 

 

Once, I saw an ang moh lady. Definitely a stay home mom from the way she dressed. What drew me is her very beaten purse. All torn. Oh wow. My heart ached. 

Edited November 28, 2016 by G1234

[Watwheels]

The main concern or concerns in a marriage is not just finances. There are also trivia matters like who do the household chores and who makes decisions on what...that kinda thing. Unless the couple sit down and write down what they expect their partner to do when they get married they will have many shocks or surprises during their time together.

 

The previous thread is a good or bad example of how one person make the decision alone to stay at home and not work w/o talking to the partner. IMO it's not about what this title says.

[Lala81]

Staying home also no fun. Beside the houseworks and kids, you are also subject to the risk of losing behind, and losing everything. What if husband lose job? Or have other woman? Or he changes his mind like 5-15 years down the road? You are left with no work experience, no money. Too big a risk!! Even it sounds good to have a breather once in a while, I would never choose that route. So, appreciate your spouse whatever route she chooses :). 

 

I give my wife an allowance. Not that she needs it, but to allay any insecurities. Anyway she reads my handphone whenever she pleases lol.

[Pinobii]

human are all different, men or women.

 

- Some women very generous, they make more and contribute everything, her man can be a sucker.

- Some want 50-50, everything draw on the board.

- Some want men to pay all.

- Some men pay all but they sting on everything, end up women angry and divorce.

- Some men insist of paying all even beyond their ability, end up bankrupt.

 

a marriage counselor advice it is better to pool their contribution, no matter how big or small as long as both are happy and dun start counting.

This pretty much sums it all

 

Different strokes for different folks I suppose

 

I mean people have such diverse values in life and upbringing plays a part too in how a couple from two families come together and form their own family

 

There is no magic formula on what works for a couple

 

Some men are so domineering, they want to decide everything

 

Some men are so indecisive, they rely on others to decide for him

 

So it depends on the kind of women they meet

 

Some women want their husband to take the lead

 

Some women want to have equal say

 

Some women do whatever their husband say

 

It's just not possible to determine which one works best except for the couple themselves

 

With regards to financials, I subscribe to the belief that it does not matter whether the man or woman contributes more

 

If the woman earn more or much more and it makes better sense for the man to stay at home and look after the family, why not

 

But not all men can accept this arrangement though so at the end of the day, the values of the couple must be the same/compatible else it is difficult to move forward in family building

[Lala81]

This pretty much sums it all

 

Different strokes for different folks I suppose

 

I mean people have such diverse values in life and upbringing plays a part too in how a couple from two families come together and form their own family

 

There is no magic formula on what works for a couple

 

Some men are so domineering, they want to decide everything

 

Some men are so indecisive, they rely on others to decide for him

 

So it depends on the kind of women they meet

 

Some women want their husband to take the lead

 

Some women want to have equal say

 

Some women do whatever their husband say

 

It's just not possible to determine which one works best except for the couple themselves

 

With regards to financials, I subscribe to the belief that it does not matter whether the man or woman contributes more

 

If the woman earn more or much more and it makes better sense for the man to stay at home and look after the family, why not

 

But not all men can accept this arrangement though so at the end of the day, the values of the couple must be the same/compatible else it is difficult to move forward in family building

 

 

My marriage counseller advocates if the wife contributes more financially or takes the lead for most things, the equlibrium will change and be unstable.

They say in their experience, this is true.

So far, i do agree with them.

[SuPerBoRed]

I am a self center dick

[Pinobii]

I give my wife an allowance. Not that she needs it, but to allay any insecurities. Anyway she reads my handphone whenever she pleases lol.

Lala, u r a model husband, so good de

[SuPerBoRed]

My marriage counseller advocates if the wife contributes more financially or takes the lead for most things, the equlibrium will change and be unstable.

They say in their experience, this is true.

So far, i do agree with them.

 

its all different mindsets, social norms .. asian vs ang mo very different also ... 

 

thats why those mixed race marriages always seem much tougher to maintain.. 

[Kusje]

Staying home also no fun. Beside the houseworks and kids, you are also subject to the risk of losing behind, and losing everything. What if husband lose job? Or have other woman? Or he changes his mind like 5-15 years down the road? You are left with no work experience, no money. Too big a risk!! Even it sounds good to have a breather once in a while, I would never choose that route. So, appreciate your spouse whatever route she chooses :). My ego also too big to take money from someone keke. 

 

Once, I saw an ang moh lady. Definitely a stay home mom from the way she dressed. What drew me is her very beaten purse. All torn. Oh wow. My heart ached. 

 

What's there to ache?

 

My own wallet is more than 10 years old.... 

 

Dun think anyone ache for me hehe.

[BenTong]

I was shocked to hear that from her too. She was asking me if it is because he's an engineer by trained, and most engineers are stingy. keke. 

 

 

she lucky la. I only get $400 a month.. and I gotta pay the rest. too..i am an accountant trained.. my CO army trained

[Tianmo]

I give my wife an allowance. Not that she needs it, but to allay any insecurities. Anyway she reads my handphone whenever she pleases lol.

 

but you carry 2 phones right............    

[Lala81]

Lala, u r a model husband, so good de

 

I never thought about all these things actually, but since she wants it that way, I don't see why not. Sounds reasonable to me.

[SuPerBoRed]

Staying home also no fun. Beside the houseworks and kids, you are also subject to the risk of losing behind, and losing everything. What if husband lose job? Or have other woman? Or he changes his mind like 5-15 years down the road? You are left with no work experience, no money. Too big a risk!! Even it sounds good to have a breather once in a while, I would never choose that route. So, appreciate your spouse whatever route she chooses :). My ego also too big to take money from someone keke. 

 

Once, I saw an ang moh lady. Definitely a stay home mom from the way she dressed. What drew me is her very beaten purse. All torn. Oh wow. My heart ached. 

 

i think the right mindset is to sit down and chat tru with your spouse which route to take.. the best decision for the relationship...  dont have a preset decision. 

 

 

if your reason to insist on working is to mitigate your ''risks''. then some things will become a self fulling prophecy... 

[Kusje]

but you carry 2 phones right............    

 

1 phone leave in the clinic? 

[Lala81]

but you carry 2 phones right............    

 

Lol I no interest in all these, so no need 

 

haha i went to some KTV for my friend's stag nite 2 years back (planned by my friends), I show my wife the mamasan's name card   

[G1234]

What's there to ache?

 

My own wallet is more than 10 years old.... 

 

Dun think anyone ache for me hehe.

 

Cos it's obvious the woman was not having a good life. I just feel sad for her. 

Lol I no interest in all these, so no need 

 

haha i went to some KTV for my friend's stag nite 2 years back (planned by my friends), I show my wife the mamasan's name card   

Talk about this, I see my male ex colleagues, like 80-90% of them go for entertainment when traveling. The job does not really require entertainment for customers though. 

Lala, u r a model husband, so good de

haha. yea. sounds like one. 

[Pinobii]

My marriage counseller advocates if the wife contributes more financially or takes the lead for most things, the equlibrium will change and be unstable.

They say in their experience, this is true.

So far, i do agree with them.

Seriously why huh?

 

Maybr that's why some career woman cannot find a partner leh

I never thought about all these things actually, but since she wants it that way, I don't see why not. Sounds reasonable to me.

Your wifey's idea very good! Can learn