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Strawberrypink

By Strawberrypink,
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Strawberrypink

Strawberrypink

Neutral Newbie

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

 

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the

medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these,

his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control Pills.

 

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange Juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks. And believe me, it helps Me sleep at night "

You gotta love Grandmas!

 

 

LEGAL AND LOGICAL

 

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical,logical, but not legal,and neither logical, nor legal? "

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

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Strawberrypink

Strawberrypink

Neutral Newbie
  • Author
(edited)

PARISH PARROTS

 

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only say one thing"

"What do they say" the priest inquired. "They say, hi we're naughty girls, do you want to have some fun"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaims I can see why you are embarrassed.

He thought for a second and said "I may have a solution for your problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my

house, and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship".

"Thank you" said the woman.

 

The next day she takes her parrots to the priest's house. She saw his two male parrots in their cage holding their rosary beads and praying.

Impressed she walks over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes the female parrots exclaim in unison "we're naughty girls, do you want to have some fun"

 

There was a stunned silence, finally one male parrot looks over to the other one and says "Francis, put your beads away, our prayers have been answered"

 

 

BLONDES

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

 

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Edited by Strawberrypink
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Mzrmazda3

Mzrmazda3

6th Gear

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

 

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the

medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these,

his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control Pills.

 

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange Juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks. And believe me, it helps Me sleep at night "

You gotta love Grandmas!

 

[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][thumbsup]

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Kingcopa

Kingcopa

1st Gear

BLONDES

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

 

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

 

Best Best [thumbsup][thumbsup][laugh][laugh]

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Blue2

Blue2

1st Gear

Me also contributte 1 can [sly][sly]

 

One day an evil witch took over the forest,

''One-by-one, all of you useless animals have to come up here and tell a joke...

if everybody laughs, you will be spared...

or else I'll cut off your head!''

 

The monkey went up first and told such a funny joke that all the animals

laughed except fot a tortoise.. so the witch cut off his head.

Next, a giraffe went up and she,

in turn told a joke that set all the animals off laughing...

but still, the tortoise did not laugh...

so the witch cut off her head.

Then, the rabbit went up... but before she could say a word,

the tortoise started laughing...

''Why are you laughing you stupid tortoise?'' the witch asked.

"The monkey's joke was very funny...'' was the reply.

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KapitanE

KapitanE

1st Gear

GCT, LHL and WKS went geylang and kio kuey....

 

So the lady arrive lioa, GCT being senior told LHL,

 

(in hokkien)

eh... li seng long.....

 

WKS buay song told off GCT,

 

(in hokkien)

oei.... wa kang seng lah... goh..chi tong hor....

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Cthulhu

Cthulhu

1st Gear
(edited)

ok lah... i also contribute... my fav beng joke...

 

 

Ah Beng rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a bottle of cooking oil a few minutes ago.

 

 

Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper.

 

 

"But Sir, there is no free gift on this bottle of cooking oil ."

The shopkeeper answered politely.

 

 

"Don't fool me," replied Beng, "it is clearly written on the

label... 'Cholesterol Free'". [laugh]

Edited by Cthulhu
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