Stuffs to avoid buying

[Tianmo]

On 6/7/2023 at 5:39 PM, Lala81 said:

Can never understand these people. 

Truth is your favorite kid will cry no more or no less than your least favored kid when you die. 

Sometimes the kid you place the most hopes on won't even be there on your deathbed maybe cos they are working overseas or emigrated. 

On a positive note, without such negative demonstrations, I won't have learned not to do it with my own children, likewise to many others here.

But then, because of what she did, she actually did more harm to my elder bro. Because of her reply, both my younger bros were like KNN to my SIL, and that planted the seed of disrespect. They lost respect and would find all opportunities to argue with her and make her shameful, until once my elder bro had to step in and said watch it, she's your SIL, have some respect.  And to that my youngest bro replied, respect yourself, want to argue don't bring title, otherwise don't talk. And all went silent, my elder bro lan lan. I kept quiet, and look to my mum, she also kept quiet,but can see inside her heart got Xmas party.

Anyway,  like you mentioned,  I waiting to see if my elder bro will cry when the day comes. I know my younger bro won't,  my youngest bro maybe a little. For me, my tears all used up when my dad passed on.

 

 

[Tianmo]

On 6/7/2023 at 5:46 PM, Jman888 said:

I think many old people from that era same same pattern, including mine and my wife's mother

for my own mother I will ignore her. For my MIL, my wife has to put up with her but my MIL won't complaint when I'm around 

I do agree. 

But my dad is not so bad, and strangely, my wife is actually my FIL's favorite child, but her parents are quite fair to their 2 boys and only girl.  Very nice to me also.

 

[Kxbc]

After reading pages 5 and 6, my conclusion is don't buy food and bananas for your parents and in laws. 

🤣

[Stary]

On 6/7/2023 at 4:47 PM, Lala81 said:

I don't agree.

Old people also need to know how to act like a person. If your own dg is irritated by you, you are obviously not good company.

I don't think any child will bring their parents to eat something that they obviously don't like to eat.

 

Surely there will be old folks who will behave that way for whatever reason.  Experienced so many times liow.

But it never bothers me la. If they behave well, that's great. If they don't, I just take it that due to old age, they may have mental or health challenges that affected them. I live and let live and just do what I need to do for them.

That way, no ill feelings, I am happy, they are happy.  Life goes on peacefully until their last day.

[Ender]

On 6/7/2023 at 4:47 PM, Lala81 said:

I don't agree.

Old people also need to know how to act like a person. If your own dg is irritated by you, you are obviously not good company.

I don't think any child will bring their parents to eat something that they obviously don't like to eat.

 

I was told by my father's social worker, some old people will behave like a child. Throwing tantrum, being difficult. This just part of degeneration I guess. Just like incontinence, cannot control muscle, I think mentally they cannot control emotion liao.

Can see it my father, very frustrating. Being caregiver, sometime I also blow up. Take a walk, cool  down, come back to take care of his needs.

[mersaylee]

On 6/7/2023 at 4:50 PM, Rayleigh said:

Yap. Am more acceptance of elderly preference. In her context, my FIL is the typical old fashion man, favourtism. Favor son over daughter. Shared with you an incident which I feel he indeed was wrong. 
 

Once three families: BIL, FIL and my family went to Taiwan for holiday. SIL was holding a brunch of bananas. FIL reach out to SIL and volunteer to carry the banana. Less than 5 mins, he passed the banana to my wife to carry. Well you can guess what happen next liao. 

...you becum the banana man?😁

[Tianmo]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:34 PM, Ender said:

I was told by my father's social worker, some old people will behave like a child. Throwing tantrum, being difficult. This just part of degeneration I guess. Just like incontinence, cannot control muscle, I think mentally they cannot control emotion liao.

Can see it my father, very frustrating. Being caregiver, sometime I also blow up. Take a walk, cool  down, come back to take care of his needs.

I think we are discussing 2 different things here.  

What we were discussing were about healthy parents/in laws of sound mind and somewhat able body. What you brought up is when they are sick, "mentally" and physically. 

These are 2 very different topics. 

2 years before his departure my dad went through what is happening to your dad now. It was hard for me to accept in the beginning, but as he got worse with every passing day, accepting it was the only option. However, my mum still has a clear mind and able body, as clear as 40 years ago I can say, and i cannot imagine what she will turn into when she goes into that cycle, given how unreasonable she is. Not that I wish for it to happen, i just think it will be a bloody nightmare. But then luckily I wont be involve even if that happens one day. 

[PSP415]

Not bad, the direction this thread is taking. Stuff to avoid become elderly parents, favouritism and behaviours. 

No one formula works for our elderly parents except tons of patience before one go into depression and do self harm and others harm. 

Din help with the filial piety teaching one is brought up with and "conditioned" to follow otherwise all sky, mountains and sea will rain curses and what-have-you. 

To each one's own.

I have learnt to manage my late mum's needs with help/rotation from different siblings. Her favourite son stays with her. We take turns with whatever errands when help is sounded. Mostly, bringing her on her wheelchair to Malls and makan places. She loved buffets cos everyone can eat one's favorite most times. BuffetTown often visited. 

Thankfully, she was quite stubborn, in a good sense, in that she watched her food intake, took medication regularly and on time. She had a very strong will not to rely on anyone till her health betrayed her. She had a maid to take care of chores and attend to some of her needs like shower and toilet functions. 

We all shared the cost. 

I know of friends who became sole caregiver, gave up job and own life to care for a loved one. There is a strong sense of guilt though frankly, to an outsider, a home or day care routine may actually be a better option, for both parties. Especially if a parent lost control of bowels or going thru dementia.

Oftentimes, professional oversight is more useful and helpful for meeting the needs of the moment. One can visit daily to offer the emotional support and connection. This may come with additional cost but if one can release the care to professional help, one can take on a part time or full time job to pay and allow one to have a choice to live one's life as much as possible. 

Again, it's your loved ones and your life. You always have a choice, seriously. 

No offence intended so please read with an open mind and heart. No one knows your loved ones better yet oftentimes, the hardest part always start with a small step towards the help you and them need. 

Yada-ing. Not sorry for the OT, just follow the flow of the day. 😅😂😂😂

Stay safe all 

Cheers 

Edited June 7, 2023 by PSP415

[Lala81]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:34 PM, Ender said:

I was told by my father's social worker, some old people will behave like a child. Throwing tantrum, being difficult. This just part of degeneration I guess. Just like incontinence, cannot control muscle, I think mentally they cannot control emotion liao.

Can see it my father, very frustrating. Being caregiver, sometime I also blow up. Take a walk, cool  down, come back to take care of his needs.

That's the very last stage of their lives lah. 

I'm referring more to those in their 60/70 or early 80s. Frankly should just be grateful that your family even wants to specially spend time with you or make effort to get you involved.

We are all heads of our own families. We have to make conscious decisions on how to spend family time and how to include grandparents inside this time. I don't live near my parents but thankfully my BIL is extroverted and is used to spending a lot of time with extended family. 

My patient lives in sg alone now his wife is deceased. He's going on a round trip in USA to visit his 3 children in 3 different cities. One on east, one in west and one in Colorado. 

Still care about who's favorite or not? Heck they are living half the world away from you. 

OK anyway. Back to stuff not to buy. Lol. 

Edited June 7, 2023 by Lala81

[Tianmo]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:15 PM, Starry said:

Surely there will be old folks who will behave that way for whatever reason.  Experienced so many times liow.

But it never bothers me la. If they behave well, that's great. If they don't, I just take it that due to old age, they may have mental or health challenges that affected them. I live and let live and just do what I need to do for them.

That way, no ill feelings, I am happy, they are happy.  Life goes on peacefully until their last day.

Have you taken up the duty of a caretaker of an elderly parent with an unsound mind and weak body?

Bro @Fcw75 might have a different opinion. 

[Tianmo]

On 6/7/2023 at 10:31 PM, Lala81 said:

That's the very last stage of their lives lah. 

OK anyway. Back to stuff not to buy. Lol. 

ok back to topic.

Dont buy EV.....................yet! 

[Fcw75]

Wah, this thread really drifted until 西天。From stuff to avoid buying to cockroaches to taking care of elderly. 😅

Edited June 7, 2023 by Fcw75

[Fcw75]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:34 PM, Ender said:

I was told by my father's social worker, some old people will behave like a child. Throwing tantrum, being difficult. This just part of degeneration I guess. Just like incontinence, cannot control muscle, I think mentally they cannot control emotion liao.

Can see it my father, very frustrating. Being caregiver, sometime I also blow up. Take a walk, cool  down, come back to take care of his needs.

This is very true. 

Life is like a cycle. From a baby learning how to eat, shit and walk to becoming an old folk who slowly forgot how to do all the basic things.

My mother if I put my finger near her mouth, she will actually try to bite it then smile. Isn’t that like a kid? Last time when she was well, she would have shouted 妹志癖！Don’t know what that mean though.

Edited June 7, 2023 by Fcw75

[mersaylee]

On 6/7/2023 at 10:31 PM, Lala81 said:

That's the very last stage of their lives lah. 

I'm referring more to those in their 60/70 or early 80s. Frankly should just be grateful that your family even wants to specially spend time with you or make effort to get you involved.

We are all heads of our own families. We have to make conscious decisions on how to spend family time and how to include grandparents inside this time. I don't live near my parents but thankfully my BIL is extroverted and is used to spending a lot of time with extended family. 

My patient lives in sg alone now his wife is deceased. He's going on a round trip in USA to visit his 3 children in 3 different cities. One on east, one in west and one in Colorado. 

Still care about who's favorite or not? Heck they are living half the world away from you. 

OK anyway. Back to stuff not to buy. Lol. 

Don't buy into the idea that one can depends on the offspring when one gets old...im prepared to go gayland on my own to makan nice ahemm...ayam...😁

[mersaylee]

On 6/7/2023 at 11:20 PM, Fcw75 said:

Wah, this thread really drifted until 西天。From stuff to avoid buying to cockroaches to taking care of elderly. 😅

That's the prowess of mcf folks...OT until mods go into hiding or depression...whichever cums first... 😂

[13177]

On 6/7/2023 at 11:20 PM, Fcw75 said:

Wah, this thread really drifted until 西天。From stuff to avoid buying to cockroaches to taking care of elderly. 😅

It means mcf folks have no stuff needs to avoid buying, so can OT until 西天. 😂

[Windwaver]

On 6/7/2023 at 11:20 PM, Fcw75 said:

Wah, this thread really drifted until 西天。From stuff to avoid buying to cockroaches to taking care of elderly. 😅

Go 西天 still must buy stuff.

[Ender]

I  think old people even though their body is still mobile, the mind might degenerate faster and become stubborn like this unker who brought durian up  the bus. 😅