Altivo 3rd Gear June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 Actually grandmother ruling the family is not wrong what.... There is even a term for it. matriarch Margaret Chan and her famous "I will crush you like a cockroach!" ↡ Advertisement Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 This is god damned true. Have seen a few such cases in public already. Damn unfortunate man... I always like to tell the truth except when I am telling lies. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karu 6th Gear June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 True, you can't be right ALL the time. Nobody is, but you can't be too wishy washy. Firm final decisions have to be made right or wrong, if they are wrong, apologise. Problem is too many ppl making decisions or nobody making them..... The problem is, our Elders would not apologize even if they know they are in the wrong... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 Margaret Chan and her famous "I will crush you like a cockroach!" The worse case of bad acting I have ever seen on TV. VR man comes a close second. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacxaviqer 1st Gear June 17, 2013 Author Share June 17, 2013 Well, looks like your wife has a part to play for what happened. Anyway, the silverlining like what other bros pointed out is that you've noticed the issue early and would like to address it. Parents vs in-laws issues are never easy to deal with. From the way I look at it, your wife needs to stand up and be firm. While she might want choose the easy way out by avoiding conflict with her mum, she is simply sweeping the matter under the carpet and hoping that things would not go wrong. That's foolish thinking. Speak to your MIL with your wife.. Be polite and firm. Thank her and appreciate her for what she had done in bringing up your girl, while also bringing across your concerns and issues. Tell her as the dad, you do not like the way your authority is being challenged in front of your girl and likewise, you will not do the same to her as well. Tell her you share the same goal in ensuring the well-being and discipline of your girl but am not receptive of the idea of corporal punishment. There are other ways to drive the message across than scoldings and slappings. After the quarrel with my MIL, my wife did talk to her mother and the situation gets better. I became more involved but then after a while, the same things happened again last week. When my wife reasoned out with me, I was thinking, did I over-reacted or did most parents who were not the primary caretakers of their child faced the same things? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porker Turbocharged June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 Margaret Chan and her famous "I will crush you like a cockroach!" Masters of the Sea?? I prefer Masters of the Universe :D Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 The problem is, our Elders would not apologize even if they know they are in the wrong... The word sorry was not invented then. And Chinese has no Excuse me only hot water thats why we are so rude. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unltd 5th Gear June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 The problem is, our Elders would not apologize even if they know they are in the wrong... I also don't apologize... I will make it up in other ways... How? Jialat la.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 The problem is, our Elders would not apologize even if they know they are in the wrong... Lets be fair to the MIL, we haven't heard her side of the story yet. And if the MIL is such as bad care giver, how come the wife turned out alright? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 I also don't apologize... I will make it up in other ways... How? Jialat la.... Let us guess, instead of apologising, you do what your avatar did, show the middle finger. I think I may have seen you driving around before. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman888 Moderator June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 (edited) you always see thing from the other side (backside!) :D Lets be fair to the MIL, we haven't heard her side of the story yet. And if the MIL is such as bad care giver, how come the wife turned out alright? Edited June 17, 2013 by Jman888 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 (edited) So many people here complain kids these days are like strawberry, no discipline, no responsibility, bad attitude and here we have a MIL thats tries to bring up a kid well and people complain she is too strict. And the TS instead of being grateful for the years of care given by the MIL, he just quarrels with her. Where is the thanks and appreciation? I hope the daughter grows up to be like the wife than the husband. Edited June 17, 2013 by Jamesc Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacxaviqer 1st Gear June 17, 2013 Author Share June 17, 2013 2 advices depending on what's workable/ important/precious - 1. You and wifey are unable to be there all the time for your daughter. Your MIL can and has always been there for her. She also probably knows your daughter better than you realise or know. Because you get to see your daughter irregularly and will tend to want to "exert" your fatherly presence at every opportunity, not surprised you will clash with the titan, I meant MIL. She is strict, very strict, more strict than your own granny but more importantly, it's your daughter well taken care of and loves her granny still, despite all the strictness? Your MIL has been that way for years.... unlikely she will change. Rather you spend as much quality time with your daughter to let her know she can always come to you for advice and help, besides your MIL. Build or start building trust with your daughter. The whole world knows you are her dad, you have the govt's birth cert as evidence but if you and daughter dun have communication or even time for each other, it stops there. 2. Work towards getting yourself or wifey to spend less hours at work or find alternative job that allows either one of you to have time to look after your daughter fuller time. That will reduce tensions with your MIL.... send her on holidays, a cruise or month long trips to China. Relationship takes time to be strengthened and so dun expect your daughter to immediately fall in with all your wishes. In fact, she may run to granny every time she thinks her granny will be able to overrule your decision. The kid is not stupid so love her lots while getting to know her well. Who knows, you may be stricter with her than the titan, MIL in some aspects. Sorry, you know best cos you face them and live with them. Advices can only be taken with pinches of salt because we all have different types of titans, I mean MILs and daughters/kids/nieces/nephews etc. Dun work at wrestling back control of child, work on knowing and building trust with her. Honestly, MILs do have earlier expiry dates and I meant this as a fact of life but let's not dwell on that because yours dun sound bad..... better than a lot of maids related stories in charge of kids. Hope this pinch of salt helps.... Safe ride and all the best Cheers In fact me and my wife had been trying to get ourselves involved in her life. We wake her up in the morning, we drive her to school everyday. Unfortunately, we were unable to pick her up from school though. That's where my MIL will step in. Every weekend, we will bring her out for outing such as fly kites and stuff like that. We also went for holidays together to China and to Hong Kong.... We planned huge birthday surprise for her, bring her to her fave band concert, she enjoyed our companionship but when weekdays comes, my MIL will be in control again and whatever things that we say or do would be over-ridden yet again... I guess this is still not enough as compared to my MIL who had been her caretakers for the past 12 years Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TameDriver Twincharged June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 TS, be thankful that your girl wasn't brought up by a FDW. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacxaviqer 1st Gear June 17, 2013 Author Share June 17, 2013 So many people here complain kids these days are like strawberry, no discipline, no responsibility, bad attitude and here we have a MIL thats tries to bring up a kid well and people complain she is too strict. And the TS instead of being grateful for the years of care given by the MIL, he just quarrels with her. Where is the thanks and appreciation? I hope the daughter grows up to be like the wife than the husband. When my daugther gets angry with her grandma for not allowing her to go out with her friends an d threw temper, we told her that she cannot do that because she meant well and I even chided her for throwing temper at her grandma. But then I feel like slapping myself in the face because I actually agreed her to go out with her friends in the first place!! If I oppose my MIL and allowed my daugther to go out, this will cause unhappines with my MIL as I overruled her decision which my wife dun wish to see it... Besides, my daugther dares not oppose her grandma decision... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 you always see thing from the other side (backside!) :D Thats very true! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustank Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 my wife do the coaching of homework, i am quite redundant at home [laugh] my wife not as educated as me, so i have to do lor Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesc Hypersonic June 17, 2013 Share June 17, 2013 TS, be thankful that your girl wasn't brought up by a FDW. I wish I had a maid like Michelle Chong, err I mean Laticia. ↡ Advertisement Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In NowRelated Discussions
Related Discussions
Seeking advice: can the tyre still hold?
Seeking advice: can the tyre still hold?
Laopeh asking for advice - older fathers chat
Laopeh asking for advice - older fathers chat
Advice on exhaust.
Advice on exhaust.
Going to Kyushu...advice and recommend please.
Going to Kyushu...advice and recommend please.
Car accident advice
Car accident advice
Going to Brisbane, Please Advice
Going to Brisbane, Please Advice
Advice needed: 6 days in Perth with a two year old and farm stay in March?
Advice needed: 6 days in Perth with a two year old and farm stay in March?
Need Advice on Self Storage
Need Advice on Self Storage