Disciplining children or child abuse?

[Pokyman]

BTW, when is the age to start caning?

 

24 months? 36months?

 

 

deps lah ... like my son when he was 24 mths, i tried to "cane" him on his buttocks, he still can laugh at me and still think i playng with him.

[Unltd]

BTW, when is the age to start caning?

 

24 months? 36months?

 

I started as soon as my kid can talk, understand right from wrong and remember things. Around 18months or slightly younger.

 

The first time was when kid was making a fuss outside, I told my kid that daddy is gonna buy a cane and go back to cane you and it will be painful.

 

Went together to choose the cane, when we reached home, I asked her if she remembers that she was naughty and that she will be caned, she teared and understood then was made to stick out hand and caned on the palm of hand.

 

When I cane my kid, I will do it in private, but when I tell her that when we reach home she will get it. I folllow up with it, I also do not punish without warning.

 

When she is kicking up a fuss or having really bad behaviour, I will tell her to stop or daddy will count to 10. When it reaches 10, she owes me 1 caning. She gets it the minute she reaches home.

 

Well, she is really nice and listens to us (parents). Mostly comments from family and friends are that my kid is well behaved, she does not run around screaming in a resturant, swing around the poles when taking train rides or throw things around. She is also a very happy kid cause everyone adores her.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Unltd

[Freestylers09]

he doing the right thing

 

abuse is use belt whack,burn ciggies etc this kind of things la..

 

 

[Skunk]

BTW, when is the age to start caning?

 

24 months? 36months?

 

i think alot depends on the child's inborn personality, development, and first and foremost, whether the infraction warrants corporal punishment?

 

My elder daughter is very fierce and violent, like me. At the tender age of 1 year 3 months, when i forcibly carried her out of a toy shop she refused to leave, she slapped me on my face. And nobody slaps anyone in my household, and i've never ever slapped her before that. So the rationale that children will "learn violence" after corporal punishment, definitely is not true.

 

Anyway, i straightaway yelled at her, removed her shoe, and slapped her on her soles. She cried for only 1 minute before showing me a black face lol. It was effective. After that incident, we were able to forcibly remove her from places without her kicking up a fuss anymore :)

[Jman888]

i dunno if all who replies here are parents.

i have seen many replies from non-parent - they are 'crap'.

when they become parent themselves, they become worst than their comments.

so please dun judge unless you have 'been there'.

 

there are 3 billions ways of raising and discipline a kid (if there are 3 billions parents in the world ) so no right or wrong, to each his own.

 

Not being a parent doesn't mean he doesn't understand cos everyone was a kid before. You only have your way to raise your kid, and you also experience one way of been raise by your own parent

 

 

all parents love their kids - they deliver differently

 

There you say it!

Edited September 9, 2010 by Jman888

[Ender]

2:20 onwards...hehe

 

Why you so like that... Remember listening to this on cassette many years ago..

[Skunk]

understand right from wrong

 

Personally, i think that's a tall order lol Even alot of adults cannot tell right from wrong, rather, we learn "what can be done" and "what can't be done".

 

Right and wrong i think it requires a higher level of thinking, i think only in adulthood then it will truly manifest. Like how children will say "this is wrong", but do they really understand what it means? No just lip-service or being taught to say so.

 

I would rather a person behaves right, and not understand why it's right, than for someone to behave wrong and yet understand why it's wrong. At least at childhood stage :)

 

[Pokyman]

Yea, read it from many place that actually how kids behave is how they view their parents (or caregivers) behave. They learn not so much as from what you tell the or teach them , but rather from observing your behaviour.

 

If they keep seeing their parents yelling at each other, or at other people often, they tend to follow suit. They think its proper behaviour.

 

I am quite impatient , and i see it now in one of my boy

[Jamstart]

i dunno if all who replies here are parents.

i have seen many replies from non-parent - they are 'crap'.

when they become parent themselves, they become worst than their comments.

so please dun judge unless you have 'been there'.

 

discipline a child is 2-way, need to be requested, responded, actioned or else it leads to command, comply, & obey.... both comes with carrot & cane.

in my household, i hold the cane & my wife uses her words - so its 1 hard, & 1 soft.

but when it comes to play & fun with the kids, i was the clown, & my wife's the master....

 

NEVER, NEVER hit with your bare hands! its worst than using a cane - remember that!

i uses a rubber-band, 'piak' at my kids hand/finger/thigh or legs if they really pushes too far - when my request leads to command

my wife will be the one to open her hands to them after that . . . . - explains the rationale/warnings behind my request/command to the kids

then only the kids will know, they will weigh the rewards against the consequences on themselves........

the moment they show remorse, i will take advantage to ensure they comply to next actions........... NEVER reward them on-the-spot!

if they ask for rewards, i will challenge them for a bigger stake for bigger compliance

i rewards my kids dearly . . . . on separate occasions - so that they knows the toys they received was not from the good behaviours/result (these are their must-no rewards!) but rather the love from their daddy & mommy

 

all parents love their kids - they deliver differently

 

cheers!

Well said, I support you. I am parents of 3 kids and I whack them if scolding doesnt help, and this will be my last resort. I dont believe in talking to the children cos they are still a kid and they dont understand what you are trying to say. I am always the bad guy in the family and that is fine with me.

[Mantaone]

The kid's action is usually a reflection of the parent, if you slap him, he will do it to others too.

3 or 4 year old kid what does he knows, he learn it from the parents, grandparents, TVs

 

We should teach them, however this requires a lot of patience, the kid is your child you want him to be good and proper

using cane will not work, it never work for me. mine dad use to cane me, initially i siam the cane kenna the tip more pain

after a while mine father swings the cane i move in.

 

If we start to command them to do this do that or dont do this, do that in a commanding manner

you will see him telling ppl as well, and if other kids dont follow, they will resort to minor violence like pushing, etc.

 

Most kids ant undevoted attention from you basically your love.

 

The way mine parent brought me up i cant say the technique is wrong, it has more fear than love.

[Skunk]

Yea, read it from many place that actually how kids behave is how they view their parents (or caregivers) behave. They learn not so much as from what you tell the or teach them , but rather from observing your behaviour.

 

If they keep seeing their parents yelling at each other, or at other people often, they tend to follow suit. They think its proper behaviour.

 

Noleh, i just gave an example of how my eldest daughter slapped me, in an earlier post. In my household, I don't ever hit my wife, neither does my wife hit me. Yet i got a slap LOL. Where could she have "learnt" it from? I'm a stay-at-home Dad and i'm with her nearly 24 hours a day.

 

I think it's a manifestation of her personality, which is largely hereditary. I've a violent temper, when i get angry, i get really angry, though i don't slap people. I think for her, she allowed her temper to translate into action, even at such a tender age.

 

Anyway, problem is solved with a simple whack to her sole lol. Now she behaves much better :) I guess on a subconscious level, she can tell that i love her, and i'm only disciplining her, not venting :)

 

[Skunk]

The kid's action is usually a reflection of the parent, if you slap him, he will do it to others too.

3 or 4 year old kid what does he knows, he learn it from the parents, grandparents, TVs

 

not true lah, another urban myth lol

 

Many of us grew up watching Rambo and HeMan, do we go around bashing people like headless chicken?

 

Many of us grew up being disciplined by the cane, do we go around whacking people we dislike?

 

Corporal punishment is as old as humanity itself, can even see it in chimpanzee moms disciplining the little ones. It has its place and time, definitely has its usefulness, though i have to say, it's often misused and thought to be a panacea which it isn't.

 

[Neutralsg]

Yesterday I witnessed a rather disturbing series of incidents.

 

#1 - A boy of about 3-4 years old ran out of the restaurant his parents were dining in. The father gave chase and yelled loudly for the boy to get back. When the boy refused, the father grabbed him and carried him back to the restaurant.

 

#2 - The boy kept crying in the restaurant. The dad carried him out of the restaurant and repeatedly slapped his face until the cheek was bright red.

 

#3 - At the lift lobby, the boy who was still crying gestured that he wanted the father to carry him. The father picked up the boy and threw him onto a couch instead.

 

Admittedly, I have no idea what is the head and tail of this story. However, I felt very disturbed watching it. In my mind these actions are actually child abuse, agree?

Yeah. It is deemed child abuse although the father's intention was to discipline the child because no sensible parents will abuse a child.

Having said that, I feel slapping someone whether a child or an adult is degrading. To discipline my children, I would first warn them firmly (in no uncertain terms) vocally and through eye contact before spanking them once or twice on their buttocks. Subsequently, I will explain the reason for the punishment and reassure my love for them. It was basically to break their willpower to threaten especially when someone they think can protect them is around. Hence, my message was: You will not get away with bad behaviour regardless who is around.

It worked and I never had problems with my children throwing tantrums anywhere. Gradually as they grew, all I needed was to stare at them when they intended to start their nonsense. While it may be in the past, I do feel sad each time I think of the times when I had to punish my children because I love children very much as they will always be innocent in their growing up years.

Just sharing my experience.

[Mantaone]

not true lah, another urban myth lol

 

Many of us grew up watching Rambo and HeMan, do we go around bashing people like headless chicken?

 

Many of us grew up being disciplined by the cane, do we go around whacking people we dislike?

 

Corporal punishment is as old as humanity itself, can even see it in chimpanzee moms disciplining the little ones. It has its place and time, definitely has its usefulness, though i have to say, it's often misused and thought to be a panacea which it isn't.

 

mine time also watch rambo, but there are times i really want to bash up others just lunnn, endure, chinese (kan kai)

kids dont think that much. when there are not happy they shows immdeiately its how they respond we need to teach what method ??

 

Eq. Mine time when i study i just take the ten year series do the questions memorise the perfect answer can score already

Now we are teaching them concepts, get the concept right you get the answer, they can ask WHY

Time change, methods must evolve as well.

 

Black cat white cat can catch mouse is good cat. no one method can solve all. but fear is one method i do not want mine child to grew up

with.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Mantaone

[Skunk]

but fear is one method i do not want mine child to grew up

with.

 

fear, like all other emotions, is part of a normal human's life. I want my children to grow up with the full range of human emotions. I want them to be truly human. Many parents nowadays try their best to shield their children from what they deem "negative" or "bad" emotions.

 

Love, hate, fear, pain, joy, sadness.....it's all natural, each emotion has its own time and place. If my child has to be fearful sometimes, so be it.

[Coltplussport]

My gut feel was that the father has run out of options so he just whacked. Having said that I wonder how repeated slaps is going to make the boy stop crying. Best part was the boy wanted the father to carry (sayang) and he got thrown onto the couch instead.Throughout the drama, the mum just continued eating. Later she paid up quietly looks like she is controlling her temper)and went to rejoin her family.

 

I agree that children should be disciplined, but I think every witness also knew in their hearts that this one crossed the line. It's really a damn complex issue so I hope those with parenting experience like Skunk can share their thoughts.

 

Then I believe the father whacked the child to save the child from being skinned alive by the mother.

[Coltplussport]

fear, like all other emotions, is part of a normal human's life. I want my children to grow up with the full range of human emotions. I want them to be truly human. Many parents nowadays try their best to shield their children from what they deem "negative" or "bad" emotions.

 

Love, hate, fear, pain, joy, sadness.....it's all natural, each emotion has its own time and place. If my child has to be fearful sometimes, so be it.

 

Hi skunk,

 

Are you being called up for ICT? If so, what happen to your children?

[Mantaone]

fear, like all other emotions, is part of a normal human's life. I want my children to grow up with the full range of human emotions. I want them to be truly human. Many parents nowadays try their best to shield their children from what they deem "negative" or "bad" emotions.

 

Love, hate, fear, pain, joy, sadness.....it's all natural, each emotion has its own time and place. If my child has to be fearful sometimes, so be it.

 

I contradict mineself on this on one hand i want them to be ready, emotion wise, dealing with ppl, tough but on the other hand i am protecting them, like a green house. I just want him to have a happy childhood.