Compassion or Fairness

[Longhorn]

My two cents to TS. Unfortunately many things in life are not clear cut right or wrong. You were put in a dilemma. Damned if u do damned if u don't. hence just trust your feelings. The fact that u r feeling bad means that you did the wrong thing (in your mind). No biggie as nobody got hurt. Just learn and move on.

[Kusje]

The old woman in a wheelchair is physically capable of queuing up; it's not as if she's climbing the stairs.

 

If I were in the queue and I saw someone allowing another to cut the queue in front of me, I'd confront them (depending on my mood actually). If you want to let someone cut the queue, then you should give up your place and go to the back and queue again. If you are not willing to waste an additional 20 minutes, then you should realize that you are wasting 20 minutes (collectively) of other people's time.

 

Why do you think your time is any less valuable than someone in a wheelchair? Heck, she's probably got all day to queue up or come back another day while I might be extremely busy. And even if you think your time is less valuable, who are you to make the decision for everyone else in the queue?

 

TS did the right thing.

Edited March 2, 2010 by Kusje

[Zyrofillica]

next time when you come across such situations, declare out loud you will flip a coin and announce loudly what each side meant. Flip the coin and carry out its will. Harvey dent, 2 face. no choice is wrong because fate always makes the right choice!

[Jman888]

thanks frens for your comments.

 

altho deep inside me i know it was right that i stood by my principle, but on hind sight, i could have just spend a minute only to help an old lady in wheelchair. thanks for those who voiced their support and agreement for me, but frankly, i still expect\hope someone can reprimend me, because i do feel bad about it. anyway, i learnt a small lesson here, if next time this exact same thing happens again, i WILL help because my conscience is haunting me.

 

actually I also want to reprimend you but see you can feel a little guilty, give you chance if you draw out half the ang bao money to treat us lunch [laugh]

[Thaiyotakamli]

Today I queued up for twenty minutes at the POSB cash deposit machine to deposit my kids' ang bao money into their account. Behind me in the queue were about ten over person, and when it was my turn, an old lady in a wheel chair with her maid approached me, and asked me to help her update her passbook. I looked at the long queue behind me and hesitated for a short while, then told her to join the queue instead as it would be unfair if i helped her to jump queue. She seemed surprised and stuttered at my refusal to help her.

 

Then as I proceeded with the depositing, i heard someone behind in the queue said that he will help her.

 

Was I wrong in not helping a person in wheel chair ? But I just wanted to be fair to everyone who is queueing, and I think being in a wheel chair with a maid also can queue right ? So if it's you would you have done the same or not ?

 

As I walked away I felt confused whether I was wrong or not. But it wasnt that I am not compassionate, but I just wanted to be fair to everyone. Still, I felt like being an unkind person. hmm ..

 

 

should use voting system for ppl in queue, most no. of vote win and the most important, singapore is democratic mah, everything must by order, rule and vote mah, by doing that to everyone is more fair mah

[Thaiyotakamli]

one more, this thread should use voting system too!!

[Relagsingh]

no worries.

 

at least you did some self reflection, which shows that u still do have a bit of heart and conscience.

 

to be frank, i'll help the old lady if i were you. but, you didn't want to hold up the queue, which is not wrong too. you are being considerate.

[OmOm]

Bro,

 

Thanks for your sharing. This post will be long but it contains aspects which I hope will be useful to you.

 

The situation that you have encountered is one of many dilemmas in life where there are two or more conflicting moral rules at play - justice versus compassion, honesty versus humility, etc. In your case, both moral rules apply yet both seem to be contradicting forces. Which is right and which should one follow? Right and wrong are valid only within a framework and context. Our notions of right and wrong are shaped by the environment that we grow up in, the people that we mix with, the governing policies in the society and community that we live in.

 

To us, cannibalism is a no-no yet it may be perfectly fine to a tribesman who has been born into the wilderness and taught by his parents and elders that the flesh of a fellow man recently deceased is legitimate food. Shaped by different environments and guided by different needs, the city-dweller and tribesman develop different sets of moral guidelines and value systems (except for one aspect which I will be mentioning later on in this post). You and I as well as the people in our society share largely the same values because the environments that we were (and are) conditioned by are similar.

 

The discomfort that you are experiencing now stems from guilt. Incidentally, guilt is something that is engrained deeply in human nature. If we can visualise human nature as an onion, guilt would be something that sits somewhere near the bulb of the onion; it is very close to the core of our nature. Due to this, guilt has the tendency to cause us immense amounts of unhappiness and discomfort.

 

I have always wondered about the purpose of guilt in human nature. Sometime ago, during a reflection session, an insight into the purpose of it came about. The natural pull that we feel in our daily lives is towards compassion. Everyone, regardless of his background, environment and associations, has a seed of compassion planted in him. When one walks past a drowning cat calling out for help, he will likely help if it is within his capability. If he does not, that scene will be replayed in his mind over and over again due to the guilt arising within him. Viewed in another perspective, compassion can be seen as the natural order of our existence. It is like a giant magnet that tries to pull us towards itself. Guilt is actually the emotion that arises from that pull.

 

In the situation that you described, fairness and compassion were seen as contradictory. Ironically, this situation is a valuable opportunity for you to understand yourself (and human nature) better. Do see if you can identify the roots of your emotions as you reflect upon the situation and relive it in your mind's eye. Do try to take the self out of the equation and observe "yourself" and the emotions that arise as you replay it. You will need to be very honest with yourself in order to discover the roots. For example, when the thought of fairness popped up in your mind, what did you truly feel? Was it justice or was it something else masquerading as justice?

 

The reflection session, when conducted in a calm and honest state, will allow one to put aside distractions of daily living and see clearly one's nature. The calmer the mind, the more honest the heart, the greater the clarity of such insights. Through these insights, one will be able to understand the roots of his own emotions and very often the reasons for his own sufferings in daily living. He can then start working on chopping away these roots to help himself and in the process help others.

 

Afternote:

 

In the world today, materialism and self-centredness are becoming ever more prevalent. This is due to the innumerable distractions that come about because of our inherent vices - greed, lust, sloth, gluttony, anger, etc. They conspire to draw us away from awareness and the realisation that these vices are the roots of troubles both big and small. For example, the present (it's not over yet) financial crisis is a result of the greed of many financial folks. The media (the modern voice of society) used to hail them as financial wizards prior to the crisis. The evolution/devolution of our civilisation in this manner will inevitably lead us to destruction, as with many civilisations prior to ours. As our collective awareness diminishes due to the powerful distractions, the slide down the slippery slope becomes faster.

 

Today I queued up for twenty minutes at the POSB cash deposit machine to deposit my kids' ang bao money into their account. Behind me in the queue were about ten over person, and when it was my turn, an old lady in a wheel chair with her maid approached me, and asked me to help her update her passbook. I looked at the long queue behind me and hesitated for a short while, then told her to join the queue instead as it would be unfair if i helped her to jump queue. She seemed surprised and stuttered at my refusal to help her.

 

Then as I proceeded with the depositing, i heard someone behind in the queue said that he will help her.

 

Was I wrong in not helping a person in wheel chair ? But I just wanted to be fair to everyone who is queueing, and I think being in a wheel chair with a maid also can queue right ? So if it's you would you have done the same or not ?

 

As I walked away I felt confused whether I was wrong or not. But it wasnt that I am not compassionate, but I just wanted to be fair to everyone. Still, I felt like being an unkind person. hmm ..

 

[Porker]

The bottomline is you thought about the others in queue and rejected her thus so don't beat yourself over it.

 

It will be a different story if your thoughts are such : "KNN I queued for so long and now you want me to help you without having to queue? Go queue up!"

[David]

The problem is not entirely on you. Because there is queue behind you, you are pressured. Perhaps the person behind you could have say something like 'go ahead, help her' would have help you made a better decision. Or perhaps you could have ask the person behind you if he do not mind.

 

What I am trying to say is - in situation like this you and me have a part to help. The you is yourself at the front of the queue and me could be the person behind me.

[RadX]

actually I also want to reprimend you but see you can feel a little guilty, give you chance if you draw out half the ang bao money to treat us lunch

 

 

At sentosa can lah...

[RadX]

Eyh, you this get the better of you. Don't bother what people saym what you feel is right, just do it.

I would never allow anyone to jump Q, even once one clonw when I was in Q to buy 4D, came up to me, 'Hey, I know your boss, XXXX!" I know already, going to ask me to buy for him, "Yeah, I also know my own boss, fark off and line up!" Dont care customer or not, so what? If I did people behind would start their nonsense about this clown jumping Q.

heck care, even old lady I also boh pan chan, wheelchair or not. Woman tummy big or not, my wife was expecting my kids, no one gave up their seats to her, she also never as to cut Q. Life's tough, so is the decisions we make.

Put it this way, old lady, small kids can carry bombs on their bodies and do a mass kill. Don't worry about it, we all will go to hell anyway.

 

BTW, Radx tells me you owe me kopi.

 

 

You same like me....some handicaps should stay home and rot away...cos they behave as if the world owes them a living and ppl have to be kind to them...

 

sorry, I may sound insensitive, but heck, the world's fair. Too bloody bad you are in that situation, but there are others with a worse plight who carry on with life. Dun expect favors cos you are challenged

[Scoots]

Today I queued up for twenty minutes at the POSB cash deposit machine to deposit my kids' ang bao money into their account. Behind me in the queue were about ten over person, and when it was my turn, an old lady in a wheel chair with her maid approached me, and asked me to help her update her passbook. I looked at the long queue behind me and hesitated for a short while, then told her to join the queue instead as it would be unfair if i helped her to jump queue. She seemed surprised and stuttered at my refusal to help her.

 

Then as I proceeded with the depositing, i heard someone behind in the queue said that he will help her.

 

Was I wrong in not helping a person in wheel chair ? But I just wanted to be fair to everyone who is queueing, and I think being in a wheel chair with a maid also can queue right ? So if it's you would you have done the same or not ?

 

As I walked away I felt confused whether I was wrong or not. But it wasnt that I am not compassionate, but I just wanted to be fair to everyone. Still, I felt like being an unkind person. hmm ..

 

Well, if you did let her jump queue, you would have been seen as unjust the rest of the people behind you right?

 

In life, can never please everyone one lah. You didn't hurt anybody and you did what you felt was the more correct thing to do...sometimes it's even called the lesser evil.

 

No honest mistake here, just unmistakingly honest to yourself. Move on ba

Edited March 3, 2010 by Scoots

[Acemundo]

haha how to get into privilege or priority queue at uob? teach us le

[RadX]

haha how to get into privilege or priority queue at uob? teach us le

 

 

wa liew.....ppl discuss compassion and here you think of dat oni....

[RadX]

Bro...let me counter you on this.

 

Say you in the privilege queue...ahem, and this ah-ma in a wheelchair sees the queue 45 ppl long. Would you then help her? Tell me how you would feel then if you did not?

[Mazdaowner]

AMEN! [sleeping]

 

You same like me....some handicaps should stay home and rot away...cos they behave as if the world owes them a living and ppl have to be kind to them...

 

sorry, I may sound insensitive, but heck, the world's fair. Too bloody bad you are in that situation, but there are others with a worse plight who carry on with life. Dun expect favors cos you are challenged

 

[Mazdaowner]

TS has been quite, could be he took my advice. See below:

[laugh]

Bro...let me counter you on this.

 

Say you in the privilege queue...ahem, and this ah-ma in a wheelchair sees the queue 45 ppl long. Would you then help her? Tell me how you would feel then if you did not?