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A&W of USA : "If sold out, a 2/6 lb. Burger can be specially made at no extra charge." 😄

Now that the SMS is king, love letters have largely gone the way of the dinosaur, but that doesn't mean that couples still don't like to share a love note or two once in a while. And when your significant other has a good sense of humor, they're that much better! this one could be the most used line...

http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking-news/...speech-20130403 http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/u...ow/19357430.cms

as titled... seen somewhere near Jurong Point, with blinkers

Top 20: 'Accidental' humour The following collection of rather humorous accident claims in England isn't new - it came from a website and has probably been circulating about for a while now. But since the topic is automotive based, it's worth a share and hopefully, a laugh. 20. "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." 19. "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket." 18. Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus? 17. A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo 16. "I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind". 15. "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." 14. "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it". 13. "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car". 12. "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." 11. "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." 10. "I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car." 9. "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. 8. "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian." 7. "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." 6. "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him." 5. "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car" 4. "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." 3. "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." 2. "I was going at about 70 or 80mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control." 1. "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!! If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig? We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-b------ds! And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before! Regards, The Over 30 Crowd (Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, Whether they are under 30 or not.)

our simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective 'english' . WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. ours: No stock. RETURNING A CALL Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago? ours: Hello, who call? ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way? ours: S-kew me. WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.. ours: No need lah. WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door? ours: (pointing at the door) Can ah? WHEN ENTERTAINING Britons: Please make yourself right at home. ours: No need shy shy one lah! WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money. ours: Where got? WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind. ours: Don't want lah. IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue. ours: You mad ah? WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE. Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here. ours: Shut up lah! WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU. Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you? ours: See what, see what? WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION. Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment. ours: Die lah!! WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened? ours: What happened ah? Why like that one lah? WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you. ours: Like that also don't know how to do! So which would you prefer? have a laugh & Good day!

gt this in my email.... juz for laughs! ________________________________________________________________________________ ______ Another interesting article. This time it's about cow branding, for your reading pleasure

I pretty much anticipated to see something nice when I overtook this car. I almost fainted due to shock when I saw the driver... Very misleading sticker.

Ah Beng went to take night courses with the reasoning in future can get promotion or better job During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge. Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already, next week is the exam. Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah. Then Ah Beng started show off... Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell? Ah Seng: Don't know Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses, you would know this. Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless* The next day, Ah Beng shows off again... Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau? Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah? Ah Beng: No! He's the author of 'Confessions', nah nah nah... told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this. Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated* The next day, once again... Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas? Ah Seng: Your gay partner? Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la. He's the author of 'The 3 Musketeers', if you take night courses, you would know this. Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and ask Ah Beng... Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw? Ah Beng: Errrr... No! Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!! Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

still to come...

Take a few minutes break and have a good laugh.... Ah Beng 'Smart' Answers:- ************************* Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' ==================================== Ah Beng : I am so Proud, coz my son is in Medical College . Friend: Really, what is he studying. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him. ========================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. =========================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.. ========================================= Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. =========================================== Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.' Police: 'How come the thief did not take the TV?' Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...' ========================================= Ah Beng comes back 2 to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine' He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the complement.' ============================================= How do you recognize Ah Beng in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erase from the board. =============================================== Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. ================================================== Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?' =================================================== Ah Beng : Why are all these people running? Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup Ah Beng : If only the winner will get the cup, why others running? =================================================== Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail' ===================================================== Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!' Servant: 'It's already raining.' Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.' ===================================================== A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

more on its way...

gt this from an email my fren sent over abit lame but for a 'good laugh', why nt hahahaha ________________________________________________________________ Hokkien Titanic Scene 1: Jack: Hey chio eh? I teach you an chua fly, want or not? Rose: Mai lah. I scare leh. Jack: No need scare leh, lai I teach you. Rose: Don't lar, me really scare leh. Jack: Lai lar, stand on the railing, then I hug you. Rose: Like that ar? Jack: Yah, then hor, spread ur arms... Wah lau eh, why so chao one? Rose: Kan ni neh... You say my armpit chao ah! Jack: Wah I bey tar han already lar! Jack fainted & both fell into the sea. Scene 2: One fine day, late at night, Jack Duakang was on the deck of Titanic when he heard some loud footsteps. He looked to see what was going on, and he saw a super chio about to jump off the deck. He walked over and tried to persuade her not to jump. Jack: Chio eh, lee si an zua? So late duwan sleep? What's your name? Rose: My name is Mei Kui, but people call me Rose. Jack: Nah Beh... Why you so chio, but your name like the mamasan at Tiong Kok City . Rose: Shut-up lah you, I now want to jump. Jack: Why jump? Siao ah you, so chio jump for what? Rose: Aiyah why you so kaypo? I jump you jump? Jack: Wah lau, U jump I jump?Ma na eh sai!!! So Jack continued to persuade her for a few hours. After three hours... Jack: Eh don't jump leh, ler uu siao bo? Rose: Aiyah, you talk for three hours liao, buay sian meh?? Jack: Ya lor, I think oso a bit sian liao. So, please lah, don't jump lah. Rose: Shut-up I am really jumping liao. Jack was tired, so he stopped persuading... Rose: I really jump ah, really ah? Really leh. I am not joking leh. I jump ah!!! Jack was very du lan after wasting so much time. So, he kicked Rose's Ka Ch'ng(Backside) and sent her into her watery grave. Jack: Nah beh, want to jump, jump lah. Waste my time nia. Then Jack turned around and he saw the second most beautiful girl on the ship.... Jack: Oei Chio eh, what's your name? Hibiscus: Me Hibiscus lor. I saw you kick my sister.Hahahahahahhh! Thank you hor. She always steal my boyfliends one. So Jack and Hibiscus live happily ever after...

Got this from an email... More added features of name... _________________________________________ Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names: Anne Chang (Mandarin)-Dirty Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin Carmen Teng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before

Got this e-mail. Not intended to be funny but I had a good laugh reading this. "Retrenchment is good for singapore. If there is no retrenchments, then I worry." - SM Goh "The opposition's plans to 'give and give' will lead to Singaporeans having to pay higher taxes in order to foot the bill." - then DPM Lee at a rally in Tampines, in 2001. "$2.6b 'Progress Package' for lower-income groups, elderly, NSmen" - now PM Lee, in 2006 "Contrary to public perception, the White Horse classification is not to ensure that sons of influential men gets preferential treatment. Instead it is to ensure that they do not get preferential treatment." - Cedric Foo "I don't think that there should be a cap on the number of directorship that a person can hold." - PAP MP John Chen who holds 8 directorships. "It's not for the money because some of the companies pay me as little as $10,000 a year." - PAP MP Wang Kai Yuen who holds 11 directorships. "We are not considering a casino but an IR - an integrated resort. IRs are quite different." - George Yeo "If you want to dance on a bar top, some of us will fall off the bar top. Some people will die as a result of liberalising bar top dancing... a young girl with a short skirt dancing on it may attract some insults from some other men, the boyfriend will start fighting and some people will die." - Vivian Balakrishnan, Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports "I would want to form an alternative policies group in Parliament, comprising 20 PAP MPs. These 20 PAP MPs will be free to vote in accordance with what they think of a particular policy. In other words, the whip for them will be lifted. This is not playing politics, this is something which I think is worthwhile doing." - SM Goh "If you sing Jailhouse Rock with your electric guitar when others are playing Beethoven, you are out of order. The whip must be used on you." - SM Goh again, on a dramatic u-turn, rethink or backtrack, whatever you call it. "The National Kidney Foundation (NKF) spends more than 80 per cent of its funds on its beneficiaries." - Lim Hng Khiang "Save on one hairdo and use the money for breast screening." - another gem from Lim Hng Kiang "We started off with (the name) and after looking at everything, the name that really tugged at the heartstrings was in front of us. The name itself is not new, but what has been used informally so far has endeared itself to all parties." - Mah Bow Tan on the $400,000 exercise to rename Marina Bay as Marina Bay. "Having enjoyed football as a national sport for decades, we in Singapore have set ourselves the target of reaching the final rounds of World Cup in 2010." - Ho Peng Kee "Only 5% are unemployed. We still have 95% who are employed." - Yeo Cheow Tong "Singaporean workers have become more expensive than those in the USA and Australia." - Tony Tan

to those at work today...while a lot of ppl r taking leave or already away on holiday...something to perk u up. Subject: How well do you listen........ There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager burst into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena . "I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Guys, Gals, this long video strip really made my day. If you are looking for a good laugh, download this http://www.youtube.com/player.swf?video_id...3C662DC848F75CD CBX