Advice on how to handle OC

[Lex250]

Hi all,

 

My virgin topic here. Hope to get constructive advice from others. Ok here's the situation, recently bot second car for OC. OC nvr drive so despite old license, she's effectively new driver. Put triangle on her car and been giving her informal 'refresher'.

 

She's got this idea I'm always saying useless things to her. I'm trying to educate her on road ethics, etc but usually ends up we not happy. Initally I thot it;s my tone of voice etc. So I try to be wary of it but no effect leh. When she gets into that driver's seat only itis a whole different persona.

 

Yday last straw, she was remarking on how light the traffic was as compared to the day before. Al I said was it depends on where you are at. KENA liow...She rite away accused me of being so quick to jump the gun etc etc...wah lau eh..wot did I do? I thot it amde perfect sense mah..traffic volume naturall depends on where u r at. How to compare CTE- Braddel (AMK directin 8 pm) vs PIE - Bt Batok (Changi direction 10pm)?

 

I feel like telling her that if she does not appreciate my efforts, I will not bother to give her the lessons. She is better off with an instructor. But of course I loooonnnnnnnnn no point starting a fight. Oh, and she already took a refresher....her instructor told her all the things she did wrong....which I already pointed out to her before. Yet only when spend $$$ then she realizes it.

 

Can I get some help here pls? Thks in advance..........

[RadX]

hmmm...think you need to talk heart-heart with her...there seems to be this impending urge to find fault with every thing you say/do....

 

Perhaps you shd reflect in your course of marriage if there has been any pent up emotions over the years?

[RadX]

it seems also her inferior complex is getting the better of her to be defensive all the time....give her time, in mean time, dun comment too much....and lay low

[Pcslim]

Ehhh bro, think this is a common communication problem between married couples.

 

Generally, married women just want an ear from their husbands. Not a mouth to criticise this and that. Any married sis here in MCF to help confirm this?

[Rainman]

Hi all,

 

My virgin topic here. Hope to get constructive advice from others. Ok here's the situation, recently bot second car for OC. OC nvr drive so despite old license, she's effectively new driver. Put triangle on her car and been giving her informal 'refresher'.

 

She's got this idea I'm always saying useless things to her. I'm trying to educate her on road ethics, etc but usually ends up we not happy. Initally I thot it;s my tone of voice etc. So I try to be wary of it but no effect leh. When she gets into that driver's seat only itis a whole different persona.

 

Yday last straw, she was remarking on how light the traffic was as compared to the day before. Al I said was it depends on where you are at. KENA liow...She rite away accused me of being so quick to jump the gun etc etc...wah lau eh..wot did I do? I thot it amde perfect sense mah..traffic volume naturall depends on where u r at. How to compare CTE- Braddel (AMK directin 8 pm) vs PIE - Bt Batok (Changi direction 10pm)?

 

I feel like telling her that if she does not appreciate my efforts, I will not bother to give her the lessons. She is better off with an instructor. But of course I loooonnnnnnnnn no point starting a fight. Oh, and she already took a refresher....her instructor told her all the things she did wrong....which I already pointed out to her before. Yet only when spend $$$ then she realizes it.

 

Can I get some help here pls? Thks in advance..........

 

 

Is she always like this? If yes, then the topic is not just how she behave on the road but generally her character is like this.

 

or maybe she behave like this because she feel nervous and need to talk/grumble to curb the nervousness? I know some people behaves this way.

 

She's your OC anyway. She should know her the best.

[Sony]

at times, some money need to be spent to bring harmony

[Djrapper]

I think hard we men generally will F them once they at the wheel regardless how good they do , we still will find fault to be frank. We keep using our own driving standard to gauge them that always apply to my buddy who teach his wife also. Will screw her if she fault. I still remember my wife got screw form the point starting to ending she wanted to cry and alight the car dun want to drive anymore. She say even I dun screw her my present to her feel tense and pressure.

 

Sometime i think we need to hold back ourselves emotion and our "MOUTH" to give them room to explore even they are at fault :).

[Hiphiphoray]

I bet she will listen to her collegues and friends more than YOU......

 

Aiya...its a hopeless cause. Just stop advising her and let her maintain the car all by herself.

 

Just remind her when the tyre looks flat and needs to pump up.....but u DONT help her do it.

 

10k servicing due.....just tell her go find a workshop and try not to get CARROT.....again u sit back and just watch.

 

battery almost 2 years liao......tell her the car gona go dead anytime.

 

car insurance due, go find quote yourself.

 

car inspection due......go find out the procedure herself

 

Everything about the car you still remind her.....but you dont help her physically.

 

 

Within one month...........she will appreciate your advises and not agrue with you so much liao. hehehe.

 

It works for my wify. Women just dont like to do all of the above........trust me!!!!!

 

 

 

 

[Lex250]

Thks for the comments fo far....all valid points. I'll slowly digest and see what is best course of action. I think I don't F here from the monet she gets in unitl engine cut off....yet I think it is true we probably need to exercise more patience. I just want her to learn the right things...coz on the road it's not only her dear life..she has to consider others as well.

 

Our relationship is fine outside of the car. It's in the car only this kindda things happen. She does have a point when she commented "but you got 20 yrs more experience than me".... I suppose I have to learn how to let go and not feel too kan cheong.

[Silver_blade]

Just stop saying on the car/traffic related topics with her for a while.

 

You sounded like you are overly-worried about her driving skill, etc.... You meant well. But you also have to make sure the person you are advising appreciate it. Otherwise, better to leave them to learn and explore on their own, which i feel is the best 'teacher'. A few near-misses, wrong turn, a minor accident or two, etc...are part and parcel of driving in a city.

[Mzrmazda3]

Bro, you are a Ah Lau.

 

But your Bor seems to be bickering with you on whatever you say regarding driving stuff

 

Since it is like that, i suggest you just lay back & relax & let her learn on her own ...

Si mi also mai say ...

 

Like that your blood pressure won't shoot up & no need to bicker with her over this sort of stuff

Edited August 13, 2009 by Mzrmazda3

[Watwheels]

You should leave some room for her to learn some of the things on her own. You can't teach & remind her everything.

And stop treating her like a kid.

Edited August 13, 2009 by Watwheels

[Dunno]

I always tell my wife this....It's better that I tell you what to avoid now then to learn the hard way, ie, get fined, involved in an accident and worse, a fatal accident. By then it's too late for anything.

 

I have been telling my wife many times to signal when changing lanes or turning. I told her she's got a bad habit for not signalling. She tried to be defensive and says she forgets but I managed to prove her wrong but counting the number of times she did not signal and then told her, it can't be everytime I'm in the car she forgets to signal and she remembers if I'm not there??

 

Now, sometimes when she didn't signal or signal late (when she remembers I'm in the car), she tries to pretend and act blur, to see if I noticed. I just look at her and she knows I called her bluff, then we just laughed it off. Of course, she admits her "fault".

[Chrispie]

good post.. so nx time when such things gg to happen to anyone, better to have a disclaimer with OC firstbefore any lesson etc so she wont take your comments to heart... that will save a lot of heartache.

[Lex250]

Wah cool man.,,,,looks like many other bros out there also got simialr experience....yes in between posts I also thot abt it....cannot afford to belittle her learning curve. Will now refrain from any comments and jus sit back and enjoy the ride,,,,let her learn her own way.

 

I'm reminded of myself when I started. 3 minor accidents in the first yr! And not a single one since then....thks guys! If the women like to comment..pls do would be nice to hear your prespectives

[Zming]

My opinion is this:

You need to differentiate when she is asking your advice, and when she is just making a comment.

 

When your OC comment/remark on some things, she just want you to listen. She is NOT interested to know what you think. Only add your own comments if you agree with her, and just acknowledge her comment if you think otherwise (by default, she'd expect you to agree with her)

 

When your OC ask you a question, give a very short answer and immediately ask her what does she think. Again, most women are not really interested in what you think. They just want to "confirm" that they are correct. After that, it is up to your skill already - good if you agree, but if you don't agree, make it seem like you agree with her altho there is another way to look at it (meaning, your 'real' answer)

 

 

As for helping her with her driving - you are better off letting her figure it out herself, and only give pointers when she specifically ask you for it.

(example. if she ask you how YOU parallel park)

 

Don't forget that she has passed the driving test herself, and most people become defensive when told what to do.

[Silver_blade]

I guess many of us forget that we all went thru that stage before. Our parents, friends, etc...can tell us 101 things....but when we are faced with the situation...some of us will not be able to react fast enough. To be able to react and think fast comes with practice.

 

For me at least, i learn thru near-misses, kenna horned by others, etc....which I feel is the most valuable lessons. No amount of lectures can do the job as effectively as that.

 

The other thing is about perspective. Most drivers are not used to being a passenger...always have the feeling that the car you are in are getting too close to the wall of a car park/other cars, car no in the middle of the line, etc...

 

Guess not many of us can truly say we are a super good driver with super good road manner. We still sometimes make mistakes...only diff is how serious is that mistake and the fact that no one nag at us when we made that mistake.

 

 

 

[Robo]

My opinion is this:

You need to differentiate when she is asking your advice, and when she is just making a comment.

 

When your OC comment/remark on some things, she just want you to listen. She is NOT interested to know what you think. Only add your own comments if you agree with her, and just acknowledge her comment if you think otherwise (by default, she'd expect you to agree with her)

 

When your OC ask you a question, give a very short answer and immediately ask her what does she think. Again, most women are not really interested in what you think. They just want to "confirm" that they are correct. After that, it is up to your skill already - good if you agree, but if you don't agree, make it seem like you agree with her altho there is another way to look at it (meaning, your 'real' answer)

 

 

As for helping her with her driving - you are better off letting her figure it out herself, and only give pointers when she specifically ask you for it.

(example. if she ask you how YOU parallel park)

 

Don't forget that she has passed the driving test herself, and most people become defensive when told what to do.

 

very well said!

 

sometimes just keep quiet let the gers yake. they wanna talk u just 1 ear in 1 ear out.. dont make any comments.

 

thou im not married yet. this is how i managed my gf. been with her for awhile liao. so its a matter of time when married. nowadays i just listen i guess this applies to a r/s that one is in for awhile.be it married or not.