Sharing of Good Jokes

[Showster]

Can you be the PM for New Zealand if you are English?

 

Apparently can.

 

Lame joke - oops!

[Peap8888]

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because their condoms are 'Made in China'.

[Still2016]

A BLONDE MAN IS IN THE BATHROOM AND HIS WIFE SHOUTS: "DID YOU FIND
THE SHAMPOO?"
HE ANSWERS, "YES, BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO... IT'S FOR DRY HAIR,
AND I'VE JUST WET MINE."

-----------------------------
A BLONDE MAN SPIES A LETTER LYING ON HIS DOORMAT.
IT SAYS ON THE ENVELOPE "DO NOT BEND ."
HE SPENDS THE NEXT 2 HOURS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PICK IT UP.

------------------------------ ------
A BLONDE MAN SHOUTS FRANTICALLY INTO THE PHONE, "MY WIFE IS
PREGNANT AND HER CONTRACTIONS ARE ONLY TWO MINUTES APART!"
"IS THIS HER FIRST CHILD?" ASKS THE DOCTOR.
"NO!" HE SHOUTS, "THIS IS HER HUSBAND!"

------------------------------ ---
A BLONDE MAN IS IN JAIL, THE GUARD LOOKS IN HIS CELL AND SEES HIM
HANGING BY HIS FEET.
"JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" HE ASKS.
"HANGING MYSELF," THE BLONDE REPLIES.
"THE ROPE SHOULD BE AROUND YOUR NECK" SAYS THE GUARD.
"I TRIED THAT," HE REPLIES, "BUT THEN I COULDN'T BREATHE."

------------------------------ ------
AN ITALIAN TOURIST ASKS A BLONDE MAN: "WHY DO SCUBA DIVERS ALWAYS
FALL BACKWARDS OFF THEIR BOATS?"
TO WHICH THE BLONDE MAN REPLIES: "IF THEY FELL FORWARD, THEY'D
STILL BE IN THE BOAT."

------------------------------ --------
A FRIEND TOLD THE BLONDE MAN: "CHRISTMAS IS ON A FRIDAY THIS YEAR."
THE BLONDE MAN THEN SAID, "LET'S HOPE IT'S NOT THE 13TH."

------------------------------ ------
TWO BLONDE MEN FIND THREE GRENADES, AND THEY DECIDE TO TAKE THEM TO
A POLICE STATION.
ONE ASKED: "WHAT IF ONE EXPLODES BEFORE WE GET THERE?"
THE OTHER SAYS: "WE'LL LIE AND SAY WE ONLY FOUND TWO."

------------------------------ ------
A WOMAN PHONED HER BLONDE NEIGHBOR MAN AND SAID: "CLOSE YOUR
CURTAINS THE NEXT TIME YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE HAVING SEX.
THE WHOLE STREET WAS WATCHING AND LAUGHING AT YOU YESTERDAY."
TO WHICH THE BLONDE MAN REPLIED: "WELL THE JOKE'S ON ALL OF YOU
BECAUSE I WASN'T EVEN AT HOME

[Francis-jack]

[TameDriver]

 

A joke to remember when you 'Kan Pei' next time. :()

 

[Yeobt]

In his ministerial walkabout to Geylang Serai market this morning,

 

Dr Yacob Ibrahim asked an old Malay lady how long she's been selling Mee Rebus?

 

She responded in a thick Javanese accent, "About 40 yrs!".

 

Continued Dr Yacob, "Where are your children and why are they not helping you?"

 

The old lady said "I have 3 children, they're in NUS, NTU and SP and all three are very busy!"

 

Dr Yacob, shaking his head in disbelief, proudly told his entourage that even by selling Mee Rebus

this old lady has raised her children to be successful.

 

Dr Yacob then enquired what faculty they were pursuing in NUS, NTU and SP.

 

The old lady shot back, "Just like me lah, selling Mee Rebus in their respective institutions!"

 

Edited December 9, 2016 by Yeobt

[Yeobt]

A young mother and a young boy were standing in a crowded MRT cabin.

The young boy was telling his mother that he is high tide and need to release. (young boy bei loon)

The mother says :" ok boy, hold abit, we're getting down very soon."

The boy says: "mummy, very urgent le, can i peep in your mouth?!!"

The mother reply shockingly :" aiyo, how can you say this, you can't peep in my mouth!"

The boy blasted loudly: " why DADDY can?!!"  

[Francis-jack]

Jokes that are Singapore-related, or those that only a Singaporean would appreciate. 

Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning? Because it suay. 

"Good morning sir, may I have your order?" 

"Big Mac for me, Cheeseburger for my son, McChicken for my DONKEY wife." 

"Big Mac, Cheeseburger & McChicken. Any side order, sir?" 

"Lemme see. French fries for me, fudge sundae for my son, & apple pie for my DONKEY wife." 

"French fries, fudge sundae, apple pie. Any drinks, sir?" 

"Sure. Coffee for me, coke for my son, & milkshake for my DONKEY wife." 

"Coffee, coke, & milkshake. That'll be XXX dollars." 

"Here you go. C'mon son, let's go to our table. Your DONKEY mother will collect the food." 

"Excuse me, madam. Sorry to intrude, but how can your husband be so rude? He kept calling you DONKEY, even to your son." 

"Hannor! HEE-HAW, so liddat one! HEE-HAW, veri bad one! HEE-HAW, neh give face one!" 

[Dwee]

[SuPerBoRed]

Edited December 23, 2016 by SuPerBoRed

[Philipkee]

 

The difference between our online and offline personas. Lol

[SuPerBoRed]

TOLD YOU NOT TO HANKY PANKY WITH ROGUE!!!!!

 

[Yeobt]

Last week, we took some friends to a Indian restaurant, 'Muthu Curry,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup, I inquired, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare one.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 56.39%."

I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, _"I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon." 

 

[Yeobt]

laughing can make you healthier   

 

[SuPerBoRed]

[Kurty]

good jokes, keep them coming

[Angcheek]

 

[Carbon82]

Math Jokes

 

1. Dear Math, when can you finally grow up and start solving your own problems?

 

2. Dear Math, I am sick and tired of finding your “x" every time. Can’t you take it that she is gone for good?

 

3. Only in Math questions that you can have peoples having 100 sweets, ate ¾ of them, and yet no one tell them that they are going to get diabetes.

 

4. There are only 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binaries, and those who don’t. Make sense?

 

5. A man was allowed to the pub only if he promise not to order beer. He asks the bartender for a root beer in a square mug…

 

6.

Edited February 6, 2017 by Carbon82