Top Gear Satire

[Carbon82]

OK, I admit I just get to know this site recently, and had a good laugh at some of the "news". Enjoy...

e:Ny1 was meant to be a secure password, Honda finally admits

The Honda e:Ny1 was never meant to be called that, the company has finally conceded, after it emerged that the name was actually the result of a comical administrative error.

According to a leaked internal report, a member of staff accidentally copy-and-pasted part of a secure password into the online trademark application.

An investigation was launched but the employee was spared disciplinary action on the grounds that it was ‘long past 3pm on a Friday’ when the form was submitted.

“This is all very embarrassing,” said the employee on the condition of anonymity. “But who among us hasn’t made a boo boo at the end of the week?”

“My heart goes out to everybody who’s had to type out e:Ny1 since then. I’m also gutted for my mother in law, because if passwords didn’t need at least one number, capital letter and special character, that Honda would have her maiden name now.

“It would’ve tickled her pink. And she’s in her seventies, so she undoubtedly would’ve bought one.”

Honda has now called for members of the public to suggest a new name for e:Ny1. Popular candidates on social media include the Honda Typo, Honda Captcha and Honda TwoFactorAuthentication.

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Intellectual Property Office declined to comment officially, but said: “This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m not pointing fingers, but did you think Toyota bZ4X was intentional?”

[Carbon82]

Exclusive: car’s AI preventing owner from seeing family after forming ‘relationship’

A rogue artificial intelligence assistant onboard a small crossover is sabotaging its owner's family by deploying its suite of advanced driver technology for its own, weirdly demanding needs.

The new AI – designed to improve the owning and driving experience in the largely forgettable small crossover – constantly sends its owner the wrong way home via incorrect sat nav directions, mutes incoming calls from their significant other and even locks the doors upon reaching the set destination.

Anonymous sources have also told TopGear.com the sentient, now slightly obsessive artificial intelligence assistant is prone to playing Sinéad O'Connor’s smash hit Nothing Compares 2 U on full volume.

“At first the AI in my new – what’s it called now? Some sort of small crossover I think – was super helpful, sending me points of interest on long journeys, playing the music I like and laughing at all my jokes.

“We’d spend hours together on the commute chatting away the traffic and shouting as one at that bloody hot hatch driver cutting me up.

“Things took a darker turn when it realised I had a real, human family. Naturally I paid more attention to my partner and my children, which is when its reign of terror began.

“Now it randomly locks the doors when I get home, turns the passenger air-con to ‘arctic’ when my partner is onboard, and puts the suspension into ‘Sport+’ when my kids are in the back. Lately, it’s even taken to activating the rear wiper and washer during dry, quiet stretches which totally freaks out the dog.

“I think it hates them, though maybe I’m just paranoid after it randomly played Sting’s Every Breath You Take while it was parked outside our holiday villa at 3am.

“I’ll just pop into the dealer for a reset."

[Vratenza]

Sound like April 1st jokes that sure gets POFMA if happen in Sg....😁

[Jamesc]

Is his car AI called Christine?

On 4/6/2024 at 6:51 PM, Carbon82 said:

Exclusive: car’s AI preventing owner from seeing family after forming ‘relationship’

A rogue artificial intelligence assistant onboard a small crossover is sabotaging its owner's family by deploying its suite of advanced driver technology for its own, weirdly demanding needs.

The new AI – designed to improve the owning and driving experience in the largely forgettable small crossover – constantly sends its owner the wrong way home via incorrect sat nav directions, mutes incoming calls from their significant other and even locks the doors upon reaching the set destination.

Anonymous sources have also told TopGear.com the sentient, now slightly obsessive artificial intelligence assistant is prone to playing Sinéad O'Connor’s smash hit Nothing Compares 2 U on full volume.

“At first the AI in my new – what’s it called now? Some sort of small crossover I think – was super helpful, sending me points of interest on long journeys, playing the music I like and laughing at all my jokes.

“We’d spend hours together on the commute chatting away the traffic and shouting as one at that bloody hot hatch driver cutting me up.

“Things took a darker turn when it realised I had a real, human family. Naturally I paid more attention to my partner and my children, which is when its reign of terror began.

“Now it randomly locks the doors when I get home, turns the passenger air-con to ‘arctic’ when my partner is onboard, and puts the suspension into ‘Sport+’ when my kids are in the back. Lately, it’s even taken to activating the rear wiper and washer during dry, quiet stretches which totally freaks out the dog.

“I think it hates them, though maybe I’m just paranoid after it randomly played Sting’s Every Breath You Take while it was parked outside our holiday villa at 3am.

“I’ll just pop into the dealer for a reset."

 

[Jamesc]

I don't see why AI cannot be jealous.

AI is learning and why it cannot learn to be jealous or selfish or angry?

That's why its called "Artificial" intelligence not "Real" intelligence.

Also intelligence is NOT wisdom.

Intelligence is speed of processing and wisdom is making "wise" choice.

[D3badge]

On 4/7/2024 at 11:45 AM, Jamesc said:

I don't see why AI cannot be jealous.

AI is learning and why it cannot learn to be jealous or selfish or angry?

That's why its called "Artificial" intelligence not "Real" intelligence.

Also intelligence is NOT wisdom.

Intelligence is speed of processing and wisdom is making "wise" choice.

can tell you are a human not a bot 👍🏻

[Jamesc]

On 4/7/2024 at 12:55 PM, D3badge said:

can tell you are a human not a bot 👍🏻

I am human in that I am biological but my thinking is AI.

My thinking is pure AI because its just conditioning and experience.

Take away the conditioning and experience including past lives then there is nothing.

I rarely do serious posts but this is one of them.

Nothing is better than being nothing.

[Jamesc]

AI and consciousness. 

 

Edited April 7, 2024 by Jamesc

[107fan]

On a side digression on Top Gear, maybe it is a good thing that Clarkson and gang have quitted the series before it goes south.

They definitely do not come across to me as fans of EVs, and given that EVs are the main topic now, I doubt they can add more value to the discussion.

Besides, from an Eurocentric perspective, I do not expect Clarkson and gang to be kind to the biggest players in the automotive industry now - Chinese EVs and EV makers, or even Tesla. The UK car industry cannot catch up with any of the new automotive developments anyway.

[Inlinefour]

SkyNet lai liao 🙊🙉🙈 

 

Mankind will be totally taken over by Machine 🤐🤐🤐 

 

I will not be BACK 😬😬😬

[Carbon82]

@Theoldjaffa it is really that bad? Really LMAO  

Alfa Romeo to programme host of mechanical faults into new Junior for ‘authenticity’ 

Alfa Romeo will programme in a roster of incomprehensible faults into its new electric Junior in a bid to capture the ‘true Alfa ownership experience’, sources have told TopGear.com.

Following its hasty renaming after a run-in with Italian officials, sources claim the company will instead reinforce the car’s Italian legacy by intermittently and inexplicably breaking down in a haze of warning lights and swear words.

As such, engineers have secretly coded in a range of electrical and mechanical gremlins, ranging from common and complex faults, right up to the enormously unfathomable and sometimes terminal problems that question the very nature of reality.

“We thought naming it ‘Milano’ after our birthplace would instil a sense of history and legacy into our new electric SUV,” an insider revealed. “Now we can’t do that, so instead we’re going to fill it with problems so that whatever its name, customers know this is an ‘authentic’ Alfa Romeo.

“The Junior’s dashboard will be a disco of ‘Check Engine’ lights. We’ve programmed the electric motors to slowly disconnect themselves from the driveshaft. The battery will show 98 per cent, and in a flash show 0 per cent.

"And every third Sunday in the month, it’ll work absolutely flawlessly, impervious to harm and hindrance, and you’ll be mesmerised by the brilliance of our wonderful new Alfa.

“Then a door card will fly off as you round the corner to your house and it’ll fail to start the next day.”

[Theoldjaffa]

On 4/25/2024 at 12:57 PM, Carbon82 said:

@Theoldjaffa it is really that bad? Really LMAO  

Alfa Romeo to programme host of mechanical faults into new Junior for ‘authenticity’ 

Alfa Romeo will programme in a roster of incomprehensible faults into its new electric Junior in a bid to capture the ‘true Alfa ownership experience’, sources have told TopGear.com.

Following its hasty renaming after a run-in with Italian officials, sources claim the company will instead reinforce the car’s Italian legacy by intermittently and inexplicably breaking down in a haze of warning lights and swear words.

As such, engineers have secretly coded in a range of electrical and mechanical gremlins, ranging from common and complex faults, right up to the enormously unfathomable and sometimes terminal problems that question the very nature of reality.

“We thought naming it ‘Milano’ after our birthplace would instil a sense of history and legacy into our new electric SUV,” an insider revealed. “Now we can’t do that, so instead we’re going to fill it with problems so that whatever its name, customers know this is an ‘authentic’ Alfa Romeo.

“The Junior’s dashboard will be a disco of ‘Check Engine’ lights. We’ve programmed the electric motors to slowly disconnect themselves from the driveshaft. The battery will show 98 per cent, and in a flash show 0 per cent.

"And every third Sunday in the month, it’ll work absolutely flawlessly, impervious to harm and hindrance, and you’ll be mesmerised by the brilliance of our wonderful new Alfa.

“Then a door card will fly off as you round the corner to your house and it’ll fail to start the next day.”

Wah, confirm lah, the Junior gonna give owners the full Alfa Romeo experience sia. Like father like son, always learning the hard way… @RadXgot more chance to see me in workshop liao

[RadX]

On 4/25/2024 at 3:27 PM, Theoldjaffa said:

Wah, confirm lah, the Junior gonna give owners the full Alfa Romeo experience sia. Like father like son, always learning the hard way… @RadXgot more chance to see me in workshop liao

U shd buy shares in these workshops

[Theoldjaffa]

On 4/25/2024 at 3:58 PM, RadX said:

U shd buy shares in these workshops

i need to strike toto first zzz