How To Avoid Dementia.

[Playtime]

 

Very good article. 

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/dementia-caregivers-singapore-study-support-money-effort-5411041

It is 'endless', but embrace it: What caring for 2 loved ones with dementia is like

A recent survey showed that dementia caregivers get about six hours of sleep a day and provide 217 hours of care a month. 

[Solar]

I'm in the nursing home visiting my in-law. Doc had earlier diagnosed him with mixed dementia , vascular dementia, among other issues, eventually he was assigned this nursing home by the AIC.

Every other day he'll complain about the nurse or caregiver restraining him, or food not good, or simply buay song with everything. Then cry 🤷

It's really sad this is the end game for him.

Honestly, don't know if it's humane to continue to place him there, or throw money and queue for another possibly better home? So far we visit him every week but I don't know what else can be done. 

 

[Solar]

On 5/12/2025 at 8:01 PM, Atonchia said:

I think my personality cannot go elderly home if I am still mobile. 

Sure have book-in timing, lights off timing, sound nice to say like military camp.... Sound awful to say like in jail... Can feel too regimental to some... for me, if still have mobility will want to move around a bit. 

As I understand, a certain stage of dementia, the patient will start to have fall risk even though they may be mobile.

Happened to my in-law. The nurse told us they had to restrain him to the bed cos he kept wanting to move around.

He's very buay song and kept complaining. One stage he even injured himself. 

We suppose even if we change another home, the same will thing happen, yet it doesn't feel right if we didn't do anything. 

Before transferring here, he was also restrained at one point in the hospital 😓

[mersaylee]

@Solar sorry to hear about the ordeal of your fil...my late father suffered vascular dementia for almost a year during covid period...i believe the presence of loved ones are more important than level of care or condusiveness at any homes...my advice is to stay put or change to one more accessible for you and all who can make frequent visitation...his memory and mobility can be lost fairly quickly...

Wishing the best for you 🙏

[Playtime]

On 1/3/2026 at 7:37 PM, Solar said:

I'm in the nursing home visiting my in-law. Doc had earlier diagnosed him with mixed dementia , vascular dementia, among other issues, eventually he was assigned this nursing home by the AIC.

Every other day he'll complain about the nurse or caregiver restraining him, or food not good, or simply buay song with everything. Then cry 🤷

It's really sad this is the end game for him.

Honestly, don't know if it's humane to continue to place him there, or throw money and queue for another possibly better home? So far we visit him every week but I don't know what else can be done. 

 

He still early stage? Is the "person" still in there or just totally gone liao?

Early stage is very difficult as their sense of reality and character changes. It takes a heavy toll on loved ones too. 

As it progresses, it'll probably come to a point they may not even argue or recognise anyone anymore.

[Playtime]

Another thing...

It can happen to any of us.

If it ever comes to the point need nursing home.. be it come to dementia or any other problem etc ...  money comes into play.

Without subsidy,  it could easily come to 5 or 6k monthly. If you die early then good lor why suffer and bankrupt your family 🙄,  if you drag five or ten years how?

First thing they see is your CPF. You have few hundred K in your CPF want subsidy... tan ku ku lor.

[Ake109]

On 1/3/2026 at 7:44 PM, Solar said:

As I understand, a certain stage of dementia, the patient will start to have fall risk even though they may be mobile.

Happened to my in-law. The nurse told us they had to restrain him to the bed cos he kept wanting to move around.

He's very buay song and kept complaining. One stage he even injured himself. 

We suppose even if we change another home, the same will thing happen, yet it doesn't feel right if we didn't do anything. 

Before transferring here, he was also restrained at one point in the hospital 😓

Cannot win one. I still staying with my parents and dad has dementia. Not mad enough to have to send him to nursing home, but mad enough to daily spike my blood pressure to 1 million. Do totally illogical things ang get angry easily. But not like we can physically restrain him.

孝子难做 really understand this as I get older.

Edited January 3 by Ake109

[Solar]

On 1/3/2026 at 9:11 PM, Playtime said:

He still early stage? Is the "person" still in there or just totally gone liao?

Early stage is very difficult as their sense of reality and character changes. It takes a heavy toll on loved ones too. 

As it progresses, it'll probably come to a point they may not even argue or recognise anyone anymore.

Sometimes here sometimes not.

Mistaken my boy for his cousin a few times.

He's delusional as well, a few times said to my wife someone tried to kidnap her and was happy that I managed to stop it from happening.

Probably early stage. That's why I think it's rather cruel to see him like that, especially when his mind is clearer.

He's in the nursing home cos he has loads of other health issues that he kept from all of us, until one day it all blew up. Doc told my wife he can't go home leow and has to spend the rest of his days in the home

[Solar]

On 1/3/2026 at 9:21 PM, Playtime said:

Another thing...

It can happen to any of us.

If it ever comes to the point need nursing home.. be it come to dementia or any other problem etc ...  money comes into play.

Without subsidy,  it could easily come to 5 or 6k monthly. If you die early then good lor why suffer and bankrupt your family 🙄,  if you drag five or ten years how?

First thing they see is your CPF. You have few hundred K in your CPF want subsidy... tan ku ku lor.

This is true.. and mixed blessing they don't have much in the CPF besides their house, which I believe they can't force the sale. They do qualify subsidies. 

Relatives whacked my wife for putting her dad in that public home, but nobody open their golden mouth to offer to help with financial burden to go for private care. 

[Lala81]

On 1/3/2026 at 7:44 PM, Solar said:

As I understand, a certain stage of dementia, the patient will start to have fall risk even though they may be mobile.

Happened to my in-law. The nurse told us they had to restrain him to the bed cos he kept wanting to move around.

He's very buay song and kept complaining. One stage he even injured himself. 

We suppose even if we change another home, the same will thing happen, yet it doesn't feel right if we didn't do anything. 

Before transferring here, he was also restrained at one point in the hospital 😓

Was at my sis place. Mum wore her slippers and turned around and stepped onto my crocs (since it's common lobby we squeeze all the footwear together). Lost balance and sat down on floor. Minor but all these things can happen easily. 

Her legs are quite weak since she started having dementia. Though she can walk quite a distance but her balance and her quad strength not there anymore. 

[Lala81]

On 1/3/2026 at 9:45 PM, Solar said:

This is true.. and mixed blessing they don't have much in the CPF besides their house, which I believe they can't force the sale. They do qualify subsidies. 

Relatives whacked my wife for putting her dad in that public home, but nobody open their golden mouth to offer to help with financial burden to go for private care. 

Ultimately all NH in sg, all depend on myanmar HCA. No matter whether pte or govt. They just here to 打工。thankless job also.

those with mynamar helpers know how difficult the language barrier can be though the HCA ones are usually more educated. 

I dunno if once u leave public NH, then getting back maybe difficult. Will need AIC referral back by neuro or geri or comm hospital/rehab Dr then means testing etc again. Every public subsidy NH spot is valuable and only got waiting list. 

 

 

For myself, My mum is on quite a bit of mood stabilisers and medications to manage her agitation and behavior. But down side is make her even more stoned lor. 

Now got helper at least help my dad keep an eye on her (even though the helper communication wise etc really very limited. My sis says probably illiterate). 

I actually more worried about my dad. My mum sometimes verbally abuse him. So he sometimes alternate between sian, unhappy. Whole day just watching tik tok. 

 

[Karoon]

On 10/10/2025 at 8:57 PM, Lala81 said:

My mum deteriorating. 

She's been trying to leave home for the last few weeks. Increasingly convinced this isn't her home. Convinced that we are forcing her to stay in her not home. Argue with her over phone. Don't believe any of us. Siblings over phone. Neighbour etc. Very nasty to my dad. 

2 days ago she just went downstairs for a while. Then returned home. 

Today she brought all kind of plastic bags full of stuff to go "home". Cannot convince her over phone. She managed to get on a bus to Central without an ez link card.

Meanwhile I was already driving down from yishun. Reached clementi but she took mrt, reached Redhill and no update from tracker for like twenty mins. Drove on AYE in slow traffic. Thought she wandering around. I drove until lower delta then my sis say update at aljunied. I drove to ECP. At between MCE and ECP found out she back tracked. Stopped for pee break and pump petrol. Drove back to clementi mrt via PIE. Reached the mrt since I was exiting anyway. But she reached home. 

Says she lost her luggage etc. 

Now waiting for her to eat finish dinner (a chicken chop that I overbought when I left my kids and wife at yishun). 

Surely will happen again. 

 

This  account resonates with me as I took care of my grandad throughout his deterioration. In the early stages, he first argued, then fought to leave home. The getting lost part became more regular, once even got to an uncle's home in Penang. He had no idea how he got there. As his memory failed, he'd still leave home out of habit but didn't get far. We even locked the gate but the daily fight wore us down and let him out when he seemed ok. First it ended up with good neighbours taking him home, but this ended when he started soiling himself. Neighbours would just call and I had to locate him and bring him back. As he weakened, next was the bedridden phase. He needed diapers, but was strong willed, refused it, and I ended up regularly scraping poop from walls as he tore them up and flung them. His room smelt like a Dettol lab. The mental state could vary, sometimes lucid, but most of the time asked to be taken 'home' or asked for dead relatives. Then it gradually became a sad routine of feeding, changing diapers, bathing, and going through the motions of taking care of an empty shell until he finally passed on his bed. I recall from onset to death was about 4 years.

And now I see it starting with my in-laws. Currently, a helper is hired but they're not making it easy for her or themselves. Same stubbornness, and lots of drama as I've experienced. The wife is open to nursing homes if we couldn't manage it. I'm equally saddened and relieved by that.

[Solar]

On 1/3/2026 at 11:00 PM, Lala81 said:

Ultimately all NH in sg, all depend on myanmar HCA. No matter whether pte or govt. They just here to 打工。thankless job also.

those with mynamar helpers know how difficult the language barrier can be though the HCA ones are usually more educated. 

I dunno if once u leave public NH, then getting back maybe difficult. Will need AIC referral back by neuro or geri or comm hospital/rehab Dr then means testing etc again. Every public subsidy NH spot is valuable and only got waiting list. 

 

 

For myself, My mum is on quite a bit of mood stabilisers and medications to manage her agitation and behavior. But down side is make her even more stoned lor. 

Now got helper at least help my dad keep an eye on her (even though the helper communication wise etc really very limited. My sis says probably illiterate). 

I actually more worried about my dad. My mum sometimes verbally abuse him. So he sometimes alternate between sian, unhappy. Whole day just watching tik tok. 

 

Thanks bro for sharing. Your mom sounds like mine, though she has schizo, not dementia. Keeps thinking someone came into the house and take things. 

Initially we didn't know and kept explaining and ended up arguing.

To a point that we forced her to A&E in an ambulance and got her sedated. Later was given meds to control the brain. She's now on regular meds 😓

My dad has also seen open. Just one ear in and one ear out. Don't argue and simply agree with whatever she says.

[Solar]

On 1/3/2026 at 11:47 PM, Karoon said:

This  account resonates with me as I took care of my grandad throughout his deterioration. In the early stages, he first argued, then fought to leave home. The getting lost part became more regular, once even got to an uncle's home in Penang. He had no idea how he got there. As his memory failed, he'd still leave home out of habit but didn't get far. We even locked the gate but the daily fight wore us down and let him out when he seemed ok. First it ended up with good neighbours taking him home, but this ended when he started soiling himself. Neighbours would just call and I had to locate him and bring him back. As he weakened, next was the bedridden phase. He needed diapers, but was strong willed, refused it, and I ended up regularly scraping poop from walls as he tore them up and flung them. His room smelt like a Dettol lab. The mental state could vary, sometimes lucid, but most of the time asked to be taken 'home' or asked for dead relatives. Then it gradually became a sad routine of feeding, changing diapers, bathing, and going through the motions of taking care of an empty shell until he finally passed on his bed. I recall from onset to death was about 4 years.

And now I see it starting with my in-laws. Currently, a helper is hired but they're not making it easy for her or themselves. Same stubbornness, and lots of drama as I've experienced. The wife is open to nursing homes if we couldn't manage it. I'm equally saddened and relieved by that.

Nursing home though not ideal but is a necessary, even if u are 100% stay home. It'll affect the caregiver's mental state and well-being as well. Got to watch out.

The social worker did suggested helpers to us, but we managed to convince her it won't work. They are after all, not trained in this area, and we have 2 of the same case together at the same time. We don't stay with them and can't watch CCTV all the time.

While the one we put my fil in isn't ideal, at least they have a team of trained professionals and facility housing him.

My mil also going to join him into the same home soon once given the go-ahead to shift in..

[Lala81]

On 1/4/2026 at 9:10 AM, Solar said:

Thanks bro for sharing. Your mom sounds like mine, though she has schizo, not dementia. Keeps thinking someone came into the house and take things. 

Initially we didn't know and kept explaining and ended up arguing.

To a point that we forced her to A&E in an ambulance and got her sedated. Later was given meds to control the brain. She's now on regular meds 😓

My dad has also seen open. Just one ear in and one ear out. Don't argue and simply agree with whatever she says.

my maternal aunt also has schiz. threw her gold jewelry and cash out of her HDB flat in one of her maniac phases. 
Stayed in a private mental hospital for some months when i was in my teens.
On medications and mostly in remission since then. 

now also some dementia, but better than my mum. 

[Lala81]

On 1/3/2026 at 9:25 PM, Ake109 said:

孝子难做 really understand this as I get older.

yes.

Have your own other responsibilities/priorities to fulfill. Also feel guilty.
Don't stay together can make their condition deteriorate faster due to the loneliness.
But on the other hand, it sorta insulate the younger generation from some of the BS and unhappiness that is inevitable. Best to let the adults handle it.
They don't need to be exposed too much to the hard truths yet.

Edited January 4 by Lala81

[Playtime]

On 1/4/2026 at 9:10 AM, Solar said:

My dad has also seen open. Just one ear in and one ear out. Don't argue and simply agree with whatever she says.

Yeah,  some say must not lie. But easier said than done. Argue with them also no use mah. Anyway,  they also probably don't remember after a few minutes ... just have peace. 

 

[Playtime]

On 1/4/2026 at 9:22 AM, Solar said:

Nursing home though not ideal but is a necessary, even if u are 100% stay home. It'll affect the caregiver's mental state and well-being as well. Got to watch out.

The social worker did suggested helpers to us, but we managed to convince her it won't work. They are after all, not trained in this area, and we have 2 of the same case together at the same time. We don't stay with them and can't watch CCTV all the time.

While the one we put my fil in isn't ideal, at least they have a team of trained professionals and facility housing him.

I think its a no win situation. Maid is really for housework. Not 24/7 medical care. 

These days,  when people hit dementia age,  children ... if any... will be struggling full time with own family. 

Example. 70plus old couple living on their own,  say wife now immobile with dementia, need 24 hours physical care. Husband physically unable to cope. How will a maid help? Can she handle a 70kg immobile patient 24/7?🤔

In the old days,  I suspect many actually die at home of improper care and infections etc. 😓

Wait till the no kids generation hit🤦