Parental advice

[Nzy]

Anyway its normal that the child will be very close to whoever he/she interacts with the most during their first few years.

 

My son has this classmate who is always taken care of by his maid. He always crys when its time for the maid to leave him at the school. On his birthday his parents took leave to send him to school together with the birthday cake. When the parents were leaving, he never cry but once the maid passed him his bag and turned to leave, he started crying for the maid to come back.

[TameDriver]

In fact, my wife is the perfect mother that every child would like. She will accede all the request for my daugther, giving her the best lot of it. Handphone, Ipad, watch, Japanese food, Korean food, clothings, you name it, my wife will buy it for her... I wished my mum was like that...

 

When it come to disciplining the child, she will not intervene when her mother is disciplining the child because she know that if she intervened, she will offended her mother and her mother will not speak to her for months.

 

The last time I quarrelled with her mother, she threatened to move out but my daugther cried and begged her to stay... After that my wife and my daugther always tells me not to argue with my MIL. That's why sometimes, my daugther keep things to herself, such as going out with her frens, she did not bring this up because she knows that I will be pissed with my MIL for rejecting her without asking us beforehand.

 

 

Giving a child everything that she asks for and acceding to her every request is not good parenting.

It is the lazy way out instead of asking or explaining to the child the necessity for such material stuffs

and dining at expensive places.

 

I believe in tough love, in able to say 'No' to my kids, followed by explanation & when there's perfectly good reason to do so, eg, hand phones or other electronic gadgets still in good working order.

 

Most parents simply give in to their children's requests because it is Easier To Give In than asking for reason

and to explain to them for not doing so. Also, they would rather their kids be happy than angry with them!

 

I believe I've done a very good job with my kids.....they don't go for designer /branded stuffs if there's

alternatives. No Starbucks for them.....they rather save money, even when we want o give them a treat!

They don't like to hang out at entertainment outlets or cafes, saying that it invites trouble, waste of time...

 

TS, don't encourage your girl to go out if she doesn't ask to go; teenagers are specially vulnerable to fall prey to negative influences.

Encourage her to bring friends/classmate home for homework, project work, play, etc...

And Strict House Rule (my rule too) - no locking of door and no males in her room.

Personally, I'd rather my children bring friends to my house (never mind the mess or provide food/drinks)

than not knowing the of home environment her friends.

 

 

 

 

[BlueOldMan]

After a hot lunch, all the mcf good daddies all coming in Liao

Hahaha

[Ooosh]

The way to solve this problem is one of parents quit working and take care of kids.

[Ngck]

So you thinks my daugther being closer to my MIL is right? My daugther listened to her grandma more than us is right?

 

I think there should be a balance between the parents and grandparents.

 

 

you want balance you spend more time with your kid lor.... simple as that...

 

you lost 3 years... not easy to catch up...

[Strudel-]

Wow. So many good advise. I think TS need to reflect on himself (the wife as well) before making such comments. If anything, your MIL will say you're ungrateful.

 

Think about if you and your wife NEED to be working that extra hour and is there no other way (like getting another job). If your reason for working so hard is to "provide" for you kids, maybe your starting point is already wrong. What they need is your love, company and teaching.

 

Nothing wrong with taking public transport, going to neighbourhood school or wearing the same T shirt over 5 yrs (I still have T shirts thats like 8yrs old and I still wear them). These are wants and nice to have but not needs. Unless you're saying you guys need to be working so hard to have 3 meals a day and to pay for the bills, then it'll be a different story.

[Zacxaviqer]

i very curious... tuition change from weekly to daily... fees sure different..... who pay ar?

 

if you pay.. you should know ba

 

 

We pay. Payment end of the month. Not end June yet.

[TameDriver]

 

TS, forget about your Ego, forget about others telling you that a man should be the main disciplinarian, etc....

Every family/household has it own interplay of dynamics.

 

MIL doing a good job of enforcing discipline, looking after the well being of your child.

 

The problems lies in your suddenly want to play a bigger role in your daughter's life;

which MIL got so used to be the sole decision maker, not easy for her to relinquish or share that role.

 

If your wife just simply dotes/splurges on her, she's undoing the good that your MIL has instill in her.

 

You should have a quiet time with MIL; bring her out for a meal, then DISCUSS with her,

not talk or tell her what to do. Let her know your appreciation of her, your concerns and wish to be more

actively involved. Emphasize to her that you aren't taking your girl away from her care.

 

It is not healthy home environment if a child constantly senses hostility, uncertainty and conflicts.

There must only be one disciplinarian, with the rest playing supportive role in enforcing, explaining and lending a listening ear.

 

 

[Sayang]

You were outstation for a few yrs, and your wife busy with work.. These sound like excuses. You or your wife can get a job which would provide more time to educate/nurture your child. It was your choice to outsource so you have to accept all outcomes. If you want to remedy the situation, change job, change lifestyle.. etc, its your choice to make.

 

Me and my partner made the decision to "outsource" parenting my son, but we make it a point to come home every day to spend time with son. Weekends, he come home with us, and he is close to my PIL and my partner. I am comfortable in my job and have lots of freedom at work , so I can work from home whenever I want to, not everyday.

My husband cant work from home, but his job does not require much travelling and overtime, so he is always home for dinner.

 

If I were in your shoes, one parent needs to step back in his career/job, take up a more flexible job which will allow you to spend more time with your child. From what I read, that person has to be you. Your wife is too soft hearted, and she will allow your MIL to creep back in. Take a stand, and stop whining. not much time left. Your child is almost a teen, you dont want developmental problems (social) along the way.

You want a happy child, who can grow to lead , high EQ and all. And being surpressed everyday like this, its not going to help.

 

[TameDriver]

The way to solve this problem is one of parents quit working and take care of kids.

 

Not a good solution. Likely falls onto the passive wifey to stay home.

At the end of the day, TS will have 2x the headache.

 

[Roh96]

Wah, all the good daddies in MCF have given their advises. I think TS now headache...who to listen..

[BlueOldMan]

Wah, all the good daddies in MCF have given their advises. I think TS now headache...who to listen..

 

Ts still think he's right!

You all wrong!

[Zacxaviqer]

TS, don't encourage your girl to go out if she doesn't ask to go; teenagers are specially vulnerable to fall prey to negative influences.

Encourage her to bring friends/classmate home for homework, project work, play, etc...

And Strict House Rule (my rule too) - no locking of door and no males in her room.

Personally, I'd rather my children bring friends to my house (never mind the mess or provide food/drinks)

than not knowing the of home environment her friends.

 

We brought a few of her friends out for outing before and know that these group of friends that she always hang around with are good company so we have no issue for her to go out to watch a movie at the neighbourhood mall...

 

 

[Unltd]

I stated in my first post asking whether am I over-reacting to the whole situation. I was looking for opinion whether this is common in other household because in most situation, the father tends to be the disciplinary one rather than the grandma.

 

I was brought up with my dad being the ultimate decision maker for most of the things. My bro who stayed by themselves with maid taking care of his kid, has the final say in his household. Likewise for my cousins as well... I'm the only one in my household that exerience such problem so I came in to ask for advise and opinions...

 

And now ppl give you practical advice and opinions, what you do, give 101 reasons why cannot or should not... If cannot or should not then don't ask for advice, just ask for Opinion can already.

[Zacxaviqer]

Ts still think he's right!

You all wrong!

 

 

I think I'm right about what?

 

I started this post to ask whether I was over-reacting to the situation or not and not to complain abt my MIL.

[TameDriver]

We brought a few of her friends out for outing before and know that these group of friends that she always hang around with are good company so we have no issue for her to go out to watch a movie at the neighbourhood mall...

 

Yes, it is more reassuring to know whom your child is hanging out with.

However, she's going Sec Sch next year......not that easy to monitor. The onus lies in your girl's

upbringing and good sense to keep u in the loop.

[BlueOldMan]

I think I'm right about what?

 

I started this post to ask whether I was over-reacting to the situation or not and not to complain abt my MIL.

 

You are right in every way I see

You spend alot of time to earn for family - right

You dun fight with your mil - right

Etc etc - right

I see you are nothing wrong

 

We are wrong - still not Ar

[Zacxaviqer]

And now ppl give you practical advice and opinions, what you do, give 101 reasons why cannot or should not... If cannot or should not then don't ask for advice, just ask for Opinion can already.

 

 

I did not say I cannot go back early to accompany my daugther. I have been trying... So is my wife

 

Pple advised me to move out of the house but that is our house. Ask my MIL to move away, not possible because she has nowhere else to live.

 

As for one of us to quit our job to take care of her, I just want to know how about those couple who are both working, how they cope with this problem or this problem doesn't exist to them at all... Because this problem does not happen to my bro or my cousin... That's why I'm posting here to assess whether mine is a isolated cases or it's common in other household..