On borrowed Time!

[Evillusion]

Eviillusion - I think many of us truly empathise with your situation; heck, that's why I bothered to post after lurking for a decade!

 

It sucks but you do need to be the stronger one; your wife currently has a fatalistic attitude and i'm sure she doesn't mean it when she says things that hurt you.You are right that she's probably not only sad but afraid as well, and in situations like this, we sometimes elect to do nothing and hope for the best.

 

The fact that she wants to talk about her health may make you upset at times, but it also opens a door for your message to eventually get through. She probably needs to ventilate and maybe when she's done, she'll feel better and you can convince her that you are prepared to face the rest of life's journey together with her - afterall, your marriage vows do cover "in sickness and in health".

 

If we can encourage you to push on, then thats something that's worth our time. God bless!

no worries bro....a few yrs back i was having health prob and i seriously didnt know what was wrong with me! One night i woke up and my whole body was numb. Thought to myself that death is part of life and if that was the way i was to go i will accept it. I read my prayers and just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.......but i woke up the nx morning! Cant deny death but acceptance will bring one forward in life!

I really cant thanks and praise enough!

Edited October 25, 2016 by Eviilusion

[RadX]

no worries bro....a few yrs back i was having health prob and i seriously didnt know what was wrong with me! One night i woke up and my whole body was numb. Thought to myself that death is part of life and if that was the way i was to go i will accept it. I read my prayers and just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.......but i woke up the nx morning! Cant deny death but acceptance will bring one forward in life!

I really cant thanks and praise enough!

 

 

thats the severe stress taking the toll on you bro.  It is an effect, where you feel that you are gg to die.  Just need to rest and take deep breaths.  Too much on your mind and I worry more for you now than your Mrs.  

 

Do what is right for yourself and the family bro.  REally!

[Evillusion]

It's always heart wrenching to read posts like these...

 

Till today, I still feel a part of me is missing when my beloved mother passed on after suffered more than a decade of parkinsonism.

 

It's really tough on my father whom was the primary caregiver and he collapsed mentally as well as emotionally near her last years...he's still on the long term medication to curb his mood swing.

 

Bro Eviilusion, it's not easy being the caregiver. But your wife needs you more than she needs anyone else. Just be there and listen to her without any immediate response whenever she needs to talk. Just be reassuring that you'll be there whenever she needs you. Women DNA are such that their mood automatically turn for the better when they know you've listened, not necessarily understand or agree to... You just need to figure out your own channel of out let, in legal fashion of course, as you have to know that it's important to take care of yourself first before you can take care of her and your 11 yo.

 

If you are not religious, do come in here to seek sanctuary or cheers from some nice gentlemen or trek the tiko ranger thread for some mental voyage to the wonderland.

 

You may not be able to help your wife on the medical aspect but as her soul mate, I'm confident that you know exactly what you need to do to face this challenge together.

 

Think positive and things usually turn out positively. Remember, never underestimate the power of positive thinking - it keeps us going.

 

May you find strength and motivation from the last thing that Ong had said in that linked article.

 

My sincere best wishes to you and your family.

Thanks bro....

To be frank i have somewhat accept what may be and even my own! I want to be positive for my kids especially my daughter. Yes there will be sadness and grieve but we must persevere and look at the past with fondness and gratitude. My father passed on 3 yrs back and have gone through such when my granny passed on when i was in sec 3. Acceptance is one way of plodding through one's life and see it as God's will and His plan. Thank you so much.

thats the severe stress taking the toll on you bro. It is an effect, where you feel that you are gg to die. Just need to rest and take deep breaths. Too much on your mind and I worry more for you now than your Mrs.

 

Do what is right for yourself and the family bro. REally!

that episode really left me shaken so i learnt to take things easy and accept life and death as it is! But it happened late 08/09.....

[Chickenfarm]

This is a very solemn thread.

 

I feel for you bro.

 

Your spouse is probably fearful of the eventuality and had to behave the way she did to ventilate. This might be the only "luxury" that she gets to enjoy so just let her be. In order to keep and maintain your sanity, don't attempt to analyse the seemingly hurtful things that she said to you in the spur of moment. Just let it go. Anger will take over if you make any such attempt and this isn't helpful.

 

If you need to ventilate, just log on to MCF and give Radx a facial

 

 

[Fuelsaver]

Thanks bro....

To be frank i have somewhat accept what may be and even my own! I want to be positive for my kids especially my daughter. Yes there will be sadness and grieve but we must persevere and look at the past with fondness and gratitude. My father passed on 3 yrs back and have gone through such when my granny passed on when i was in sec 3. Acceptance is one way of plodding through one's life and see it as God's will and His plan. Thank you so much.

that episode really left me shaken so i learnt to take things easy and accept life and death as it is! But it happened late 08/09.....

About ur last para, it's inevitable that at times we tend to forget our lessons learnt. Me too; after some yrs I reverted to my old undesirable behavior. I sometimes think a leopard nvr chg its spot but we should just continue trying n keep in mind what made us who we r right now. Good that in this forum we r able to share some vulnerabilities so we could pick ourselves up. Really have to not take things too hard to the extent that affects our health.

 

Pls stay strong. There r many w worse plights but still coping..

 

This must b voted the most humane thread.

[RadX]

About ur last para, it's inevitable that at times we tend to forget our lessons learnt. Me too; after some yrs I reverted to my old undesirable behavior. I sometimes think a leopard nvr chg its spot but we should just continue trying n keep in mind what made us who we r right now. Good that in this forum we r able to share some vulnerabilities so we could pick ourselves up. Really have to not take things too hard to the extent that affects our health.

 

Pls stay strong. There r many w worse plights but still coping..

 

This must b voted the most humane thread.

 

 

sometimes good to have a read and reset where we are in life and to know the mortality of our being.

 

Glad tht sense has prevailed here and that we do look out for each other even if we have not met face-face,

 

except for that @chickenfarm coem listurb me   

[Ktglfc]

no worries bro....a few yrs back i was having health prob and i seriously didnt know what was wrong with me! One night i woke up and my whole body was numb. Thought to myself that death is part of life and if that was the way i was to go i will accept it. I read my prayers and just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.......but i woke up the nx morning! Cant deny death but acceptance will bring one forward in life!

I really cant thanks and praise enough!

 

 

Hi Bro @Eviilusion, just want to say "Jia You" !

Pray that you and your wifey can overcome all odds !

[Evillusion]

This is a very solemn thread.

 

I feel for you bro.

 

Your spouse is probably fearful of the eventuality and had to behave the way she did to ventilate. This might be the only "luxury" that she gets to enjoy so just let her be. In order to keep and maintain your sanity, don't attempt to analyse the seemingly hurtful things that she said to you in the spur of moment. Just let it go. Anger will take over if you make any such attempt and this isn't helpful.

 

If you need to ventilate, just log on to MCF and give Radx a facial

okay....i will use biore facial....

[Matrix0405]

Evii, Holiday is coming. Maybe a holiday trip to change the mood. Suggest to go to coast/ facing sea location; eg Gold Coast, Phuket, Jeju, Pulau Redang, Desaru.   The chillax session + limitless, open view can help one move out of one's cocoon. 

 

Radx, in the news it mentioned the MTBF of transplanted kidney is 12 yrs,  is that the general guideline? and what is the recourse after? Also there is a need to take anti-reject/immune drugs for the whole 12yr? How much do the drugs cost a month? 

[Evillusion]

Evii, Holiday is coming. Maybe a holiday trip to change the mood. Suggest to go to coast/ facing sea location; eg Gold Coast, Phuket, Jeju, Pulau Redang, Desaru. The chillax session + limitless, open view can help one move out of one's cocoon.

 

Radx, in the news it mentioned the MTBF of transplanted kidney is 12 yrs, is that the general guideline? and what is the recourse after? Also there is a need to take anti-reject/immune drugs for the whole 12yr? How much do the drugs cost a month?

when go holiday i lagi stress! Reach hotel she will unpack and arrange things nice nice even our sandals, shoes and slippers will be neatly arrange! Me and her cousins will make it the butt of our joke. Tell her so many times to just relax she will go and fold all the shirts and pants and arrange things in order that she thinks i will be wearing for the next day. I stressed sia!

Just recently her cousin that she is close with wanted to bring her and my daughter on an all expense paid trip, 4 girls on a holiday, fly off and chill out......she refused to go eventhough i was willing to pay for her end of her deal and i dont mind being left alone for the long weekend.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Eviilusion

[Kurty]

when go holiday i lagi stress! Reach hotel she will unpack and arrange things nice nice even our sandals, shoes and slippers will be neatly arrange! Me and her cousins will make it the butt of our joke. Tell her so many times to just relax she will go and fold all the shirts and pants and arrange things in order that she thinks i will be wearing for the next day. I stressed sia!

 

ready for stand by bed inspection?

[Fuelsaver]

sometimes good to have a read and reset where we are in life and to know the mortality of our being.

 

Glad tht sense has prevailed here and that we do look out for each other even if we have not met face-face,

 

except for that @chickenfarm coem listurb me

Concur.

 

Offer advice on forum always easy; happen to ownself time ownself very hard to check ownself.. such the irony. At least have such thread to know ownself not alone..

 

U Old bird famous (infamous) ma.. any "farm" oso come kaciau u la

[Evillusion]

ready for stand by bed inspection?

hahaha....actually i am the one who is always bochap....army train me wan!

[Fuelsaver]

when go holiday i lagi stress! Reach hotel she will unpack and arrange things nice nice even our sandals, shoes and slippers will be neatly arrange! Me and her cousins will make it the butt of our joke. Tell her so many times to just relax she will go and fold all the shirts and pants and arrange things in order that she thinks i will be wearing for the next day. I stressed sia!

Just recently her cousin that she is close with wanted to bring her and my daughter on an all expense paid trip, 4 girls on a holiday, fly off and chill out......she refused to go eventhough i was willing to pay for her end of her deal and i dont mind being left alone for the long weekend.

Bro I think she trying to keep herself occupied n try to normalize daily life. Leave her be; what u can do here is to do these together w her.

[Evillusion]

Bro I think she trying to keep herself occupied n try to normalize daily life. Leave her be; what u can do here is to do these together w her.

been there done that. I sweep the floor...mop the floor. Tell her to relax and you know what.......she go and do other stuff like rearrangging the wardrobes and cupboard! She even make noise if i go and make my own teh-tarik....and i keep the kitchen clean after hor! My son also sometime angry with her for rearrangging his wardrobe and oni recently my daughter wardrobe also kana. Somebody implied that maybe she has ocd...

[Kurty]

been there done that. I sweep the floor...mop the floor. Tell her to relax and you know what.......she go and do other stuff like rearrangging the wardrobes and cupboard! She even make noise if i go and make my own teh-tarik....and i keep the kitchen clean after hor! My son also sometime angry with her for rearrangging his wardrobe and oni recently my daughter wardrobe also kana. Somebody implied that maybe she has ocd...

[Evillusion]

yes, I also got OCD..

 

haha, sound like me..

 

imagine this, if visitors come to my house, I will not hesitate to wipe/sweep after their footsteps..

hahaha....i think you really suffered during ns....

[Voodooman]

http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/every-day-was-a-bonus-woman-dies-9-years-after-husband-donated-kidney-to-her

 

 

This is a reminder always that we are on borrowed time!

 

This article resonates more with me as I had my transplant 3 yrs ago!

 

Peace all and live life to fullest.

 

Then again dun anyhow buy Ferrari haaa

Had a health scare a few years back and that changed my perspective of life a little, more YOLO and spending more time with family and close friends (it is fading but still there). Getting a transplant and recognizing you are on borrowed time must have had a far greater impact on one's life.

 

This thread is great, a reminder to all to review and reorientate priorities and from people who we sort of know.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Voodooman